What do you think about my story?

Question

Tom opened his eyes and all his senses started to work again.Only now he realised that the periodical rattle of the empty bus had sent him to sleep and had overturned the old book of his knees, which was now lieing on the dirty floor under the front seat. Tom reached down and after he unstucked the cover of one stagnant chewing gum, he put it back in his bag. The night had already feld on the valley, but since it was dark in the bus Tom could see the snowflakes dancing out of the window.The boy got up of his seat and slowly waddled towards the drivers cabin.There on the dark glass were some really interesting inscriptions like "If you're reading this you're too close and you're inconveniencing the driver",that Tom could not read right now but had the luck to had seen during his many journeys to the town and back.The boy opened the door and got it.Inside there was a middleaged man, who had put on his head an old- fashioned cap, making him look like a ruined French man.His name was Oscar

Sorry for the mistakes but my English is not very good... It sounds better in my language (bulgarian).

Answer 1

i like it.. although i could not find the purpose of it or the plot which the story should be based on...put you really have an interestin writtin style..
as for me..am lookin forward to know what happened after..
and i also liked it when you were describing the surroundings..i liked it alot..it was like watchin it not readin it ..
Good Luck :)

Answer 2

It all sounded great until I reached this point. "The boy got up of his seat and slowly waddled towards the drivers cabin." *Who is the boy? Is tom the boy?*
There on the dark glass were some really interesting inscriptions like "If you're reading this you're too close and you're inconveniencing the driver",that Tom could not read right now but had the luck to had seen during his many journeys to the town and back. *this part just doesn't sound right, why did he get up, why is he all of a sudden reading this to us ...*
The boy opened the door and got it.Inside there was a middleaged man, who had put on his head an old- fashioned cap, making him look like a ruined French man.His name was Oscar. *is the boy that just got on an other boy, who is not Tom? is someone else? I am at a lost here*

Good luck
Over all I do believe that the story is an interesting one and could develop into something good. You need to clean up the story and explain to your audience about the characters better. Or will you do this further in the story?

Answer 3

Keep trying Jerey. I would recommend you take some type of writers course. Your story seems to be somewhere in the middle stages; I'd suggest you figure out where it STARTS (more background, on characters), include more detail on how your character came to be in his/her present situation. As well, you want to refine your layout of the details by separating one thought from the next - don't rush to complete the piece. Instead, write out ("draft") the process of your story, from start to finish, allowing the details for each situation/background/verbal exchange work themselves out as you write. Don't try to complete a piece of writing on the 1st go, because doing this can cause you to lose details and takes what might have been a fine story down to the level of gibberish. Rewrites are a necessary tool for preventing this sort of thing.
Good Luck on Your Writing Career Jerey!

Answer 4

Great plot! But for me, it would be easier to understand if you improve on your grammar and spelling. Do write more because I'm a writer from Fan fiction.Net and I could see you have some potential!

Answer 5

It seems to be the start of a promising story. Could use some editing though.

Answer 6

Work on your spelling, grammar and punctuation. The story line is hard to understand. What is the premise?

Answer 7

Crap. I never actually read it, but I saw the name Tom and I hate people called Tom.

Answer 8

to leanthy(just kidding)its intresting