We've been together for at least 12 years already. I am 33 years old and she is 31 years old. we love each other so much. I wouldn't think of breaking up with her. I am willing to spend the rest of my life with her. I have 1 kid with her. I know that is out of wedlock, but isn't marriage only a legal document? why do i need to sign it just to prove our love and commitment? We can show our love and commitment without the marraige ceremony.
2007-02-24 03:32:14 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The imp[ortance of marriage is completely up to you and her. I know for me I like knowing that we share that special bond even if it is just a "document". Talk with her and see how she feels about it.
2007-02-24 03:40:54 · answer #1 · answered by jenny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deserve a compliment for being together 12 years. A lot of people don't make it that far.
Conceiving a child without being married is just unforgiveable. That child deserves to have a mother and father that are committed enough that the institution of marriage is not "threatening" or "confining" to them.
If I were there, I would ask you exactly why you have avoided getting married. Exactly what is it that you have against marriage?
I could care less what a man and woman do together; whether they just want to shack-up or whatever.
But conceiving a child? No.
Get a sense of committment and integrity and get married for the sake of the child. If you two love one another so much, this should not be an issue.
And, btw, I am not some kind of religious nutcake. Far from it. I'm a very sexual person, married to a woman much like myself, for 36 yrs.
2007-02-24 03:58:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It may be just a piece of paper to you, but to her, obviously, it is not, otherwise, you wouldn't be asking. If you plan on spending the rest of your life with her, anyways, you and her should tie the knot. You have a KID together. What kind of example do you think that sets for the child?
If it's materialistic thing that you're concerned about, a pre nup is not a bad idea. My husband and I have one. We hope that we'll never have to use it, but it's better to have one and not need it than to need one and not have it.
A lot a girls dream about their wedding day, and it makes them even more envious when they see their freinds getting married and they are still stuck with a commitment-phobic guy who states that "it's just a piece of paper".
If it got to the point where I felt like I had to push to get someone to marry me, I would look somewhere else. She's 31. THIRTY ONE. I'll bet you she's sick of hearing people ask her, "So, are you and so-and-so EVER going to get married, or what? You have been together forever, it seems."
YOU may think that it's just a legal document, but for her it could mean the world. If you love her so much, why don't you give her the most that you can? Give her your name, your legal commitment, and quit trying to flick off the things (like marriage) that seem important to her.
... And I agree with answerer number one on this, as well.
2007-02-24 03:45:08 · answer #3 · answered by <3 The Pest <3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's only a piece of paper, then why is it such a big deal? Just do it, especially after 12 years.
Marriage is something different to every person, for some it's religious, others spiritual. Some do it for financial reasons and for tax breaks.
Getting married just shows the world that you are absolutely committed to one another. You claim you will never break up with her, then why not get married. I really do believe that those who don't get married, are just acknowledging that the relationship has it's potential to end at any moment. It's easier to walk away from a break up then it is a divorce.
If you both don't like the idea of marriage, at least do it for your child. What if something happens to either one of you, if you are married it is much easier to be the benefits and legal system on your side if you are married.
2007-02-24 03:39:32 · answer #4 · answered by Answer Girl 2007 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you may love her and both of you may be together forever but when people decide to have kids it's usually a good idea to be married so everyone in the family has the same last name. In many areas people look down on the fact that two people will have a child but fail to make a commitment to marry each other.Not only does marriage show commitment to each other is shows commitment to the kids and other family members.
2007-02-24 03:51:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look, she may try and act like its not important, but at least in the United States, marriage is a huge thing for women. They need it. Maybe not to live, but it will give em a sense of stability. Even though you may live as if you are married, there are certain things that piece of paper provides, as some people who have answered on this site has gone into it. Now if you are a little scepticle about marriage, then get a prenup; though she may not appreciate that. No one on this site will make you get married, its something you have to do for yourself and only if you want to. If you dont want to marry then dont. However you cannot except your signifigant other to do the same for you.
2007-02-24 04:23:46 · answer #6 · answered by "the Otter" 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the truth is, that the last poll taken on the matter, found out that for the first time in history, more people are living together without benefit of marriage, than are married.
this was a surprise to me.
Still there are benefits of marriage, the ability to make decisions about your partner in the hospital. If you die without a will, she may have to share with other family members.
I would look into all that, and take care of it. Does she wish to get married?. this should be a consideration also.
2007-02-24 03:41:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anne2 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a marriage certificate is not a issue with you or your partner at this time. However the fact that you are asking the question tells me your feelings on the matter need to be validated by others because you are not quite sure. If signing a piece of paper makes no difference, then what would be the harm in doing it?
2007-02-24 03:49:04 · answer #8 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The actual license is just a piece of paper. Marriage itself is based on commitment, trust, honor, love, intimacy, laughter, communication, sex. No piece of paper can represent that. the marriage ceremony is just an outward show of the commitment, the marriage starts when you are home living with each other, after you have done all of the above.
2007-02-24 08:51:11 · answer #9 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I where married 54 yrs. ago in front of a Baptist Minister and 2 witnesses. We were 22 and 26 at the time.We have raised 5 children while my husband served his country.
We are now growing old together and blessed to be still loving one another after 54 years of marriage.~~~ There where a few rocky times when we could have easily walked away but the legal commitment kept us together. Thank God it was there to protect our marriage~~ otherwise I would not be telling you today that my husband and I are one happy couple at 76 and 80 with 5 grown happily legally married children whose children are the joy of our lives.
Thank you for your question and for giving me the opportunity to tell my side of the story, and good luck to you & yours~~~Jill
2007-02-24 04:34:27 · answer #10 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think of marriage as sealing your lives together into one life - making your commitment known. You don't have to have a ceremony but show that your level of commitment is deep enough. Marriage is the consumation of your commitment that shows your real heart attitude toward the woman you love.
2007-02-24 06:14:17 · answer #11 · answered by lizpoulette 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋