My boyfriend has been so stressed out these days about his job. He's been feeling very low. He had a fight with his boss as his boss refused to promote him and in his job the only way forward is to be promoted. He works till evenings and in the meantime he goes for interviews in the lunch time looking for a new job. He spends his evenings and weekends preparig himself for these interviews. He's actually going for 2 big interviews near my city in 2 weeks time so we can see each other more often. He told me yesterday that we will meet each other in 2 weeks. He told me the other day that he's getting completely crazy with his company and he cannot wait until he leaves but he still needs to pretend in front of his boss that all is ok as he cannot just leave now. He told me he needs time to focus and he warned me he may be less available for me until then but I have not been able to leave him alone. I have become needy and I told him we're loosing our relaitonship. He became upset with me.
2007-02-23 20:01:29 · 15 answers · asked by Elisa N 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hey listen, every relationship has problems, and I can perfectly understand this problem. It's quite common in every relationship actually, guys feel the need for their own personal "cave" where they wish not to communicate with others. I bet that even when you ask him what's wrong, how his job search is going, etc. he may not be very enthusiastic about discussing some things.
As of now, I'm sorry to say, but if you like this man, you have to give him his room, he needs to sort things out in his own life, and he wishes not to communicate with ANYONE about some things. He's obviously very very pressured, and as a guy, I can tell you that we feel most insulted when our job, our capabilities, etc. are questioned. Even if you're just trying to talk to him, he won't take it that way.
Give him his 2 weeks, and later when he comes back to you, let him know it's been hard on you.... don't "complain" to him, or he'll feel even worse, betrayed. He'll think "she was there until now, was she doing me a favour???" Let him know that you understand his situation, and tell him about what he can do, how he can tell you, the next time he's in a similar situation.
I really think you guys can work this out :-) Don't stress him more at the moment, or he'll distance himself more. Avoid 'relationship talks', like "Where is this relationship going?", "How do you see me?", etc. Cuz he won't like these questions at this point and you won't like his response. Give him time to sort his own mess out, but DO let him know that if he needs someone to talk to, confide in, you're just a message or a call away. He'll really really appreciate this inside, and he'll see that you wanna get closer, but you're doing what makes his life a bit easier. He may not say it aloud, but he'll like your support a lot inside, if you provide it to him...
I know this seems unfair to you, but this happens in relationships.... it's a step in getting closer.... :-)
Good luck :-) I hope everything turns out well....
2007-02-23 20:16:46 · answer #1 · answered by Praveen C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know, he really doesn't need the added stress of you being so needy. I have been in the position of hating my job. He needs your support, not whining. It sounds like he's doing a lot to help himself to find a better position, and closer to you no less. I'd be upset with you too! Right now this cannot be about you. It's about him and him trying to improve his life so that he is happier and in a job that he enjoys and can move ahead. Once he's happier, he will be able to spend more quality time with you. But for now, give him a break.
2007-02-24 04:11:34 · answer #2 · answered by jama_bc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, he probably is feeling that as soon as things get a little hard for him or the two of you-you are giving up on him or the relationship. Guys like girls that will be by their side when the rough gets going. I understand you feel lonely but right now-he is trying to do right and get his life together.You should try making him feel better during his down moments not add to it. Try to show him that you support him-The reward will come in the end.Patience is a Virtue and the greatest rewards are given to those that have it.
2007-02-24 04:06:52 · answer #3 · answered by RoxieC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, it sounds like you are draining him by being so needy. The best thing you can do for him right now is to focus on developing your own life. When you rewind the tape you'll realize that he's trying to tell you that his personal interests are elsewhere. When you become less needy of him. Plus you may find that there are bigger and better fish in the sea.
2007-02-24 04:09:05 · answer #4 · answered by Venita Peyton 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can understand, its not easy to behave in a typical practical manner wen u dont get ur man as much as u need, and u never thought u will b doing so much harm wen u acted a little childish, u were insecure, but now u know that u have dome some mistakes so dont redo them, just relax, work on ur emotions, and tell him that u r sorry, and then just give him his space, but girl just b a little careful, if he goes like this for long, then there is a problem, but right now, just give him his time and space
2007-02-24 04:13:35 · answer #5 · answered by ria 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to keep your relationship you need to get busy...
Everyone is attracted to fun, loving, excited, interesting people -
so you don't want to be needy...and you don't have to be....
Get involved in doing something for widows, or orphans, the homeless. Call a nearby Christian Church and get involved; this is very attractive and you will meet many fun interesting, loving people.....don't let fear hold you back from being who you were meant to be......just do it.....and all of your relationships will blossom and others will be planted.
...fearless and much more interesting -now....
Sista C
2007-02-24 04:11:36 · answer #6 · answered by sista c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop acting like a needy and overemotional girl!!! I know it's hard but if you act needy you're gunna drive him away. Guys don't like girls that they already know they HAVE. Act like it doesn't even bother you and I promise you he will give you all the free time he has. YOU NEED TO ACT INDEPENDENT OR YOU WILL LOOSE HIM!!
2007-02-24 04:07:07 · answer #7 · answered by tutorgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to let him have his space and let him concentrate with what he is trying to accomplish.....if you keep being needy and you don't leave him alone, you WILL be losing the relationship.
Just give him support and let him do what he's gotta do.
2007-02-24 04:06:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time is the only answer for this. Give him support and a smile its the best med's for anyone and tell him that you still think he's a good man..
2007-02-24 04:04:09 · answer #9 · answered by imgreatforyou 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was right to be upset.
You should NOT be adding to his stress right now.
At least not much. You can ask him for some very specific things if you really need them. But you are not helping him or yourself.
2007-02-24 04:04:28 · answer #10 · answered by Curt Monash 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋