Why did i fail with this girl?

Question

long story short,i had this best friend of mine for about 9 years,we became friends in the 6th grade,and ended the friendship as a sophmore in college,like 1 week ago.anyway 9th grade i spilled my guts, told her how i felt about her,i was sincere,i really loved her. but she said no,in a nice way.she jumped from boyfriend to bf, one jerk after another, they hit her, emotionally abandoned her, and only hurt her.i loved her so much and wanted her to be my world. i was her best friend so i got to bring her roses,and take her to movies and dinner,and spend time with her without having to make up excuses as to why.but she could never see how much i wanted her..she broke my heart,it hurt alot and it still does.i just wanted a chance to make her happy,because i can tell it's not a feeling she's used to.i think mentally,i'm emotionally bankrupt,like i just give up,i believe i wasn't meant to be happy,i did my best & failed, so why would it be different with any other girl?

Answer 1

Dude, dont look at it as ur problem. It's her lost if anything. Stop wasting ur time with her.. there's someone out there better than her just waiting around the corner for ya. Cheers and good luck!

Answer 2

I don't think you failed anyone least of all yourself. Sounds like this girl just didn't want the nice guy, she's after the bad boys. They seem to always win until it becomes time to settle down and then the nice guys always win.
I don't think I would want to be a bad boy, my son is a nice guy and he has the nicest girlfriend now. I think in time you too will find the right girl and have a great experience. Don't change, because if you try to become a bad boy you will be really disappointed in the type of girls you will attract.
I do believe that you wanted more from her than she was capable of giving to anyone even to herself. She sounds like the type who feels as if she deserves to be treated the way she is being treated. I feel sorry for her as she has missed out on the nicest person in her life.
I do believe that your love life is as good as you want it to be. If you don't want one, you won't have one, you have to give a lot and expect very little back and I believe in if you love something let it go if it comes back to you it's yours to keep.
You will find the love of your life, but not without taking a risk. Give life and love a try...you will find not all are self abusers.
Take care...I wish you the best. I hope the most beautiful, wonderful and smartest girl walks into your life and turns you upside down so you can appreciate what you've been missing!

Answer 3

I am not sure why you think you 'just give up'. You had an unrequited love for 9 years. You never gave up hope that someday she would love you in return. Hmmm

She...is a woman who has set herself on a collision course with men. There is something not okay in her world in order for her to keep getting involved with the wrong men. Something in her...that doesn't feel worthy of real love. That...my dear...is very sad...and there's nothing you can do about it.

You wanted to save her...and you couldn't. It wasn't your job honey. Regardless of why...she still did not choose you to be her man. You can't save people who don't want to be saved. If you have a need to save...please seek short term counseling...especially if you can't get over this.

Please try and remember that you were both very young and still are. That type of young love feels so intense...and the pain feels like it will last forever....but it always hurts to love someone who doesn't or can't love us back.

It is not 'failure' to care about someone. We can't 'make' people change the way they feel. Doing your best is only 'failure' if you think you are in control of the universe. And guess what? You aren't. People have the freedom to choose. She didn't make the choice you wanted. That is sad...but it is what it is.

Now...you make choices that will bring you your own happiness. Find someone who loves you for you and who wants you to love them. Don't fall into the theory you can't make it in your love life. You sound sweet and I know there will be someone special for you. Any guy that buys flowers and takes to movies and loves as much as you have the ability to...is a great catch! Keep developing these romantic tendencies...and you will go far.

We have to love people enough to let them go. Let this girl go...with love.

The pain you feel now will lesson and you will find love again.

Have faith!

Answer 4

Women don't like really nice guys (if they say they do, they don't know what they want), I'll even admit that I don't, it's annoying......prolly cuz my dad is an *** and that's what I'm used to. Women seem to go for guys who are like their fathers......

And as you can apparently see, she was prolly abused (emotionally, physically, etc.....) by her father.....so unless you were an abusive person to her, she wouldn't have ever wanted you.

So don't be superly nice and caring to women......act like a jerk sometimes, but not too much. Make fun of them in a joking way. Pretend like you don't want them sometimes. Just how they say men always want what they can't get....it's the same for women for some lame reason.

Answer 5

You really just answered your own question...because another attempt at a relationship WOULD be with another girl.

Darling, take it from me...disappointments are unavoidable facts of life. I hate to tell you this, but the heartache you feel is sadly, not a one time thing. There's no such thing as immunity. You'll feel it again and again...of course, in varying degrees. But loss and pain are things that we as mortal humans toil with. Ironically, these strong emotions are the things that make us human.

Also, here's something I hope you'll learn now. You have the power in protecting your heart. Some of this will be easier as you get older. But don't give up on love because of one event in your early 20's. And when you do put yourself out there again, be open to things, but protect yourself as well. You can't save people from themselves. Her issues, whatever they are, seem to force her in the arms of jerks. She needs to be treated badly because tragically, it seems that's all she feels worthy of.

Your heart was in the right place but playing the role of rescuer to a woman who at this stage of the game doesn't seem to want to be rescued, means you're going to be lonely and frustrated. Don't look for people to become "projects". Look for someone who'll be completely able to give to you what you give to them. This woman can't...she's incapable. Why are you maintaining the pain you still feel? What are getting out of this heartache? It sure keeps you from involving yourself with anyone else, doesn't it? Somestimes pain becomes very convenient when we're scared to death.

Lastly, you aren't responsible for anyone else's happiness. Except yourself.

And you DIDN'T fail with this woman. She didn't succeed.

Now, go out there and find your smile in 2007.

Missy K

Answer 6

You did not fail!! You gave it your best shot! Sounds like she was using you anyway. Sure, you were her friend and she took all those lovely things you gave her, as a friend?? Come on dude, wake up! Dont be down on yourself, let her go.. I'll bet she will be calling you soon enough.. but remember, its only friendship for her, so keep giving and she will keep taking. best thing for you to do, is be phone buddies and find a girl who loves ya for who you are.. peace out!

Answer 7

Because not all females are the same as her. She was looking for the "bad boy" type and you weren't it she looked at you as more of a friend type that she knew would pick her up when she was kicked down.

There are girls out there that are looking for someone like you but you are overlooking them because you are all google eyed over the wrong girl for you.

Answer 8

You sound like you need therapy. You wasted years and years of your life on someone who didn't love you.

Answer 9

Don't give up. You sound nice. Find another girl.