rape/ molesation problems?

Question

it happens to so many people...do why arent we more open about it? it would be so much easier for survivors if people talked about it as a regular thing, insted of keeping the topic hidden.

how long did it take you or some one you knwo to get past rape/molesation trama?

why do fathers, uncles, and grandfathers rape girls in their family?
i coudl understand mayeb if it was a stanger because you will never see them again, btu with a family member the event is unforgettable.

were they depressed after what happened to them?

and how did you/they get over all of it?

thank you.

Answer 1

Because people that are raped/molested are ashamed that they "let" it happen to them. The people that should be ashamed are the ones that do it to them. A friend of mine was molested by a family member for years and her parents didn't believe her. She became VERY depressed and over-ate to make herself feel better. She ended up with diabetes and almost dying before having weight loss surgery, and she had to have years of therapy, but still suffers with bouts of depression.

Answer 2

They don't talk about it due to the social stigma attached. So many people are coming out of the dark ages where so many people are affected, personally by it. Most people have a fear that the subject may turn in their directions. Humans like to lead but don't like the spot light.

I do agree that it would be easier for people to discuss things if there was less stigma attached. We need to educate people, from a young age, to understand what is acceptable. One of the issues we run into is "how young is TOO young?". This issues sits right beside sex education.

In high school I told my brother. 2 years ago, in rehab, I wrote the incident out in full. I'm now going into therapy for ALL my issues: ADHD, OCD & Trichotillomania, Addiction, Depression/anxiety disorders. Until last week i had only mentioned the topic in passing, mostly when in reference to helping someone else with a similar problem.

I would have to say I'm not passed it because I'm barely at the stage where i can face it for what it was.

My incedent was a one shot occurance. I don't remember knowing who it was that assaulted me. I was fortunate in thios regard as I did not have to face my violator on any form of regular basis.

There are 2 reasons this typically occurs within families. The first deals with repeating the cycle. It is a learned behaviour and therefore a learned response to the feelings and emotional attachments they have. The second is the possibility of the power play. They are recognized members of the family with a history. Not all have upstanding qualities, but they do have a history of how to play the "he said/she said" game. Besides it allows them times where the victim is accessible.

To my understanding its power and pleasure that play into it all.

Answer 3

You never "get over it" - ever.

Rape and molestation is not about sex - it is about power and control. The perpetrators often victimize family members because they are accessible and easier to control. It makes it even more difficult for the victim to come forward since they do not want to bring shame to or upset their families.

Most victims experience extreme depression and usually blame themselves for the abuse. It often takes years for a victim (especially if the abuse occured in childhood) to disclose what happened to them.

I was molested by my father from age 9 to 12. I didn't tell anyone until I was 15, and then he was arrested. I was able to move on with my life after a several years of therapy, but as I said before, you never "get over it" - it is a life-changing experience.

If you are being abused, call the police or go to the hospital NOW.

Answer 4

It is not discussed because it is considered Taboo. It is a socially unacceptable act and victims rarely feel comfortable discussing it especially after enduring it. I also believe that many victims are fearful to come forth or appreensive after telling only a few trusted people because the "act" itself is often to reprehensible and such an (ANATHEMA) that some victims are likely to be accusd of lying or altering the facts merely because the general public cannot bare to associate the thought of a family member violating another "loved one"..............

With that said...... I was molested as a child by my Uncle. I did not tell anyone until I was 12 (the year my Uncle died suddenly of a drug induced coma)........... Yet, I also have a twin sister who claimed that she was never touched. She felt outraged and accused me of telling stories for "Mom and Dad's" attention. That was so far from the truth - but even my parents doubted my words. However, my sister was very different from me. She would tell on someone for giving her a snotty look as a child. I think my Uncle KNEW better than to try stuff with her because she was a big cry baby all the time. He would never have gotten far with her......... I would say that I am over it. I have had so many other issues to deal with as I faced my future and realized (or at least tell myself) that my Uncle was a lovely hearted man who was not right in the head and also suffered from severe drug and alcohol addictions. I look at it as an unfortunate mistake that he made and a sad fact that he died tragically at only age 38 and having accomplished nothing much in his entire life..............

I believe Males in general are often the "offenders" for the first dac that (men) are not (mothers - unlike women). It is NOT "hardwired" in their nature to be nurtures as it is with women. Not to say that men cannot be nurturing, but I feel a woman is much less likely to have this tendancy as she had the child grow inside of her and birthed him/her.........

Males in general are wired differently sexually as well. When a man decides to do something this detestable, his urges superceed concience and humanity........ I ABSOLUTELY believe that victims are often related because sexual deviant behavior is 90% control and probably 10% physical pleasure. There is much more to be said about "control" when it is done to a family member. Someone who is suposed to be trusted over all others.

Either way, family or not - would not make the event of being violated any more or less unforgettable.

The recidavism rate for these types of crimes is almost always 100%. These people are deviants of society and being a family member makes it only more tabboo - which in turn - back to my first statement - is EXACTLY why victims are not likely to come forward.........

How I know I will be ok is that I have made a vow to myself to protect my future children much more than I was and I will always keep my eyes and ears open to make sure they never endure this. For me, that is enough comfort to know I will be ok.

Hope I answered your question.
Good question BTW!!!
Ciao'

Meg -

Answer 5

I think the victims aren't more open about it. I've only told my shrink and my husband. My family still doesn't know. My best friends still don't know. I always changed the subject when my shrink asked me about what exactly happened and when I couldn't avoid talking about it I changed shrinks. I'd rather not to think nor talk about what happened. The only reason that I talked about it here is that NO ONE KNOWS ME HERE and I think I'M SAFE.
I never got passed it. It gets me down sometimes. It happened to me when I was about 11 by a family friend. I used to stay at their house most of the time when my parents were away.
I wasn't depressed after it happened. I didn't even remember it until I got married and moved away.

Answer 6

I was raped 5 years ago, and I am NOT over it. The trauma leaves giant scars on my emotions and I still get panic attacks. I can not leave my rural community anymore! I was going to market for our store's buying, was just drinking coffee in the Marriott's coffee shop, when it became really crowded. A man, really a couple of decades younger than myself, was sitting next to me, and I was totally naive. He managed to slip a 'date rape drug' into my coffee, and I woke up having been raped! I was in what should have been a safe place, but, now, I am afraid to go out of town, at all. I've traveled Asia, and all, all over, before this happened.
As far as relatives who molest children, this is horrible, too. Been there. The relatives should really, really be turned in to the district attorney's office, ot to Victim's of Crime. Victim's of Crime will help each person who was attacked, get counseling, medicine, doctor help, for as long as they need it!
I do speak of my rape, because I want people to NOT be ashamed it happened to them. It is the worst thing, and it should be told. Tell it to the therapist, only, maybe, but, TELL it.......with the knowledge that YOU are the VICTIM!

Answer 7

My babysitter started raping me at the age of 8 until I was 12. I didn't tell anyone til I was 24. Before anyone tells me it was my fault it went on so long, let me explain. My parents told me to do what he told me, no questions asked. So when he told me to drop my pants so he could make me feel good, I did. He also told me not to tell anyone, so I didn't. I was severely depressed and I couldn't tell anyone why, until I went to counseling. My councilor taught me that I am not the only one that went through this. I'm still not quite over it, my councilor said I never will, the only thing I could do is accept it that it did happen, and talk about it when I feel comfortable talking about it. I still have flashbacks once in a while, and I have severe trust issues.

Answer 8

People wont forget short of braindamaged perhaps caused by binge drinking and heavy use of drugs until they are permafarked.

If it happens young it can be repressed.. the less you think of something the less it conciously surfaces, but something can trigger it. That is why counselling may be useful so that you can see the situation as objective, and if it does surface people can still function

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I'm not a victim of sexual abuse --- my only sentiment even approaching that is nocturnal emissions / wet dreams, that I have had, that are a totally undesired experience.. where I am helpless and dreaming, usually spurred by a mixture of sleep conditions and dreaming. I can only geuss that for people that have been raped or molested, in some cases it is an active struggle in others it is an unknown that causes them to have future social experiences that are akward. Brutal rape would probably be the most traumatic, and would likely harbour a lot of disgust, younger cases would likely be confusion and a feeling of sickness due to the socially abberant perversion taking advantage of the person so that they don't have the same sense of social comfort especially when in situations that are personal in nature. Well undoubtedly it would in context cause a non normative family structure to form.. in cases of public exposure the family unit would be broken, and I can imagine it might cause a split or divide..

sexuality is an odd subject because sociocultural beleifs loosely vary from culture to culture... what sexual acts actually mean and the context of them seems unspoken in society. At the least it should be understood that sexual acts are a mix of sacred and profane. I'm a virgin so I can't really say if there is some difference of experience it is just how I veiw the situation.

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As for why they do.. the easy answer is that they are sickos, possessed by a sexual demon.

the thing is incest and other 'taboo' things have occured historically, it has generally been frowned upon.. but in times of low population choice, or cultural traditions such as intermairrage in lines of power... the stuff has happened. It really is a matter of social beleif... part of the issue arises out of the role of the person child or rape victim.. first off children arn't sexually mature... so it is a purely psychological act... if for some reason someone is prone to pedaphillia I can only geuss it is due to some complex biochemical programming that is a cross contextual programming of an individuals stimulus response and thought process developed over time or caused by brain injury.

etc..
however that same programming could be normatively culturally programmed in a bizare culture that actively molests their children.. or rape as a common breading practice, rather than a more consensual practice.. like picture that cave man with the club draging a woman by her hair or what not.... rape has been around for a long time.. the reasons for it generally the person with the physical power desires sexual activity or the 'status of sex with the partner'.

I can't logically think of why someone would seek to have sexual relations with a minor, as it is quite base. even though physically it may register as a reward (as I think that the area is still stimulated, but sexual activity can carry negative sideeffects as well. I see pedaphillia as more of a social issue than a biological issue. why do parents hug or kiss their children... .. obviously a sexually related act or disgusting practice of anything involving anal can not be understood expect as a form of selfish lust.

Lust is the easy answer they are sickos.. but it really depends on the occurance.. but in north american society and elsewhere.. it is known to be a taboo act even if it is not overtly harming of the physical body, it is still harmful to the social body due to developmental concerns.

not only for the victim but psuedo sexual acts can lead to process programming and confusion in the offender.. thus the patterns that develope to more serious emotive-sexual occurances. Thus any sexually derived act even if non harming is still taboo as it presents developmental concerns jointly in relation. In part because sexual organs usually derive automatic sensed reward by activity.. they then serve as a mechanism for training behavior.

Answer 9

i have a cousin who was raped by some guy in california and it took her months to get over it but she handked it without getting high or drunk she handled it by coming to talk to me about her problem and how to over come it and i told her that the best thing she could do was go on with her life and see a shrink for at least three months and she did and it helped her become more storng and she's now married and has two kids....

Answer 10

I think its because the family members would trust the rapers.
Also, the family is close by, and rapists don't have to take the person to a deserted place or anything
They're desperate, and family members are a quick fix.

Note:I've never been raped or raped anyone