I hate my mother. please help. what do you think?

Question

I hate my mother. But I love her too.

My mother screams at me that I am never nice to her and why couldn't I have been as good as my older sister. I help her work at her resturant ( I am underage and not paid) and listen to what she says. She yells I'm a brat and I treat her so badly when she has given me everything. But she hasn't given me everything. I go home to a lonely apartment everyday after school because my parents are too busy working at the resturant. I go to the resturant every weekend to help and I don't get to go over to friends' houses because of that. I've never taken lessons like piano or dancing out of school because they are too expensive even though they just bought a new car. I feel like I never measure up to my big sister because everytime she comes home to visit I am forgoten. I hate my mother for leaving me alone and have freedom. But most of all when I was little she would lay on top of me and start biting me, kissing me, slap my butt. Am I wrong to hate her

The last part scarred me. I thought that all kids were supposed to have their butts slapped and bitten in a sexual manner. Is what my mom did sexual assult? Touching me that way? I'm not good enough. I'm too stupid to be in the family. That's how my mom makes me feel.

five for the last part. 14 now. i do love my mother but it does really hurt. im sorry for the one that lost theirs. a mother is special but nevertheless i feel hurt.

she doesnt have time for me to talk with her. she truly doesnt. im being honest here. i really am. i want help to not hate my mother because to the Bible its wrong. i was afraid that ppl wouldnt understand and i was right.

Answer 1

I know exactly how you mean, I face the same situation at home every single day. I've learned to ignore alll the negative things that she does or says to me. I try to avoid coming in contact with her - cuz its eventually going to hurt me only. My whole hearted suggestion is to you is to ignore your mum's hurtful world and focus on more important parts of your life, your just 14 now - starting high school soon? So I would suggest you focus more on your school - take part in sports , cultural events to get your mind off your mum.

Answer 2

Your last comment caught me off guard, im not sure what your intention was. Did she violate you by kissing you etc? Or was it just for fun and you were trying to give an example of how she loves you? All I know is that your mother loves you and that no mother is perfect. It is not right to have favorites though. And i highly suggest you talk to your mother about how you feel second best. I am a twin so I am very familiar with how that feels. But the best way to approach your mother is to make sure you can talk to her without putting her on defense. Just talk about how you feel, not about how you think she should parent. And although the restaurant seems to consume your life now, it is only temporary until you can start your own life. And the skills you are learning now will be very beneficial when you are older. You must make the best of what you have and appreciate it. I hope you can have a good talk with your mom!

Answer 3

Its hard for your situation not to hate her because you are hurt and you feel anger. Try to talk to her. Let her know what's going on. Even if she doesn't want to. Let your feelings be heard. Try to see happiness in everything that she asks you to do. Talk to her that you feel forgotten, and you really can't measure up to your big sister not because you are stupid or anything which you are not, but because every individual is created differently and have different purposes. So if your sister is maybe good with the academics, then THAT is where she is good at, it doesn't mean that since you are not so good with academics is means you're stupid. It only means that academics is not your specialty. That is not the area you are supposed to excel. Each individual is created with God-given talents and areas to excel. Find what you're good at and the things you enjoy, you'll surely succeed.

For the sexual assault thing, again talk to her. But not immediately proceeding to the sexual assault opinion that you think she does. Let her know that you try to understand her to the point of hating yourself. Ask her why? All the things that makes you mad at her. If music is what you want to do, try to save money and get yourself lessons. Maybe she'll eventually see that those things are the things you enjoy. Tell her you feel neglected, ask her to be more reasonable at times and spend some time with you.

Try not to hate her, but who am i to tell. Just talk to her to get some clarity. But talk to her at the right time, place, mood and privately. Plan the talk. We can't give the the direct answer, you have the key to get the answer. Use it.

Answer 4

I dont have enough info, but is this abuse?

I'm so so sorry! My dad's sort of like that, he has temper issues.... *rolls eyes, some people*

I've learned to put up with it, but I've also learned how not to cry. The other day I wanted so badly to cry my eyes out, but couldn't.

Tell your friends everything every week, let them know what's up, then get better advice.

REMEMBER
you are just as good as your big sister, don't let anyone tell you otherswise.

you are an awesome person, and will always be, don't let your mom get in the way.

A friend is a person who knows you [and your family], but loves you anyway.

You are in control of your own fate.

When some one yells angrily, and rudely, is it worth listening to?

Answer 5

You sure is having a tough problem. But I guess that's normal. Sometimes I feel like that too when they favor my younger sis than me. I guess if you really are doing nice things, just keep it up and they might see it and appreciate it at the right time. When her mood is okay, why don't you two talk about this problem. Tell her about your worries. Select your words so no irritation may occur. Be patient. Pray. Trust God and He will help you out. He alone can know and touch the depths of the human heart.

Answer 6

What your mother USE TO DO is NOT sexual assult, She kisses you because she loves you, she bit you because it's being playful, of coarse my sister didn't hit me in the head with a toy guitar and stuff my head into pillows till I sufficated and bite my fingers off trying to kill me! Because she loves me, we don't kill each physically anymore now though! ;D. Parents DO slap their kids on the butt. We've all seen in movies, it's not sexual it's parents! They've touched your butts before when changing your diapers and giving you baths or....picking out....personal.....girl things....to make sure they fit right....uh....anyways, but your mother and father do sound neglective parents. Maybe you should tell a counserler at your school and see what they think. This is child abuse emotionally.

Answer 7

It's okay if you hate your mother. You have some valid reasons to feel this way. Don't listen to these losers who think you have to put up with being treated badly just because she gave birth to you...so what! Just because you can have a kid doesn't mean you are automatically a good parent. My parents are dead but i'd rather not have a parent than have one as crappy as your mom.
Talk to her and tell her how you fell and if nothing changes you are free to go on your own when you are 18.

Answer 8

How old are you? When I was a teen, I remember I hated my mother, too.
Now I don't hate her, as I learned how to accept her in the way she is. But I don't recall having memories involving embarrassment and sex related issues with my parents . Could you access to some kind of Psychological service?
BTW, I don't agree with what has been said previously. Sometimes parents say wrong things, sometimes they do things that damage us and we need help to get out of a sick situation.
if you are honest with us and mainly with yourself, perhaps things are not so well in your family.
Good luck

Answer 9

Dear I don't think so that U hate your mother. U r little annoyed with her behavior. Its really good that U help your parents in weekend. U need to talk to her. Make her to listen your all feelings. Ask her why she say so to U. What type of your behavior of urs make her to say like this or there is any other problem abt which U don't know. I hope it will help.

Answer 10

YES,try sitting down and explaining how you really feel,Let her know you love her,But you don't seem to think she is showing you the Love a mother should.Also remember the commandment Honor thy Motherand Father!