My step daughter is a really sweet and smart girl. She DOESN'T have ADD or ADHD- trust me. But her father and I have this problem with her taking FOREVER to eat, get ready in the morning, and do tasks around the house. She has no sense of urgency, even if we remind her that she's going to be late! The only thing that she is responsive to is when her dad yells at her like a drill sgt to get her butt in gear .
I'm not willing to compensate by waking up early or allowing for extra time to eat- I believe that she needs to learn how to quit being so slow. If she doesn't learn now (at age 9) I think it will just cause her more problems when she gets older. She'll just be one of those high schoolers who is always late to class and to work and will become an adult who is always slow and late.
We've tried taking her plate away after 30 minutes, embarassing her at school for being late, and asking her why she needs to be baby sat like a 3yr old. She just doesn't get it.What can I do
2007-02-23 14:14:52 · 13 answers · asked by Erin H 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
I know it sounds like I'm being harsh but my SD literally take 1h30m to eat some times. Most of the time, her food gets cold and then she doesn't want to eat it because it's cold. We don't let her have snacks after not finishing a decent meal and I also think it's important to eat a good breakfast before school. Another big problem we have is that she won't finish her lunch at school because she is so slow. This can't be good for her! She has two hours to get up, take a 30 minute shower, get dressed, and eat her breakfast and she still can't get done in time. Don't you think we need to draw the line somewhere? I know she gets the proper amount of sleep (not too much/not too little) and is on a regular schedule. She's almost 10 now- doesn't she need to learn to just get the job (in this case Meal/homework/get ready) done?
2007-02-23 16:03:56 · update #1
set up a rewards system if she finishes on time. find something she likes to do and tell her she can do it if she hurrys up and finishes. For instance in the morning if she likes cartoons tell her if she finishes getting dressed she can watch b4 school. I have to say that embarassing her at school can only have a negative affect on her personality I wouldnt do that again she will resent you for it. let her have desert after dinner if she finishes in 20 minutes or less. Things like that might encourage her
good luck and God bless
remeber Patients is a virtue it will take time for her to change
2007-02-23 14:24:29 · answer #1 · answered by Catie 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Ridiculing her will only cause problems in the long run. Unfortunately, kids move at their own pace. There is little you can do about it. My daughter is only 3 and even if it is her favorite food (chicken nuggets and french fries), she can take a hour or more. About all you can do is get up earlier so she can have a bit more time. Are you only giving her a set amount of time between getting out of bed and leaving for school?
2007-02-23 22:20:31 · answer #2 · answered by Ghost Writer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmmm....sounds rather harsh of you, "not willing to compensate or get up early" because you don't want her to have 'late' issues as she gets older. I think you are going to have to get creative on this one, and perhaps consider some sort of compromise, if compensating is out of your range of possibilities. Embarassing her and calling her a baby is HORRIBLE for her self-esteem. Who ever thought embarassing their own child was an effective teaching method is just cruel...you are going to have her grow up feeling unloved and unworthy...(Trust ME) There are much more effective ways to work with this, and if you aren't careful, she will begin to associate food (since that seems to be the real issue, eating slowly) with a host of emotional problems....NOT HEALTHY. Too bad you can't develop some compassion here and get creative. I would consider going to a doctor or counselor for some good, practical, POSITIVE ideas on how to handle this. Just remember, what you are doing isn't working, so as frustrated as you are getting, don't do more of the negative stuff.
2007-02-23 23:17:38 · answer #3 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I understand your concern, but please listen to me. I am 50 years old, and I have always been like your step-daughter. I cannot eat fast. I have to wake up slowly. I am on a different schedule--biologicly--than is prescribed by society. My family makes fun of me for eating so slowly, and I've learned to live with that. Also, I've learned to get up extra early in the morning to sit in quiet, have my breakfast, and get to work on time. People live on different schedules. We can learn to adapt, but not necessarily to other's requirements. My advice is to work WITH her, and NOT against her. I understand her completely.
2007-02-23 22:29:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
maybe??/ she ISNT HUNGRY. Why dont you force her into an eatting disorder at 9. Have you ever read a parenting book? Who are you to say- YOU the evil step mother has any clue on handling this situation and child correctly? Who are you mommy dearest? You and your husband sound like the biggest freaking a@##holes. Why have kids if you have no freaking idea what youre doing? Youre big on emotional abuse and that SUCKS. Embarrassing her at school? GIVE my that child! Youre too stupid to be around them! Get your *** up earlier and cater to this childs needs STEP MOM. Be the MOM. TRY some love and understanding and show this child some respect . Why should she eat if SHE doesnt feel like it? Ya power tripping Tyrant. Her dad picked YOU ..SHE DIDNT ..ever think it might be you? Miss warm and approachable ?
2007-02-24 05:06:53 · answer #5 · answered by Turtle Isle 6 · 3⤊ 3⤋
What is your problem?! People who usually eat fast end up fat, let her take her time. Why would her father yell at her for eating slow, are you two adults here? What problem is she going to have when she gets older? If she is not done eating when you leave for school, then let it go. If she is hungry she will eat faster. You need to get a calm down a bit, what a stupid thing to complain about, a slow eater- whatever.
2007-02-23 22:24:35 · answer #6 · answered by Rosie 4 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Is she having sleeping problems? If not give the child the time she needs.don't make her think, because she's a gentle child, that likes to enjoy life,instead of running around like chicken with head chopped off.I think you & hubby need to slow down& guit making the young child so nervous.She will really have problems in life if she thinks HURRY RUSH
2007-02-23 22:44:50 · answer #7 · answered by Linda 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Drill Sgt effect.
2007-02-23 22:20:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
don know
sounds like u need a valium
step back from the red button n nobody gets hurt
if she's gonna be late for school
then u better bring out the broom
n get takeoff clearance on runway 4
2007-02-23 22:20:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I have a friend like that and she is 27. It is just who she is and her life is just a slower pace than mine but that is what works for her. I think she will do what she needs to do when she has to but rite now she feels she is ok with the slower pace.
2007-02-23 22:29:57 · answer #10 · answered by ♥ Nikkee D ♥ 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋