My daughter in the past has been doing great on her own. My x and I helped her with $ as needed. Kept the baby as needed. I'm really worried about the baby. How will she deal w/being away from mom? She loves to come visit but I know she will miss her mom. What do I say to her? What do I do when she is missing mom and mom isn't around? So worried.....any advise helpful.
2007-02-23 15:01:42 · 13 answers · asked by rmamjm 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Tell both parent to sign complete rights of the child over to you. If she is serious then she would be willing to give up all her rights and doesnt need to be around the kid anyway.
If not she is just looking for a long term babysitter.
2007-02-23 15:11:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be very clear on the ground rules under which you'd take on this responsibility. For me? I'd insist on legal guardianship. I've seen folks who chose not to do this, and several years down the road, when the young child is settled and secure, in swoops the mom and takes the child away. No warning. No rights for the grandparent. So, make it legal, so she'll have to earn the right to take the child back. You see... this is not about your daughter. Not any more. this is about that little grandaughter. If you choose to raise her, then force her mother's hand... make her sign the little girl over to you.. and then raise her as your own. Let her know her mommy loved her and wanted her to be happy and well cared for, so she left her with you.
Two things NOT to do...
1. Don't let your daughter drop by for visits. That will be a constant, ongoing torture for that baby. To see her mother and not be able to live with her? That's like holding a glass of water up to a man dying of thirst and saying, "Sorry, you can just look at it. Doesn't it look good??"
2. Watch very carefully how you introduce your grandaughter to people. My former Mother-In-Law used to introduce my ex-husband's niece, saying, "This is my grandaughter. I'm raising her because my daughter abandoned her." It was like regular doses of salt being poured in the worst wound of her life.
Best of luck to you!
2007-02-23 19:38:45 · answer #2 · answered by Amy S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your daughter wants you to raise your granddaughter and you are willing to do it, then you should have her sign over custody to you in court. If you don't do that, you will not be able to make important educational and medical decisions for the child when the time comes -- only her birth parents will be able to do that. And what happens when your daughter someday realizes -- say in 4 or 5 years -- that she wants to be a mom and she comes and takes the little girl away from you? Is that what will be best for the child? No! She should be in a loving, stable home with someone who loves her unconditionally (as clearly your daughter is not capable of doing) and if that is upset, it could damage the child permanently.
Good luck to you.
Aloha :)
2007-02-23 15:11:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a perfect example why a unmarried 21 year old isn't mature enough or responsbile enough to have a child in the first place. Your daughter is irresponsible, unfocused, and selfish. If she isn't dying then she should be taking care of her own child, no matter what. No excusses, your grand daughter didn't ask to be brought into this world, and therefore she should have to suffer being without her mother and neglected to a certain extent. You need to look at your daughter as a mother and not as your child anymore she is 21!!!
2007-02-23 22:48:56 · answer #4 · answered by dr. madison 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My initial response was that your daughter made the choice to have unprotected sex, then she needs to deal with the consequences.
BUT THEN...
I realized that you should probably do what's in the best interest of the child. If her mom doesn't want to raise her daughter anymore than she might start to resent her own daughter. Then her daughter wouldn't be treated or raised the best.
So if you think it's in the best interest of your granddaughter I would do it but make sure to tell her that her mommy loves her and that you love her to. Try to make sure the mom is involved too. I don't really understand how a mom couldn't want their own kid??? Being a mom is the best gift in the world....
Good luck with whatever choice you decide to make.
2007-02-23 15:12:26 · answer #5 · answered by kerri_lynn01 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She curiously flourishes to be mistreated and desires to income some self admire and till she does then there's no longer something you're able to do yet sit down decrease back and enable her learn from her errors, if she ever does. Why did you enable her at 17 to this point a guy that lots older then she is? She replaced right into a minor on the time and you're able to have positioned a quit to it if my daughter had a boy 7 yrs older then her knockin on my door whilst she replaced into 17 i'd have ripped him a clean a**hollow earlier he would desire to boost his arm to knock in case you get my flow. And why the hell is she with him on a similar time as he's married?! She has to appreciate maximum married men won't circulate away their substantial different for their fling. She'll learn sooner or later provide her time fairly no longer something you're able to do applicable now considering the fact that she is an grownup.
2016-12-14 04:22:58 · answer #6 · answered by trip 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh wow...tough situation...
i would make it clear that she cannot choose to come in and out of her daughters life as she pleases. parenting isn't a part time job.
where does she plan on going? does she want to see her?
maybe they could both move in with you and you could co parent for a few months and see if that helps her out some. that way the child has time to adjust living full time at grandma's.
children are incredibly resislient. she will miss her mommy but if she has you she'll be okay.it is really sad though that she has to miss her mom when she is healthy and able to care for her. knowing you were just not wanted is going to be hard later in life.
how about helping your daughter work out a life plan. set some goals and what you can do to help her reach them. maybe she'll feel more positive. some counseling might help too.
becareful that you aren't enabling her.
good luck. SD
2007-02-23 17:19:03 · answer #7 · answered by SD 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, where is "mom" going?? You never mentioned why she wanted you to raise your granddaughter....
I'm sorry to come off as rude here but I think if your daughter was old enough to have sex, get pregnant, and keep the baby then it should be her responsibility to look after it, not yours. I see too many young girls with babies now who are barely adults themselves who love to party and so forth and think that if they just continue their life that their parents will naturally take on the responsibility of caring for their child. I know you love your daughter and you want the best for your granddaughter, but she needs to step up and do what she has to do in order to take care of her child and not depend on you to raise her child.
2007-02-23 15:10:00 · answer #8 · answered by jessicadiamond_4einc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your daughter is 21 not 14. She should be raising her daughter. If you really think it would be best to raise her she will adjust but do it on the agreement that her mum will call EVERY night. Why though does your daughter feel she has to leave her?
2007-02-23 20:09:58 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should tell your kid to move in with you that way you can keep an eye on both of them i know that there are a lot of reasons why you should do everything on both sides of the argument but when things get tough you have to pull together and not apart trust me what ever it takes this is the best course of action plus having everyone under one roof will help out both your daughter and ultimately your grand daughter babies need there moms get that threw her head and things will work themselves out
2007-02-23 15:17:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋