How do you handle a death if you are next of kin?

Question

The topic of death has recently come up in our home, mostly about naming a guardian for our children should something ever happen. But it got me thinking. Someday my mother will pass away and I am next of kin. She is unmarried, our family lives across the country and we are not close. When she passes I will be next of kin and I have NO CLUE how one handles that sort of thing. How do I plan a funeral or pay for one? How do I contact far away relatives I havent spoken to since I was a child? What besides a funeral do I do? I assume there is a will. But how do I pay her final expenses? Are they my responsibility (I only ask because we are hardworking people who just make ends meet)?
Tell me everything. What do you do when you are next of kin and no one is there to help you through that awful time?

I have lost someone dear to me before, but I was not his next of kin either, none of it was my responsibility.

Thank you for your answers so far.
I realized I made it seem like I live far from her, she's really only in the next state, 2 cities over... so a 60 minute drive. Its our family who lives far away and I am not close with any of them at all, I don't even know how to find ther phone numbers.
I am 27 so my mom could very well have another 30 years left in her, but you just never know. I think she is very depressed in life and hesitates to seek help. I worry... I wrry that she will die of depression. Not necessairly suicide, but more of dying of a "broken heart" if that makes any sense.
IN the past 3 years my mom has had so much going on that I just don't know what the future holds for her, and her own mother died when she was only 29 (thats really what got me thinking)

Answer 1

Your mother should have life insurance that will pay for her funeral. If she doesn't then she should. She and/or you can pre pay for one.

Funerals can be planned a head of time with a funeral home. Talk to your mom about it. Ask her what she would want. If you wait until she passes it is OK, funeral homes are very helpful with planning one. They will tell you everything you need to know. They will help you with a grave site if she does not have one and a head stone and other things like that. They will also help you if your mother wants to be cremated.

They will even get her body from where ever it is. Like a hospital.

making phone calls it about the best and only way to let family members know that someone has died. Dont feel bad just cause you have not talk to them in years. They have n't talk to you in years.

If you are the next of kin anything other then a funeral is up to you unless your mother states she wants a wake or a party after she dies, like in her will or something else. You really do not need to do anything then have a funeral.

You might have to talk to your mother about all this. Make sure she has a will and that everything she wants is in it.

Try not to worry, it will be ok when/if it happens. There are lots of people out there that will help you.

Answer 2

If she has a will she has most likely designated an Executor. It may be you or it may not. You can look up what an Executor needs to do to find out more. It will help you to do this now rather than at an upsetting time. You really should talk to her about it. She may have things she would like done at the funeral. My Mom is 80 and has been telling me what music she would like and what kind of service etc. Planning ahead will make it much less difficult and upsetting. The Executor needs to liquidate the estate (sell everything) and manage the bills that are left with the money she has left. If there isn't enough money to cover the expenses the funeral expenses come first. There are places to get info on this but sometimes it's different in different states.
Check these sites: http://www.professionalreferrals.ca/article-517.html http://trust.agedwards.com/personal_trust_services/estate_settlement.html

Answer 3

Unfortunately I have recent experience with this. Both my mother and my grandmother have passed away with in the last three years.
We went through the local mortuary and had a plan all picked out BEFORE they had passed away. We only had about 4 months notice that my mom was as sick as she was so she pretty much picked the things that she wanted (casket, color and kinds of clothes she wanted & funeral service) and we filled in the blanks. The mortuary is awesome with the details of things like the obituaries...you give them dates and places of birth and a little info on family and they take care of it all for you.
Being that you live so far from your mother I would suggest looking up the local mortuaries where she lives and they will send brochures for you to look at and if you can...you really should discuss this with your mother. Trust me when I say that I know that this is a conversation that truly sucks but it has to happen or you will be left with the burden of trying to figure out what you THINK she wanted. Both my grandmother and my mother were able to help out in that regard. They picked out their own casket and they had pre-paid their burial plots and even started paying on their funeral expenses according to the plan they had selected.
IF there is a life insurance policy...I would hope that it is enough to pay for funeral expenses but it's not like you get a check in the mail the next day. Life insurance policies can take a few months to get back but most mortuaries know this and they make arangements for things like this.
Any bills left unpaid by her will be the "executor's" problem and that being you...yes you will be responsible for taking care of that stuff but it would be like if there is anything left from the life insurance or if there is a house to sell then all bills get paid BEFORE anyone else can take claim to any inheritance money. Most credit card companies have a certain type of insurance on them and you just have to send a copy of the death certificate and the debt is gone. The average request for death certificates is 10 because you will have to submit so many originals. Closing bank accounts, showing proof to life insurance companies, household bill companies etc.

Regardless of whether you decide to talk to her or not...you will have people to help you get through it all. I don't know that I have helped any but I hope so.

Answer 4

Your mom should get a funeral preplan if she doesn't already have one. You should go with her and meet with one or more funeral homes and make your decisions and get a guaranteed insurance plan that will cover everything. Wouldn't hurt you to get one yourself either. Much better than regular life insurance for this purpose.

Answer 5

Yes, it is the way now days. When someone dies at work or in the home, the police are called first. The police then call an ambulance. The hospital usually wants the husband/wife to come to the hospital to identify the body and to make arrangements as to where to send the body. Sorry, there is no easy way to do this.