A friend of mine has let me down in an emergency and lied to me on at least once occasion. Both of these incidents can be traced back to her selfishness. She always puts herself before other people and I don't think that's what friendship is about.
I've thought about talking to her about it, but I know, based on her personality, that she will just get upset and I really don't think she will change her behavior. This selfishness is just part of who she is and she thinks it's logical to put herself before other people.
I've decided to distance myself from her and I just say I'm busy even if I'm not, etc. I feel bad, however, because this is just like lying. Should I sit her down and talk to her about it? I've been thinking that it would just make me feel better and not her. I think she's happy thinking that everything's okay...even though it's not.
2007-02-24 02:38:50 · 8 answers · asked by fufubunnie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
You should distance yourself and state, when prompted, that you can no longer rely or depend ont hem, so it might be best to go your separate ways
2007-02-24 02:44:00 · answer #1 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you've got a really good head on your shoulders and have thought this through. And it really says a lot about you that you don't even want to tell a little white lie to your friend. Good for you! It does sound like she's the kind of person who won't even believe it if you put the blame on her for being selfish. People like that never see their own faults, and won't acknowledge them if you point them out. It reminds me of what my dad used to say - "With friends like that, who needs enemies?"
I was just reading an article about lies, and it said there are definitely times when it's okay - like in your situation. Your lies are protecting your friend from hurt feelings and since she's not likely to change if you tell her the truth, I think that is the best path. You could try, just once, when she calls and asks you to do something, to say something like "I just don't feel comfortable hanging out with you after you (and here you put in what it was she did to you)." If she acts like she doesn't know what you mean or gets mad at you, I wouldn't feel bad any more. But maybe she will surprise you and apologize.
2007-02-24 10:59:52 · answer #2 · answered by cmm_home 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be straight with your friend. It would be unfair on her part too if you keep that to yourself and well, stay away from her with her not knowing why. Sure it would only make you feel better at first and make her feel bad about herself but in the long run, maybe she'll be able to realize it.
And about her personality ... only getting upset with the situation and then not doing anything about it, well it's good enough that you tried to tell her and be honest with her. At least you gave her a good reason to consider changing / tapering down that selfishness of hers.
2007-02-24 10:49:59 · answer #3 · answered by mitch 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is a true friendship, you'll talk to her about it asap in person, just you and her. You'll feel better you did afterwards and even if she doesnt because she thinks her actions are okay and acceptable, let's just say, atleast her ignorance will no longer be a factor. Someone's gonna tell her one day in some for or fashion, and it probly wont be nice...so, as her friend, take advantage of your relationship with her and just be blunt frank and straight up about it...afterall you are friends, it'll atleast let her know you are a real friend
2007-02-24 10:48:05 · answer #4 · answered by MrMeT00 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are truly friends, then speak to her in a candid but kind tone. Chances are she will not like being told she has flaws, so let her know that you see her positive attributes.
True friendship is not built around selfishness nor convenience. If you lose her as a friend, you at least know that you were honest with her.
Good luck - true and lasting friendships take work but are worth it.
2007-02-24 10:55:25 · answer #5 · answered by scpathfinder 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should be straight be with her and sit down with her to talk about it. On the other hand it your friend is like that than it is not worth it at all to be friends with her. Find some new friends.
2007-02-24 10:54:42 · answer #6 · answered by Heidi T 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should tell her but try 2 put it n a way that it want hurt her feelings.
2007-02-24 10:45:58 · answer #7 · answered by newtiey bootiey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes I think you should be sraight with her because if shes atrue friend she would respect how you feel .
2007-02-24 10:53:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋