Posted a similar question yesterday, but hoping to get a few more takes on this. I have been married for a few years and have a 7mo.child. During the pregnancy we didn't have sex for 8mos, then for almost 5mos after. Although I try to make her feel sexy, lots of back and foot rubs, etc, I didn't press the issue during the pregnancy. When we finally had sex, she had pain (yes, we have plenty of foreplay, lube) and some bleeding afterward. She's been to a doctor, who has done plenty of tests and finds nothing wrong. I understand the pain is real, and I don't want to hurt her. On the other side, because she is unwilling to find a solution that doesn't include vaginal intercourse, I am feeling my needs are being pushed to the side. This is not just about "getting off" it's about taking care of each other, and we need to find balance. I know she still has a sex drive, she sometimes uses a toy (non-penetrating) when I'm out of town. Please Help! Am I being unreasonable? Any solutions?
2007-02-24 03:22:48 · 9 answers · asked by Killer B 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Did she have stitches after the baby was born? Some times scar tissue develops along the nerve in that area, and intercourse becomes painful. Doctors usually will tell the woman nothing is wrong, but it can only be fixed by surgery. That might be her issue.
As far as her lacking libido, she should talk to her OB about it. There are things that could be wrong, (hormone imbalance, depression, etc) that are inhibiting her sexual desire with you.
I would also suggest therapy for you both. There are plenty of methods and options for you both.
I really feel sorry for you, and her. Its not fun going through something like this.
2007-02-24 03:34:40 · answer #1 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
after each one of my kids were born, my vagina would go back to the way it was when I was a virgin. For the first 4 or 5 times that my hubby and I had sex, it would hurt. I would have to just deal with it because if it didn't get it stretched back out then we still wouldn't be able to do anything. I don't feel as though you are being unreasonable. You need that emotional connection with her. Try talking to her and explaining to her how you are feeling. Let her know that isn't just a sex thing but it is an emotional thing. Hang in there and everything will turn out.
2007-02-24 03:54:00 · answer #2 · answered by tweety 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say you are being unreasonable, you have needs too, but something is going on with her. A lot of women lose their sex drive after pregnancy, or while they are nursing. I had no interest in sex until I weaned my daughter at 12 months. My doctor told me this was normal and due to hormones. The only thing I can tell you is that during this time I felt so uncomfortable about this subject and that when my husband brought it up I starting resenting him a little. I felt like he was always thinking about iot and I cringed at the idea. I still had sex with him but I just wanted it to be over with. I would have appreciated it if he had stopped bringing it up and maybe just snuggled with me and gave me back rubs without trying to take it further than that. If he had done that it would have relaxed me so much. It's normal for it to hurt the first few times, she had major trauma to that area when she gave birth. I'd use KY for that, it really helps. Good luck.
2007-02-24 03:49:06 · answer #3 · answered by Melissa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no not at all! maximum women those who're having a classic being pregnant would proceed to have sex proper up until eventually their water breaks or they pass into confusing artwork.you gained't harm the toddler by MAKING LOVE. The amniotic sac and the reliable muscular tissues of the uterus preserve your toddler, and the thick mucus plug that seals the cervix helps shelter adverse to an infection. There are some circumstances, notwithstanding, in which you could favor to change your interest or abstain from sex altogether for area or all of your being pregnant. Your midwife or wide-spread practitioner ought to allow you to comprehend even if you've — or strengthen — any issues that make sex a no-pass. once you're unclear, ask your caregiver. celebrate with! congratulations in boost!
2016-12-04 21:31:05 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a new Mom I know how it feels the first few times. There is immense pain and your partner may not want to have intercourse at all. But in due course the pain heals. The few times will be difficult but go easy on her and your sex life can be rocking again.
2007-02-24 03:42:14 · answer #5 · answered by mom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a mom of 2 I can tell you the first few times after having a baby for alot of woman are painfull, not enjoyable in the least. She needs to go through it & you need gentle & slow. I wish I could say their is a majic thing that can help, but it is just something she will have to bear through a few times,
2007-02-24 03:33:57 · answer #6 · answered by notAminiVANmama 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have no expeirience with this kind of thing, but i guess if you both have the drive, then you could just like make out, and slowly but surely, a little at a time, inch inward very slowly, and i'm sure that after a while pain will subside and everything will be back to nbormal.
2007-02-24 03:39:04 · answer #7 · answered by Tangy & Cherry 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well... This may sound gross but I sugest... Sleeping Naked... I'm sure you already do... But you can make out, and stuff, with out you going in her... and It could satisfy your needs... You can do the same in the shower... Just don't go in... you know.
2007-02-24 03:30:03 · answer #8 · answered by Project Runway Lover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her you want to be with her in everyway and that u understand that she hurts but it also hurts you, marriage will not work without sex. you dont think she is cheating do u? it sounds crazy i know but u have to think....
2007-02-24 03:51:39 · answer #9 · answered by RALPH 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋