Dysfunctional families - How did it affect the way you are today?

Question

Growing up in a dysfunctional family. Has it affected you negatively or positively? Are you happy who you are today - or could you have been a better person?

Answer 1

Everyone has a dysfunctional family, or, at least, those with dysfunctional families are in the majority.

I am very happy with who I am today and I always work on being a better person. Being a better person starts with forgiving yourself for the past moments when you were not. You simply must let stuff go that you cannot change.

As far as effecting me negatively or positively; I am certain the dysfunctional family was a negative effect, which positively influenced me to be different in the manner in which my immediate family is dysfunctional today.

Who really wants to be "normal" anyway?

Answer 2

I think everybody could claim their family is dysfunctional. I hate that it has gotten to be such an "in" thing. You know how MY family was dysfunctional? I was molested by two brothers and a grandfather for many years, since I was 4, and thought I was pregnant by my own brother when I was 13. Now three of my siblings still live at home and they are in their late 40's and let my mom do everything and she is in her 70's and still works to support them.

No family is perfect. I think that the vast majority of people had so called normal lives when growing up, it's just that all the other families covered up what was wrong, so you don't know about it. In my opinion, dysfunctional families are where things like beatings and sex abuse and locking in the closet type stuff and serious verbal abuse like telling kids that a parent is sorry they ever had them are going on. It just seems that people are reveling in their "victimhood" and coming up with any old thing to say how they were victimized. It irritates me that i have to sit and listen to people go on and on about their parents' divorce, and they have no clue how it could have been.

Ok, this is a rant, sorry.

Did it affect me negatively? Sure, I developed bipolar disorder as a result of it. I'm sure the bipolar disorder running through my family has something to do with the abuse, but not a lot. Now I'm disabled because the bipolar is very severe. On the plus side, almost nothing else in life bothers me except for the bipolar and when someone forces me to do something, so I feel trapped & helpless. So my own divorce was nothing. Money problems are nothing. I cope with those things very well. I'm also a very strong advocate for people who really are being victimized.

Answer 3

It's only society that defines things as dysfunctional. By all means my family was functional. Even my school thought so. We went on holidays abroad every year. And they had a busy social life. My mother was/still is an emotional vacuum though. My stepfather was/is a control freak. And he was a drink driver. And I'm an aries :-) So because society deemed ME dysfunctional rather than my family I had the pleasure of seeing the inside of a psychiatric ward by the time i was 10.
How did it affect me? What's it to you?
Disenchanted with a medical profession that is slave to the pharmaceutical industry whose first loyalty is to the shareholders.
You implying happiness and being a good person goes hand in hand? I don't think so. Do you?
I could be happier, but that don't mean i'm not a good person.

Answer 4

Divorce, addiction, alcoholism, violence, depression; these are the things that marked my dysfunctional family. Of course, such an upbringing has its negative effects. I have inherited genetics from my alcoholic and depressive parents that probably predispose me to being unhappy. It's hard for me to trust anyone and I don't even seek serious romantic relationships. I never saw my parents as admirable models and am now skeptical of most authority. In some ways, I am a rejection of my family. I am not addicted to any substances and I am not a violent person. I am a loner and I accept that because that's how I am happiest. I guess my dysfunctional family kind of soured me on people in general.

Answer 5

I would say its affected me in both ways. I see myself repeating some of the mistakes that were made from my childhood. Sort of frustrating as I never in a million years thought that I would do that. On the other hand, I handle things differently from the way they were handled in my family. Spending time with my son is very important to me. When I was around 9, I separated myself mentally from my parents and always knew that as soon as I turned 18, I would be able to leave. That mentality helped me grow in a different direction. I always expected more from myself. My family wasn't horrible, but definetly dysfunctional.
That is one reason why it is so frustrating to find myself at this point in my life repeating a situation I've already seen played out. While I have made different choices, it still led to this path.

Answer 6

I was the only one in my school who had divorced parents but whose mum was the one who left, she left when i was 5 and my sister was 3 and my dad worked full-time and brought up two kids. Hence my sister and i have both inherited a strong work ethic and both have little time for people who can't be bothered to find a job and use all the excuses under the sun, we are both very close,especially after losing our father a few years ago which devastated us both. We are both rounded 'normal' people who are both now in contact with our mum although we'll never be as close to her as we were our dad. I think that some people just get on with life like my dad did and others just use their past as an excuse. I hear so many people blaming their behaviour on the fact they never recovered from their parents divorce and still using it 20 years later, drives me bonkers. I know someone who still blames not being able to work at 34 on the fact she grew up without a father and it affected her confidence. Rubbish, my sister and I are both completely different personalities that deal with stress in different ways but still just get on with life,it's too short to be worrying and miserable all the time.

Answer 7

erm well depends on your outlook. my dad beat my mum and it means i can be very wary with men. i rarely enter into relationships with men and only do when I have known them a long time. means i probably pass up plenty of good men and most of the time I am single. however I'm not nessesarily unhappy that I'm single and I am very loving and caring with my friends. I have been described as generous to a fault (which as faults go can't see as being too bad) but I can also be quite dependent on other people for my happiness. Other peoples moods effect me greatly, am always aware of them and find that if i feel someone is being negative or angry i withdraw completely. however with some great friends who know me well i am happy and no doubt will eventually overcome some of my fears. wow that actually felt quite good writing all that!

Answer 8

Isn't all families a little dysfunctional?
I think no matter what kind of childhood one has had you can always be a better person to some degree.

Answer 9

I had a really messed up childhood....my parents were never around, and when they were they fought constantly. The day they got divorced was the happiest day of my entire life. But then my mom became an alcoholic and i had to raise both myself and my brother at the age of 10. I didn't take it as hard as some people though, I learned from the experience and grew from it, and now i know how i never want my kids to be, and the type of parent that i will never be.

Answer 10

It affected me in a positive way. The things that I went through made me who I am today, I learnt to respect myself and others, to protect my family as much if not more than myself, to listen and learn from each experience and most importantly, not to let a child feel alone or stupid in any way!