Someone who I hold near and dear to my heart allows his children to call up their friends and ask their friends or friends' parents if they can sleep over.
Personally I think it's incredibly rude to invite oneself to sleep over, and I think it makes his kids look rude and may tag them as such to the other children and/or their parents.
I like these kids and don't want to see them labeled as rude.
So, opinions please. Do you think this is rude? Or is it socially acceptable?
2007-02-23 13:59:47 · 21 answers · asked by Your Highness 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Kids will be kids but parents should teach their children better. Sometimes kids get their heads together on things like this. One kid says to mom "Lacie asked me to sleep over, can I?" Lacie says to mom "Julie to sleep over, can she?" If things don't go that way they try it the other way. parents need to communicate with one another.
2007-02-23 14:16:18 · answer #1 · answered by babydoll 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a breach of etiquette. I'm not certain you could call it rude but it is bad manners.
The way to handle this is to reply, I'm sorry but you can't sleep/play over here tonight, we have other plans but we will be more than happy to INVITE you in the future to sleep/play over. If you say this enough they should get the hint. If the child is very young then I would say it to the parent.
When they have had time to mull it over, then DO invite the child and they will understand (hopefully) that this is a breach in protocol and discontinue to do it.
When I was growing up manners meant something and we were taught that even if you don't have money, you can still have manners. That's class and it seems that this attitude is getting lost a little in this high tech, run around, fast paced world.
One other thing my Mother always says when we do receive an invitation: "Don't wear out your welcome." In other words go home before the friend (or parents) get sick of you. Be appropriate.
2007-02-23 15:13:53 · answer #2 · answered by meretta1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children live what they learn and if the parent doesn't tell the child to wait for an invitation then the child will continue to invite themselves. When my children were young, I always had other kids over but I insisted they ask their mother first, then I would speak to the parent. Some children may find your home a better place to be for some reason you don't know. Others will find any way they can just to get out of the environment their in. Also, some children just want to be with your children because they know at your house, they have fun and enjoy the company. There are a lot of reason a child will invite himself. After speaking with their parents, welcome them in your home if it is convenient at that time. If it is not, tell them they will be welcome at another time. I don't think any child is rude to ask if they can sleep over. To me, there is always an underlying reason we just don't know about.
2007-02-23 14:23:13 · answer #3 · answered by Memere RN/BA 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a bit rude, but just make an excuse.
There is something to be said for what "U wish U had this" said. The kid just wants to visit cause he/she likes your kid. We don't have to think that things are rude just because traditionally they are rude. The tradition is often wrong.
Take please for example. I really don't think please is polite anymore. When people say please, it means you're kind of forced to do what they said or else you look like a jerk.
Not polite: "Could you help me with my math please?"
Polite: "Hey I was wondering if you're not too busy if you could help me a little on my math sometime. You don't have to if you don't want to."
Throwing in a please into the polite version so its "help me a little on my math sometime please"... in reality just makes it more forceful.
Often too please sounds very sarcastic. Could you PLEASE help me with this? --how is that polite?
So don't just use traditional values to gauge what is polite. Just say that your kid needs to get good sleep and that you don't approve of sleepovers. Tell them you want them to spend time together in some other way.
Bottom line is if people didn't invite themselves over sometimes I might not have as many friends as I do. To me the stage when you can invite yourself over shows that you are comfortable and casual friends, which I like. If they give me an excuse twice in a row, then I wait for them to call me first, just in case they are getting tired of me.
My best friend used to just show up at my house when he was in the area. It made me feel good to have unexpected company. Of course, if I were busy I would just say I'm busy and I can't spend time with them. Always say the truth if you can, but if not, making an excuse is polite. Its not lying. Its just like when someone asks if they are ugly, and even though they are ugly, you say that they are not.
2007-02-23 14:25:25 · answer #4 · answered by Steven 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is very rude. My son has a friend that does this to me every month, this boy is almost 18. He just comes to the door and asks me if he can spend the night. My mouth just drops open, and fortunately we usually have something to do.
I am not used to this because I was not brought up like that. If my father ever heard of me doing that I probably would have gotten my butt tanned and told how rude that was of me.
Man how times have changed.
2007-02-23 14:23:51 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is SO rude! It makes the parent feel like they have to say yes. My children know better, and when someone calls here and invites themself over, my kids say, "Mom, can you believe they did that?"
2007-02-23 15:03:20 · answer #6 · answered by bibliophile31 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes of course it's very rude and puts the other parents on the spot... but why do I have the feeling that this fellow is actually encouraging them to do this, perhaps to get free babysitting?
2007-02-26 20:21:01 · answer #7 · answered by endorable 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's rude, we asked our friends & our friends' parents regularly when I was in school. We did however ask to be allowed to sleep over both ways, not always me at a friend's place or they at mine; if it was always one way I guess it would've been rude. And usually my friend & me went to her or my parents together to ask. But I think I called up sometimes as well & they did too. Seems fine to me.
2007-02-23 14:29:29 · answer #8 · answered by Sheriam 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is almost as bad as someone inviting themselves to dinner at your house. You should call the parents and tell them that you have plans and when it allows in your schedule that you will let them know when they can come spend the night or come over to visit.
2007-02-23 16:49:54 · answer #9 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's rude and no parent should allow thier children to become comfortable with inviting themselves over to people's houses for any reason. What next? "Can I use your pool?"
2007-02-23 17:12:27 · answer #10 · answered by Lirrain 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋