I have been w/him for 2 years. He has lived w/me for the past yr & 5 mths. He applied and accepted a job 800 miles away w/out talking to me about it first. He told me he couldnt consider me in his decision to do this, as there are no guarentees in our relationship! He says he is doing this for "us" and for "our" future. But yet he makes other statements like "you love me more than I love you" & explains it as "he loves me as much as he can" (he was hurt by his ex-wife-she cheated on him 2x's). He is leaving in less than 2 wks and I am totally devastated! I cannot stop crying and the hurt and pain are overwhelming. He says he loves me and wants me to move w/him, but not until October! His is going to live w/his sister which makes me sick. Ihave children and my family here, not to mention my house, my pets, my job. How do i possibly think of leaving here to be with a man who couldn't include me from the beginning? I get more depressed every day. I don't know how to watch him leave.
2007-02-24 01:48:21 · 10 answers · asked by D S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
About the part of him living w/his sister: he & she are way too close. they talk every day & he tells her everything. he told her about his plans to move first. his ex-wife had major problems w/their relationship, too, so i know it's not just me. He says they're best friends. Whatever! I find it totally disturbing. I'm close w/my brothers too but i don't have to talk to them on a daily basis & tell them everything about my life. Isn't that what you should do w/your significant other?
He keeps giving me mixed signals, first he loves me and wants me with him, then he says to wait till october to make sure this job is right for him. i think its all bs. he also has 2 kids here & he's leaving them, too. how can a man walk away from his kids & a woman who has been so good to him. In my world...you don't walk out on the people you love.
Hes moving back to where he grew up.His family is there.I know he'll never come back here once he moves there.
I dont believe this is for "our" future
2007-02-24 02:33:33 · update #1
Oh you poor woman. I can feel your pain just reading this. You are right about not just getting up and moving because he has never said anything to make you feel secure enough to risk everything you have to go and be with him. I can understand him staying with his sister until he gets a place and gets settled into a new job. Maybe since he has been hurt 2 times in the past this will be a chance to show him that you will not hurt him. Give him the time to get on his feet and see if he still wants you to come there. He is seeing how much you love him as he makes this crucial move. If you hang in there and be supportive and he sees this then if you are what he wants then he will still be wanting you to come. But before you do something like that, I would remind him of all that you have to lose if he is not totally sure of how he feels about you. Remind him that he is the one who said there are no gurantees and that you love him more thatn he loves you and that it would be a dumb thing for you to risk everything for a man that can't even tell you that your the one. You have kids to think about and you must think about what would happen if you left and it didn't work. If possible , and he still wants you to go, think about renting out your house and making it to where if its not what you wanted you can always go back home. I would be afraid because he is not willing to make a verbal commitment so how can you be secure in making such a move?
2007-02-24 02:08:29 · answer #1 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe this could be seen as a chance to make a clean break from him? If he says things like you love him more than he loves you, you clearly aren't as important in his life as you thought you were.
Even though you may love him very much, you have others to think about such as your children and yourself. Do you really want to carry on with someone who is so inconsiderate and dissapointing in your relationship? And what happens if you do move with him in October and it falls apart? You would have uprooted your life for a guy that doesn't seem particularly interested.
Must be a v.hard situation for you, but i think the best thing would be to let him leave and move on with your life.
Good luck.
2007-02-24 10:01:31 · answer #2 · answered by butterfly.bride 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You b/f doesn't have his priorities straight he was not thinking of you nor your relationship to do what he has done let him go you see what kind of person he is now and you need to ask yourself knowing all this would you want to marry him afterall he didn't or doesn't include you in any of his decision making let him go and see what happens at least you have your job and a place to live and don't sell your home or move with him because i think you better find out more about what you could be getting into.
2007-02-24 09:55:36 · answer #3 · answered by Denny O 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
On the other hand, if your boyfriend had turned down this opportunity because of you, he may have well ended up resenting you for it.
He has made his decision, and now you need to make yours. Are you willing to wait until October? Are you willing to uproot yourself from your children, family, job, and house? You are the only one who can answer that question, and not anyone else here.
The good news is that you have until October to make that decision (assuming he was sincere about that offer). In the meantime, you might want to consider enjoying your new found "freedom".
2007-02-24 10:04:36 · answer #4 · answered by Pythagoras 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might not be ov er his marriage emotionally yet. Sorry that you are the one to pay the price emotionally as well. If you show him that his moving will affect you no more than when a re-run of your favorite tv show is on instead of a new episode, you'd be suprised on how that would effect him. Its comfortable for him to move on knowing that someone is totally in love with him. If you had a change of heart (even if its an act) i bet he would have a change of heart to. What do you got to lose?
2007-02-24 10:13:47 · answer #5 · answered by ckgene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think his mind is made up, and don't know if u want to leave your home and kids and animals, of course u are devastated, yes there aren't even any guarantees if one is married to them. wait and see what October brings, chances are he isn't in love as much as u are with him, yes the pain will be with u for awhile, felt the same way watching my ex leave our home, using her truck to move his stuff in. yes it was devastating for me, but i did survive what i thought i could not, we are alot stronger than we think we are. he may not be the one for u, if he truly loved u he would have discussed it with u first.
2007-02-24 10:25:59 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well....there is no easy way to say this but I think he is doing you a favor...use this time to think about what he has done and what he is doing....if he really loved you, he would have talked to you about this opportunity and you would have put a plan in place together......you have children, a home, family etc. to consider.....put them first and you will know what to do....you and your kids deserve better...good luck
2007-02-24 09:53:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't stress enough how important it is for you to leave him at this time. Chin up, find your own place, and MOVE OUT. He has you on a string and there you'll stay FOR EVER. Put your dam chin up and show him your spine and move on.
2007-02-24 10:01:13 · answer #8 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, he sounds like he's terrified of commitment. don't waste your time. i know it's painful, but you will be in a lot more pain if you don't just let him go. find someone healthier
2007-02-24 09:55:54 · answer #9 · answered by G&L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i woul break up with him. but u love him so that makes no sense. you do love right?
2007-02-24 10:05:11 · answer #10 · answered by Jacqueline G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋