I have a bad habit of doing things for people or feeling guilty for not trying to help. Unfortunatly this means that I haven't had a day to myself in 2 years. It's driving me mad because everytime I have a day off people ask me to run errands for them or look after their kids. I even had a friend asking me to cancel my plans yesterday so I could help him out and now I feel guilty for not doing it. So how can I be more assertive and say no?
2007-02-23 16:10:43 · 22 answers · asked by SR13 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
you don't have to say "no",just say sorry and explain why..they'll understand. they will appreciate you being honest with them..anyway,it's your life,you have the right to do whatever you want..
2007-02-23 17:17:47 · answer #1 · answered by Aya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's not easy, I know how you feel. It took my 30 years to say NO. You end up feeling used and abused and therefore you have to make the decision. As a start you can lie and say, sorry, have a dentist appointment, doctors appointment etc, and literally don't do it, if they say you can do it after wards, tell them, sorry not today. Once you've said that, Sorry, not today! it gets easier and then you stop making excuses, just say: Sorry not today. I tell you after the first two three times, it gets so easy and they actually get the message. And stop feeling guilty, you don't owe them anything. Practice in front of the mirror, no, no not today.
Trust me, eventually you can say it whenever you want to.
2007-02-23 16:25:50 · answer #2 · answered by Mightymo 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
people are turning to you because you seldom say no.They are not aware of it if you are so obliging but the are abusing your kindness.when you realise you are not the only one they can ask and you do start saying no.you will find they havent come unstuck and have got someone else to help.Saying no isnt a dismissal or a statement you dont care.they are asking IF you can and when you can say yes.not all the time though to your own disadvantage because they cannot see the harm.If they dont know its putting you out or you dont mind changing your plans.Say something like Id love to but already have plans maybe next time that's not a no that's a future yes in lew
2007-02-23 17:27:49 · answer #3 · answered by nendlin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend has the same problem she cant say no and when she does she feels guilty I would just say no sorry im busy maybe another time or i have some errands my self to run sorry but dont feel guilty your time is just as important as theres! GOOD LUCK!
2007-02-23 16:31:38 · answer #4 · answered by baby cake 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to just realize that your time is just as important as theirs and that while it's great that you are so giviong and willing to help - you need some time to yourself to do yuor own thing. Any "friend" who can't understand that is not a true friend. This may be an opportunity to weed out your true friends vs people who use you for what you can do for them. Try turning it around on them and asking for their help and see how they respond.
It's hard, but after a little practice you'll get the hang of it and your true friends will realize they can't take advantage anymore.
2007-02-23 16:17:11 · answer #5 · answered by Rae T 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you are being a doormat. If you can't say no tell people you are going away for a week and take the phone off the hook and don't answer the door. Have some time to yourself or better yet..book a holiday and get away. Don't take your phone and tell no one where.
2007-02-23 19:50:44 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my mom was just like you ...she couldn't seem to say no..and the more she done in the community the more was asked out of her.....it seem like she couldn't do enough and people couldn't ask enough.....until she died....at the funeral ..I really couldn't tell you how many people came up to me..and told me they didn't know how they would get along without her and how they had come to depend on her....well.....I will tell you how..after they came to me expecting me to take on the roll of do it all and I said no.....they learned to do things for themselves or they paid someone for the service ......my mom very rarely ask for help from anyone..and out of a great many people that was always asking.... only one was ever willing to help her......after she died I truly got to see who was her friends and who just used her....it was disgusting....there is nothing wrong with wanting to help others out but there is something wrong when it totally interferes with your life...it is your life...not theirs....you just tell these people when they come asking...no can't today...and don't feel guilty....you have nothing to feel guilty over...and you might want a test a few of these friends out..by asking for help..and see which ones are willing to drop everything they are doing and come to your aid...it might just surprised you.......
My mom used to say..there were two types of people in this world.."givers" and "takers"...my mom was a giver who was surrounded by nothing but takers....and they took without a thought of how hard something was,or how much time it would take to do..... or how tired my mom was or how much other work she had to do for herself.....all they figured on was that she would do it..and they would be out no cost...........
Take care of yourself....and don't feel guilty over saying NO......those that won't understand... isn't your friends... those that will ....they are the ones you will want around........
2007-02-23 16:58:11 · answer #7 · answered by LeftField360 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's simple you have to start saying NO. The reason why folk are all in demand of you is because they know you wont say no.
until you do start saying no then you will continue to have no free time
Dont feel guilty. you ARE entitled to time to yourself.
2007-02-25 03:21:55 · answer #8 · answered by laplandfan 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
by practising on your own or with someone close, remember you have a life too, and are you going to be a doormat forever? say out loud NO I AM NOT! dont feel guilty, it those that put on you that need to feel that way!
2007-02-25 09:02:27 · answer #9 · answered by chakra girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first time bites
second time you feel guiltier as you were preparing for it,
third time they lay on the emotional blackmail.
It does get better though, its like a game you gotta practice at.
when saying "no" dont say maybe or probably or later, say no and be firm but friendly.
It will feel different, but different isnt always wrong
2007-02-23 16:19:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The world would be a better place if more people had your( "Bad Habit") You are a caring ,loving,unselfless and responsible! GOD has a special place for you someday!!!
2007-02-23 16:21:32 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋