We have been married 10 yrs. in TX. He has DWI's and domestic vilonce charge...He has since stopped drinking (sober 1 yr), I took him back 5 yrs ago afeter he left me one weekend and moved in w/ a married woman from work. I took my kids and myself, moved closer to his family, he came back 4 months later, treated me like crap, rubbed it in my face, I left again once for 9 mo. once for 3 mo. all separations were drug out by him. Now 1 yr & on the 5 yr. anniversary of his affair he is moving out. I am looking 4 work now & he says he's paying my bills. He did pay most of them, so far. He is staying here, but took his ring off 4 days ago & now tonight he is going out already. Our kids are 2, 6 and 10. He plays music and wants to be able to be free to play with friends w/out me. He has never included me in his circle. I sew, cook, clean, bake, take care of the kids, drug/drink free... But I am angry he has never faced up to the issues. he refuses counceling, says there is no hope?
2007-02-24 02:42:07 · 16 answers · asked by 30YrOldPTAMomof3 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
and i really believe that we could work through this if he'd only put our marriage first. I mean I never asked for anything materialistic. But I did ask for his honesty, trust and loyality... I love him, but I am REALLY TORE Up right now. The terrible thing is that I have NO ONE 2 talk to... No friends in this area... My mom and sisters don't want to hear it after 10 years and the last 5 being bad. He has really neglected us, and yet I continue to love him, unconditionally. WTF is he thinking? He's going to be a rockstar?
He says he is leaving to be happy.
2007-02-24 02:45:09 · update #1
I don't want this to sound harsh, but it will: you are a doormat, as you let him walk all over you.
Dump him, move out (and out of the state) and start a new life with you and the girls WITHOUT HIM ever again.
2007-02-24 02:48:25 · answer #1 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure that this is a very difficult day for you, but you have to look at it as the beginning of the next chapter in your life. In a short while you will wonder why you stayed in the marriage so long.
You need to hire a lawyer as soon as possible. You also need to get a job. If you are living near his family maybe they could help with childcare while you are working. Or maybe you could move to be nearer to your mother and sisters and they could help you. It sounds like they will be overjoyed that you are done with this man.
After what you've been through, you have the strength to be a single mother. And you will find it easier than being married to that guy. Good luck.
2007-02-24 02:54:46 · answer #2 · answered by Tricia R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change someone no matter how bad you want to. You have tried very hard and many more times than i would have. I think you should be able to see by now that this man is not worth the effort. You and your kids deserve more. And let me tell you that there is a good man out there that would love to find a good woman like you. I give you credit for trying so hard but its time to quit putting your kids through this , each time seeing what a loser their father is. And the rejection that they are feeling each time he chooses something or someone else over them. When they see that at least one of their parents is putting them first they will be allot better.
2007-02-24 02:59:44 · answer #3 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes love is not enough. He has had more than enough tries to get his act together. He obviously does not care about his family life. If he refuses to believe he has a problem, it will never work. He has to want to change to be a better husband and father. Until he is ready to make that commitment, there is no use trying to make a dead marriage work. I grew up with a father like that. My mother thought she should stay with him because every child needs both parents. If they see the hurt and drama he is putting you through, they are better off with out him. You need to put your kids first, and move on to a better life. Good luck to you.
2007-02-24 02:55:50 · answer #4 · answered by jessica s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Haven't you had enough and don't you and your children deserve better? My sister has been married to a man who sells drugs, screams, yells, drinks/drugs/, cheats, has had restraining order placed on him, etc etc. He stays out all hours of the night and says that she is a b**** all of the time, she's horrible, she's boring....meanwhile they have 3 children. Their self-esteem is ruined because of what they've seen. The baby might have a chance if my sister would just leave.....what advice would you give my sister? If you answer, she should leave that jerk....then you know that it's good riddance to bad rubbish. You can make it on your own. Get some counseling for yourself and get career counseling as well. You will be in my thoughts....
2007-02-24 02:50:22 · answer #5 · answered by Yogini 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to wonder a lot more WTF you are thinking by staying in such a destructive relationship and setting such a horrible example for your 3 young children!
Are you addicted to the drama or just enjoy playing the victim? When your own family is tired of hearing about, that is a good indicator it is either one or the other. Get into some counseling for yourself to find out what in your past is driving this (emotionally or physically absent father?).
He only gets away with what he does because you have allowed it by taking him back and the "we can work it out if only he"...wake up! He is not going to change. Only you have the power to change your own life.
2007-02-24 03:19:23 · answer #6 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey I hate to say this to you, there is no future for you with this man. It is a sad thing , he is not mature at all and he is not going to change.
Let this be the final curtain call for him other then supporting those innocent children. This has caused you nothing but pain and will cause you even more.
What you feel more then love for him (I feel) is rejection. It is a terrible thing to think that we do all that we possibly can and still we are rejected. How can you continue to love someone like that.You should feel pure disgust for a man that would treat you and your babies that way. He has no heart. He is so into himself.
Your family hurt for you and if you continue with him,they have no choice but to sit back and hurt & pray for you.
You have a decision to make honey,
I beg of you to face it today and say NO MORE OF THIS KIND OF LIFE FOR ME AND MY CHILDREN~~ WE DESERVE BETTER~~
I know I am rambling but I am so wanting to reach you.I am a Mother with a wonderful husband, if it would help you to have someone to talk to via email for now please write me at Jerrie@houston.rr.com and please mention yahoo/answers in subject line so I don't delete it. God bless you darling. I will put this white rubber band on my arm & remember to pray for you all day today. God be with you as you move forward.~~~Love, Jill
2007-02-24 03:34:21 · answer #7 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am really sorry that you are going through this.
After 10 yrs of that maybe you would be a happier person if he did go. I know it will be hard at first but when you get used to it and find you a man that will be good to you, you will see that you didn't need him. be a strong woman and remember you can do it.
keep strong
good luck
2007-02-24 02:57:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never mind what he's thinking, what on earth are you thinking?
Do you actually think he gives a hoot?...for you & for the children.
How many more years of your life do you expect to throw away and be miserable? Stand up just once for YOU and your children......and MEAN it. Please allow yourself to love YOU, more than him. He already has enough love for himself.
He's moving out. I say good for him. Just ensure that he provide financial support for the children. He obviously doesnt feel that he needs help with his issues. And no one will convince him otherwise. Please make a life plan minus his presence! You may not see it clearly right now. But believe me you will, down the road. In fact you'll be asking yourself why you stuck around.
Take care of YOU and your children!
2007-02-24 03:20:02 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Quit enabling him. You have taken him back and he knows that so he treats you like a doormat. Put a stop to it, move on and most importantly for him, he needs to face up to the person he is. Maybe a friend of his can convince him to seek treatment. you and those girls deserve much better than you are getting from him.
2007-02-24 02:48:58 · answer #10 · answered by mimegamy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋