The girl Im talking about is my current girlfriend. She was with some guy 4 years ago, up until a year ago when I met her. During her past relationship she was basically this guys booty call. He called her when he was horny and fucked her. Then just took off and did it again and again and again. She was miraculously incredibly in love with this guy, and let him drag her through the mud, and completely disrespect her for the 4 years she was in love with him. He never acknowledged a relationship with her, and she went around doing everything in her power to make him fall for her. Now that I'm in a relationship with her, I can't help but picture these scenarios in my head, when I saw him taking her to his room and f*ck.ing her (this guy was my roommatte). He always talked crap about her (even to her face). She put up with this and loved him dearly. I verbally abuse her and have no respect for her. How am I suppose to appreciate her love, when she loved somebody like that?
2007-02-23 18:29:14 · 8 answers · asked by plyrz_number1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
How can you possibly think you are justified in having a go at this girl for being foolish/weak enough to take the scraps that were fed to her and try to make it work between her and her ex?
Your anger that a woman that you supposedly care about would allow anyone to treat her like that (particularly a man that you knew, which no doubt is causing you to feel some jealousy that he was there first) is preventing you from actually accepting her as a person in her own right, who happened to make a mistake.
No doubt her self-esteem was crushed by being with this other man, and it takes a long time to recover from that kind of thing.
For goodness sakes, have a heart. Either finish with her and let her find someone who does respect her, despite the 'failings' that she has had in the past, or shut up and be a real caring man.
Just because she has low self -esteem doesn't give you just cause to stick the boot in as well.
If you really cared for her you would be working with her to raise her estimation of herself, not destroying it further. THAT is love.
2007-02-24 02:40:13 · answer #1 · answered by Sun is Shining ❂ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand. You feel her love is second-class love and not sincere. Actually you should look at it differently: if she loved that man despite what he did, her love for you would be unconditional too. I say she deserves great love from you after what she's been through. If you give her respect and treat her with utmost care and respect, the result may be a deeper and fulfilling relationship. I also understand why you can't respect her: did she really have sex with him in front of you? Where is her sense of self-respect and morals? I'm not judging her, it just sounds really weird. But you should remember that many women make excuses when a husband/partner abuses them. They are almost numbed in their emotions, brainwashed even, and it takes time and hard wake-up calls before they realize what's going on. Don't blame her for it. No, you're not justified, to answer your question. I would say rather break it up temporarily, encourage her to go for counselling, give her time to really recover (it's been a year you say) and then when the wounds are healed and you have regained your respect as a friend, try again.
2007-02-24 08:33:17 · answer #2 · answered by Blodeuedd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you going out with someone you don't even like? This "relationship" sounds like a train wreck. She needs to find someone who will think of her as a person (which you don't), and you need to work out what's wrong with you that you are happy with a girlfriend who you so clearly think is scum.
You knew all this about her before you met her, so why did you want to get involved? Do you fancy your ex-roommate, or did you think treating a girl like that looked like such great fun that you wanted to try it, or are you just down on yourself and don't think you deserve anything better?
Either get over the past - which means never mentioning it again and never using it as an excuse/justification (so your current behaviour stands on its own and if you treat her badly it speaks about what sort of a person YOU are, not her) - or do the decent thing and end this. The situation as it currently stands is not doing either of you any good.
2007-02-23 21:43:16 · answer #3 · answered by Snakey B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand how you must be feeling, She obviously had low self esteem at the time, and I can sympathise with her too. However, you cannot punish her for ever (she may even think she deserves it) If you cannot deal with it or have no respect for her, then you shouldn't be with her and you are treating her just like the last guy! We all go through relationships that are not always honest or even, dont put her through any more
2007-02-23 23:30:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For me it was you who need a good counselling. If you love her you will forget the past and start a new life. Rather than recalling the bad experiences she had. Just think about what she been put through in her life and put the scenario if thats other way around. What would you feel about yourself. Just be thankful the bad experieneces she had was over. and get over it into your head. Then you will feel her love for you, same way to you.
2007-02-23 21:00:16 · answer #5 · answered by Corinthian1 vs 4-8 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are showing this poor girl the same disrespect as your " roomate ". Whatever makes you think you are different when you are verbally abuse her. If she's your girlfriend then you should cherish her and forget the past.
2007-02-23 21:14:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
the girl cudnt choose who she fell in love with!! and i cnt believe she hasnt finished with u if u verbally abused her and hav no respect for her!
ur a lucky guy! not many girls wud put up with that. seems she must really love you so get over her past and concentrate on what u hav together!
2007-02-23 22:02:24 · answer #7 · answered by bella x 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what is wrong with you? if you dont respect her y the hell r yu going out with her? your the same as the other guy man..
2007-02-24 05:30:42 · answer #8 · answered by girl_next_door_red 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋