Parents of teenagers, how do you get any peace when you have a house full of noisy teenagers?

Question

My husband and I are never on our own. I'm glad they like being at home but there's never anywhere for us to sit. Cups are everywhere. The noise and bickering are horrendous and now the boyfriends come as well. The puppy is being wound up. There's football on the telly and I am at screaming pitch. In fact my husband and I end up going to Asda or go upstairs and lie on the bed. It's making us teasy with each other. I don't want to drive my kids away. (We chose to have them after all). How do you cope with this please?

I'm not saying they're not good kids or good company. It's just the fact that it's never just my husband and I on our own.

Answer 1

Oh honey, been there done that.
I have five all different ages from 14 up to 30, and yes, four years ago we were in that place; all living at home, three of them with babies, two with partners who would descend on us at weekends. AND. My partner has two who would also come for weekends.It was a three bedroom house, with one bathroom. There were bodies everywhere, and my children are all HUGE; sons over 6 ft, daughters 5'6". My partner and I used to go to the bathroom to have a row; or go to our room. We eventually bought a television for our own bedroom.
We decided, reluctantly , to look for a bigger house.
It changed the dynamics of the family completely.
WE bought a 5 bedroom house with three bathrooms; it was OUR house then instead of just MINE.
The eldest girl decided she'd had enough of the chaos, and moved to London the day we signed the contract;
The second girl decided to move in with her boyfriend - they actually bought a house ten minutes from us;
the eldest boy did not want to live in a semi rural area - he and his girlfriend also bought a house close to the city;
so we were left with only the 2 youngest sons - now the older has moved out to set up home with his g/f.
My partners kids are also grown up - they occasionally drop out to spend an evening with us, that's all.
We are rattling around in this HUGE house, just three of us.
I lost virtually my entire family within a four month period.
It was devastating, and I found it very hard to cope. The truth is, I liked the chaos and the messiness. It made me feel needed, and it is something I have had to address. If I hadn't been working full time, I would have become very depressed.
Live with it, love it for what it is - a house filled with love and, yes - chaos. It will pass, all too soon.
In the meantime, since they are all becoming self sufficent now, why don't you and hubby get a little selfish; go out a bit more; go for overnight stays in hotels. Get to know each other again, flirt and romance each other. In a couple of years, you will have each other again. the kids will come back for visits, yes - and like mine, they know that home is a refuge when it's all going wrong for them.

Answer 2

The kids are probably not vicious, nor vindictive. They are not doing it deliberately. Just let them know that you need to live too. If you keep open house for your kids' friends (great idea up to a point - they can socialise in a safe environment, there's communication between generations etc.) then the communication and cooperation has to be two-way.

Specifically, insist on house rules being kept. No raised voices. Music turned down. The TV is yours; you get to choose whether it's on, and on which channel, as long as you're in the room. All cups etc. cleared away & washed, any crumbs, mess etc. hoovered/swabbed/wiped up at once. Conversation to be general and decent, and at an adult level if adults are present. These are after all only the rules you yourselves must be living by - and they amount to no more than the ordinary courtesy you would offer in someone else's house. After all, someone has to clean up and run the joint. Teenagers are young adults and should take their share of the responsibilty - it's what independence means.

Answer 3

Ah... this is just nature's way of preparing us for when the kids have all left home. What sweet relief! When my youngest son left, I found myself spontaneously breaking out into a little jig as I contemplated what a great home office/craft room his bedroom would make! (That being said, you still miss them like crazy - their noise, constant mess, empty milk cartons in the fridge, tripping over their gigantic shoes left in the middle of the hallway, etc.) In the meantime, decide that one or two nights a week the living room is off limits to kids. Simple. If you pick a week night you'll have less flak than if you pick a weekend. On those nights the house is yours. Kids who live there are welcome but have no say in choice of music, tv, meals. The kids will very quickly find something else to do in their rooms. The rest of the time, take a deep breath and do your best to enjoy the chaos. Because before you know it the house will be quiet again. :o)

Answer 4

The Fact that your husband and you end up going to Asda or go upstairs and lie on the bed. It's making you teasy with each other.

Well thats shopping out of the way, use the time in the bedroom wisely and catch up with your own world there, but please use precautions now, dont want more kids to replace the once you have when they move out.

Try exploring each other since you have the time and place.

Good luck and enjoy yourselves.

Answer 5

I have 4 daughters and we are in pretty much the same situation , me and my husband have NO time alone at all , it is hard as we need a bit of peace too just like anyone else , i like the fact i know where my girls are and whats going on but some alone time would be lovely .. We are contemplating going away for a few days and getting granny to move in so we can just relax and enjoy the silence ..

Answer 6

Get back some of the lost years spent looking after them and neglecting each-other by going out together when the house is full. Go to the pub for a chat or go for a relaxing walk.
Other than that do you have space to make a living room for them? Basic loft conversions are quite cheap now or do you have space to put a sofa and TV in your room so you and your hubby can retreat there when it all gets too much!

Answer 7

It could be worse. Much worse. Ask any parent who has had a teenager killed by a drunk driver. Or simply any family after their kids have all left home. The silence is indeed deafening.

Try establishing a "quiet time." Set aside some hour or two a day (or week), when the telly is off, the stereo is off (or on ear-buds), and everyone is doing something quiet. A reward for maintaining the quiet would be good.

Answer 8

I know exactly how you feel, i have four kids and they never seem to go out, even when they are occasionally all out for the night the eldest one who has left home will come round for a chat. I feel like screaming too. Me and my husband go out once a fortnight on our own and try and get away for the weekend once every three months. Other than that we have no peace and have just learnt to accept it. However I am praying for the day they are all independent enough for us to leave home lol yes us they can have the house.

Answer 9

Better that your kids are home and you know what they are doing! You only have them for a short time, then they will be out on their own. Use this time wisely, give the guidance and be thankful that they are there.

It does seem you need to get some control over them, though. Set some rules, make them clean up. Let them know friends are welcomed, but must be responsible.

I know about never being alone with hubby...have that same issue here. We steel moments when we can and sometimes go to lunch together when we can be *almost* alone.

Answer 10

wow, I'm not alone, I'm at the moment sitting in my teenager daughters bedroom with music blaring, my 5 year old running around screaming and the dog barking at all the commotion and tonight the boyfriend is sleeping over. They argue often sometimes it's physical and they drive me up the wall, it's sometimes like Clappham Junction in here with everything going on, regular make-up and clothes discussions, they when they go out the silence is deafening, Teenagers they are a breed all to themselves. I'm sure I didn't give my parents all this trouble.