I have confidence problems and I usually don't feel like I belong.?

Question

Somedays I feel really unattractive, unintelligent, boring, dull...etc. I feel like I have nothing to say. I worry about people asking me questions because I feel that I will say something stupid. I'm in college now. I thought by now I wouldn't have these problems, but they still remain buried inside of me. I see a psychologist, doesn't really help. I feel like a loner, but I am always socializing. I don't easily trust people. I feel akward and strange at times. Where do I belong? Sometimes I think I will settle for anyone who I feel comfortable around because so many times I feel so uncomfortable around someone I truly like. I'm weird, different, stupid. That's how I see myself. What to do?

Answer 1

You definately have some self-esteem issues to deal with, I suggest you contact a counselor at school and discuss this.

There are many ways to build confidence in yourself. One thing you can begin to do is stop those negative messages you say you feel. Watch your self talk, make sure you are thinking positive thoughts instead of negative ones.

You can make friends if you learn how to ask people about themselves, listen attentively, smile, be friendly and find things in common with people.

Make a list of all the good things about you, be honest, not critical. Get friends and family to help with this list. Keep that list handy and look at it daily. Own it.

Don't get desperate and settle for anyone, that is very dangerous.

Answer 2

First, start off by not calling yourself "weird and stupid, unattractive and boring, etc". Exchange all those negative words with positive words- "I am loved, beautiful, intelligent, interesting, a good bowler"- whatever you have to do to get started if it is hard to be positive at first. I know how you feel- I used to feel the same way. 2 years ago I went through a partial hospitalization program where we focused on "cognitive behavioral therapy" and it has changed my life and made me more confident and happy. I am back in school and getting my nursing degree. It is based on the book by Dr. Burns- "Feeling Good" and "10 Days to Self Esteem". You just have to start slow by catching yourself when you are being negative and stop the negative thought and replace it with a good one. If you think back, how long have you been telling yourself those things? I did it for years and never really realized it. I'd say something to someone and think "how could you say that, that was soooo stupid" and i'd dwell on it for days, weeks, I can even remember things now from 20 years ago I said- and of course the person i said it to didn't even pay attention to what I said 2 minutes after I said it. But here i am, years later still putting myself down over it. Just some suggestions, hope they help, at least as a starting point. Good luck.

Answer 3

I feel the same way. Even with family and friends, I feel awkward and like I don't belong. Somedays I feel unattractive and dull too. I can't tell you how many times I have been to a party and had nothing interesting or smart to say. I am 26, and married with two kids. I wish I was that mom who had it all together, but I'm not. I find that if I fake it, it helps. I act happy or like I am this very confident person and it's easier to fit in. I've always been a loner, but I socialize quite a bit. I doubt anyone sees you as weird or stupid. You may be being too hard on yourself.

Answer 4

You are a wonderful person. I can tell that. Don't feel bad about yourself. Everybody, one time, or another has feelings of self doubt and insecurity. Don't let anyone tell you different. Look, God made each one of us different. He didn't make any trash. You are a very special, wonderful, and unique person. Thank you for being you. If you want to discuss this contact me. You are not alone. I've had to get past this myself.

Answer 5

No worries, we all feel that some point of time.

Usually the main cause is that we have different psychological needs with in us which are not met by single group people.

Cast you net wide and don't expect everything from a single person. Life would be very boring, if one person could fulfill all our needs

Answer 6

you seriousely have a confidence problem... i don't really know hwat to say but try to really get to know people (try not to let your confidence get in the way) and then you may possably find people you can talk to about it with that you really trust......... your not the only one feeling those things bout yourself..... i know its not easy but try to think of the good things and not the bad things bout yourself...... (trust issues are hard to deal with)... good luck and remember somebody loves you : )