Some people say honesty is the best policy...Some people thinks its selfish to confess the fact that you cheated to unburden yourself and hurt your partner. What do you think is the best way?
2007-02-24 03:21:24 · 33 answers · asked by Laughing Man Copycat 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
keep a secret. Unless confronted with evidence.
2007-02-24 03:24:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way I see it, what your wife or girlfriend does not know will not hurt her, unless there are kids or std's are involved. Revealing that you had an affair may seem like a good idea to clear your mind and all, but the backlash would be terrible. She may leave you and have good reason for doing so, possibly never trust you again, legally taking half your stuff. You have an awsome avatar and screen name btw - the otter
If your guilt is going to overcome you, your relationship may become distant. At the same time, if your partner is the type of person that will cheat on you in the future, it is best to keep this story for the future. If you are not married, cut your losses, if you are married then dont tell him or her. - Gazelle
2007-02-24 03:55:25 · answer #2 · answered by "the Otter" 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you had an affair, then there are some unresolved issues in your life, which means that there are unresolved issues in your marriage. Instead of wondering about confessing, you should be looking for the problem- the affair is just a symptom...
Find & resolve the problem, whether it is insecurity, poor self-discipline, marital unhappiness, etc, THEN consider confessing. The only real reasons to confess infidelity are: to end guilt-feelings/hiding, or, to prevent your mate from finding out from another source. If you can be 'sneaky' enough to have an affair, you can also keep it to yourself...
You should NOT confess an affair, unless it will bring about improvement! Asking for forgiveness of an unknown offense could create more problems than it fixes... each situation must be evaluated individually!
2007-02-24 03:33:47 · answer #3 · answered by JOHN O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have already cheated, it's already too late for your marriage in most cases, anyways. Very rarely do you hear about couples regaining that trust that was lost due to an illicit affair.
You can tell your spouse the truth and risk hurting them, or you can keep it a secret, but regardless, the marriage is probably going to end, anyways. Let's not forget that secrets come crawling out of the woodwork when a divorce is in progress.
Cheating itself is selfish. Holding on to your spouse while you're sleeping with someone else is selfish. If you feel the need to cheat, you should leave. THAT would be the most UNSELFISH thing to do, regardless if you tell your spouse of the affair or not.
I mean, come on. They're going to find out about it eventually, anyways, in most cases.
2007-02-24 03:36:52 · answer #4 · answered by <3 The Pest <3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am currently seeing another man while married to the nicest guy on earth. So why do I cheat? He doesn't talk much about anything other than work and the kids and we haven't had sex in 16 years. I am lonely for male companionship. The guy I see is in about the same situation. We don't feel guilty but do feel concerned about the other person getting hurt-mostly because they are nice people. Just quiet and have low/nonexistent sex drives. We will continue for now. I fantasize about being together all the time but have it too good here to ever leave. Cheating is dumb and wrong, we are all fools, but possibly for a good reason.
2007-02-24 03:50:04 · answer #5 · answered by becky j 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, why would you cheat first and tell later? If you are questioning if you should tell, then you should have asked yourself if you should cheat in the first place. Ofcourse you should tell, make sure you know why you cheated and tell the truth of why. No matter what, the truth will eventually catch up to you and if it isn't you telling it, then it will come to your loved one third party. That is usually more brutal than coming from you. It is not only painful, but embarassing for your partner and don't you think you've done enough of that. Fess up, you did the deed now take your lumps.
2007-02-24 03:26:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is no way in h*ll your spouse will EVER find out and you are done with the affair and have truely learned a lesson and will never do it again and are truely remorseful, DONT tell. My hubby had an affair and denied it like crazy despite the evidence I had. It was all circumstantial evidence, but enough to know the truth. Well, his GF was the one that told me, so not only did he cheat he could add chronic lieing to his list of offenses. I still havent figured out whats harder to deal with, the affair or all the lieng. They both suck. Its just best to not cheat in the first place and it saves alot of heart ache.
2007-02-24 04:00:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you managed to get this fair without getting caught, then i suggest its best to shut up and never ever speak of it again, I dont beleve in honesty is the best policy maybe only in the movies but If you do chose to tell her/him then consider your life is gonna be hell, she wont trust you, everytime you leave the house she will always have the "what if he's cheatin on me" in her head, no trust and your gonna hear alot of I thought you love me how can you do it etc so i say zip it and throw it away in the trash , whats happened has happened you cant turn the hands of time back an change everything so no point.
GoodLuck
2007-02-24 03:36:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on the people involved.If your partner is a flexible open person,who has never had an affair,you might want to tell him/her.They should be understanding,realizing that there were circumstances and an attraction that overtook your otherwise stable personality.Some have affairs for the fun and adventure.Others are looking for that something that is missing in the relationship they already have.It all comes down to this If you think he/she will handle it and forgive,then tell.If it's going to be too traumatic then don't say anything.
2007-02-24 03:47:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What will you gain by telling? What do you want to happen to this relationship? If you want out, telling is a good way to get out. Most will not want you after you tell. If you are really sorry and don't want to lose your partner and KNOW that you have learned your lesson and will never do this again, I would not tell. You will only hurt them and your relationship will NEVER be the same. They will ALWAYS have trust issues with you. No matter if they hide it or if they always bring it up, it will always be the big pink elephant in the room. You will have destroyed the main ingredient in a successful relationship,TRUST.
2007-02-24 03:28:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should tell the truth because you will live aguilty life with this person knowing he/she does good for you and you did bad and making it worse by not saying anything.this is like a test if this person is your true love if (s)he was then (s)he would forgive you and keep on going on with the life but still might be mad for a few days.best to do is step back for a few hours and make sure (s)he is calm from your current mate and tell the peron you cheated with to back off(in a nicer way) and then tell your current mate that you stop seeing the other person.APOLOGIZE also and dont raise your voice even if your current mate does but if they use abuse on you best thing is to go or leave.make sure when you step back from your current mate dont make(s)he think your going to the person you cheated with's house
2007-02-24 03:32:05 · answer #11 · answered by mmystery 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋