mental abouse?

Question

can anybody help me i have been with my husband for 18 years we are living in england and have one child who is 6 i don't have family around and nobody really to talk to I have been getting mental abuse from him for years putting me down dirty looks turning his back on me when we have gone out but if i talked to anybody he is over to join in and take over any friends i have had he has put down so i don't bother anymore as i have just turned 40 i feel i have just woken up from a long sleep and want my life to begin not going to take it anymore and told him how i feel he said if i feel like that there is nothing he can do about it long story short he said he would get a flat 2 months ago when i asked last night when he would be moving out said he changed his mind and he was staying we have bought a house two years ago and i think thats all he is worried about my question is i know there is lots of help for physical abuse places to stay and that but what is there for mental

Thanks to everyone this has really helped me, this is for the person who said i need to learn how to spell it was a miss print i think you and my husband would get on really well

Answer 1

I don't know about England, but there are many places you could go in America. The phone book is a start, or the internet. Don't wait. Look up domestic or spousal issues and support. I went through that hell for FIVE years and left and am now re-married to the most wonderful man. I don't regret a day of leaving, even though it was the hardest thing I ever did. You will be so much happier, though it is hard to get away at first. You sound like you are ready and willing to be your own person. I have said a prayer for you!

Answer 2

There isn't a great deal of help for mental abuse but there are many fine self help, empowering books around. I read 'In The Meantime' by Iyanla Van Zant. It gave me the courage to leave my ex - we had been together 20 years and had a child together aged 9. I left almost 7 years ago and have not regretted it. Its difficult because you feel you are letting your child downf. You can get over that and once you are on your own you will become really close to your child. Mine thanks me often for taking her away from all the hassle. I left because the mental abuse was being used on her as well as me - don't wait until it gets that far before you do anything about it. I 'woke up' when I was 41 - it can be done - just know that you can do it too.

Answer 3

Mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.
Go and see a lawyer and find out your rights regarding the house, and custody of the child.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Don't live in an unhappy relationship.

Answer 4

Well Joan, i think you should see a solicitor, they can advise you of what to do next, make sure you explain how life has been living with this idiot. A new start is what you need, i'm also 40, i have been on my own for 2 years and it's been the best time of my life, dont delay, you're wasteing precious time. Good luck. x

Answer 5

Your life sounds so similar to what mine was.You have nothing to show no bruises etc. it can wreck your head.But that is what it is designed to do,it about control.My ex would not let me finish a sentence without interrupting me,if I said anything he would kick off shouting at me.I then learnt to put up and shut up. I was petrified that he would start shouting at me,name calling me,my family,religion,etc.Then the years role by,tried different strategies.Then my daughter begins to treat me the same way.WOW THAT WAS THE WAKE UP CALL. I rang helplines etc. to get advice.Last October he kicked off and I TOLD him to leave. Yes there are financial issues,but I cut my cloth to suit my needs.Its 4 months now.I sleep so much better.I have kept a diary through out ,this may sound soft,but it helps me get things straight in my head.ITS NOT YOU make a call to a WORST KEPT SECRET HELPLINE.It wont appear on your bill.You have a right to feel safe and secure in your own home.GOOD LUCK YOU WILL GET THE HELP YOU NEED TO MOVE ON TO A HAPPIER LIFE

Answer 6

Hi
There is help for mental abuse just as there is for physical abuse, contact Women's Aid or even your doctor who will give you all the necessary information required. Mental abuse is classed the same as physical abuse. There are people who will help you get out of this awful situation.
Best wishes.

Answer 7

Under UK law, it is possible to get an occupation order - an injunction - against an abusive spouse who engages mental abuse. The order would force your husband to leave the matrimonial home. They can be obtained very quickly.

You should get a solicitor and he or she will be able to advise you.

Answer 8

You are right to get out of there, its not good on you or your son/daughter. I'm sure there are places out there to help you out. If he is more worried about the house let him be just get out.Mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, you dont deserve this treatment you are getting.

Answer 9

there are people out there now, mainly guys who don't hit women but torture them mentally and control their lives like this.
you have already taken the first steps by telling him how you feel now what you need to do is follow through with what you intend to do. rent a flat/house as a temporary measure and actually go to move out and watch his reaction.
the chances are he will see that you are serious about what you intend to do and maybe he might change his ways slightly but if you're still concerned and worried then go to your doc and explain this to him and he can refer you to specialists. best of luck.

Answer 10

Womens refuge. They cover all Abuse catagories that women endure. Your local council or local police will have the address that you need. Counselling centers may also be able to help. Good Luck