Do I have a right to be Jealous and Mad???

Question

My gf of 1 year has is just finishing the police academy. Well another cadet is hitting on her. He has written her 2 love letters, and even left a voicemail saying he had feeling for her (yes she showed me the letters and played me the message) She told him she was in a relationship and loved me, but he keeps it up, he now calls her boo and even called when we went away for the weekend knowing we were away. She says he is harmless and wants to be his friend b/c he's is the only person that was nice to her there and helped her. I just dont trust him, and now we keep having the same arguement and I tell her he's winning. She keeps telling me she comes home to me at the end of the day, heck he even drops her off here. But I just dont trust him. I just dont know what to do. Should i be mad and jealous??

Answer 1

If you make too big a deal out of this, then he WILL win, because your girlfriend will seek out someone who is less insecure and jealous (it could be him, or it could be someone else). Here's my question to you: why do you keep saying you don't trust HIM? Why is the question of trust referring to a man you hardly know rather than the woman you are dating? Trust must go both ways in a relationship, and your girlfriend trusted you by showing you the letters and his messages (if she were planning on or having an affair, do you think she'd want you to know all about it?). But if you can't trust her in this issue, then perhaps it's time to sit down and have a serious conversation with her instead of this little repetitive argument you describe. When you both have a free moment, say, "Hey, can I talk to you for a few minutes? I know we keep arguing about "James" and his behavior, but I want to really explain my feelings about it. I feel uncomfortable because..." and then explain. Talk it out---it's crucial that you be able to talk to your partner in a relationship. :-) This will show her that you really care about this issue, as well as the fact that you want to work it out.

Also consider the fact we women don't necessarily always fall for the men who are hopelessly in love with us. I've had several guy friends who liked me who I declined to like back. It is quite possible for a woman to have a platonic relationship with a guy without returning his romantic feelings, and it happens all the time. Your girlfriend says he's just a friend and that he's the only one who is nice to her: so let her have a friend! Unless you have a strong feeling that SHE'S being unfaithful, don't worry about it. Otherwise, just ask her to ask him to stop. It might be hard for her to say that because she doesn't want to lose him as a friend.

Good luck, and let us know how things turn out!

Answer 2

If you make it real ugly and stressful for her to be with you, she is going to seek solice somewhere else--keep that in mind. She does come home to you, she goes away for the weekend with you too, and she is going to need as many friends as she can get at work. Maybe get to know this guy a little better (you don't have to become best friends but showing an interest will impress your lady), if just to know what he's really like and what your "competition" is (know they enemy), and then make sure you are so supportive and "there" for your gf that she feels there could never be anyone else, not even the other guy, for her. Keep in mind that he has the advantage since they share the same kind of work and have that in common--but she may find coming home to you, away from the hard reality of police work, is the shelter and relief she needs to continue to do her job well and provide that haven at home for her. You don't need to trust him; you should be able to trust her.

Answer 3

I definantly would b jealous, but... If your girlfiend is loyal then you have nothing to worry about. But let me tell you, if you keep trying to blame her or make it that she is doing something wrong then she might view you as insecure. About the dropping her off thing, why can't she drive home or maybe you pick her up? I definantly would try to take her focus off of the subject. If all else fails you might want to answer the phone while he is leaving a "lovey" message and inform him(very nicely) that you and her are serious and that she is not interested. Of course only do this if you see the situation fit. I don't blame you one bit for being jealous, but what you also need to do is set up a special night for you and her, like a surprise, and make a night with just the two of you like an outing-women love that. But don't talk about the subject at all during the outing. Good luck!

Answer 4

Yeah..you do. Why does she let him call her and drop her off? That's wierd. I mean calling her boo? WTF? I don't think this is ok because if she was in your position she probably would feel as threatened as you do. I mean the guy obviously likes her and she lets him think that the way that he is acting is ok? Hell no. She shouldn't even be in contact with someone that is trying to "get at her." I mean if she respected you she would not do that. A lot of woman like attention from guys. However, this makes you feel wierd and uneasy she should stop it if she cares about your happiness. I would never do that to anyone I was with. There's just too many chances of something happening in the process...Find a girl to "be friends with" not some guy that likes you. Let her know that you are not cool with it and that it's affecting the relationship. Either you put up with it or dump her. Your choice.

Answer 5

It is ok to feel jealous. However, if you keep grilling your girlfriend about this guy you are going to send her right into his arms. A woman does not want to feel like their man does not trust them. She will eventually get tired of trying to convince you of her innocence and it will become a strain on your relationship. Trust her even if you do not trust him. She has been upfront and honest with you about the love notes and the message. Be happy that it is you she comes home to at the end of the day.

Answer 6

I feel that u should have no reason to be mad & jealous b-cuz like ur gf sed at the end of the day, she's comin home to u. Don't let this guy get to u b-cuz if he finds out that he has this much authority over yall's relationship, then he's goin to feel that he is gettin a closer shot by causin you & her to argue constantly. Now when it comes to him droppin her off at the house, then i don't think that should even b allowed!

Answer 7

Look at least she is being honest about everything and not hiding it. I understand why you are jealous and mad but like she said she comes home to you not him so you have to stop worrying because like you said he is winning becuase you are letting him intimidate you and ruin your relationship. I think you should not talk about that guy anymore otherwise the fighting wont end. If you care about your relationship a lot dont let him get in the way. Just let it go.

Answer 8

Of course you have every right to be mad and jealousy. Where there is no jealousy, there is no love, so to speak. You should explain to your gf how her friendship with the other guy is hurting you. Instead of the other guy dropping her at your place, why not go and pick her yourself? Continue assuring her everyday how much you love her and how much she means to you. Women are like children, they like small and 'silly' things. Do not be angry with her whenever you have this discussion. Good luck.

Answer 9

you have the right to get jealous but its YOU whom she choose thats the best part of it....You have to trust her, give her the confidence that no one will take her away from you....Avoid arguing with her, instead deal with the guy...Ask him what are his intentions and tell him that SHES YOUR GIRL and his presence does not threatens your relationship....TRUST is all you need...Even if there's a lot of guys who tries to steal your girl, if you knew that your love for each other is true, then there's nothing to worry about...

Answer 10

Hey guy don't be a dummy! Tell her to get it stopped or you're outta there. YOU ARE GETTING TAKEN RIGHT NOW BUD! Go out on Friday and Satuday to clubs, and things, and see what the hell she does about it!!!!!

This sounds like a Jerry Spinger thing!