My wedding is coming up in a week. My Dad's been married 4 times. We invited everyone (that includes exes who have all been my mom) and my Dad. We figured people could decide if they want to come or not.
Please take it from my dad's daughter. He is a whacked individual. He creates his own problems and then has blamed me for his failed marriages. My younger sis doesn't talk to him. My dad has gone to his side of the family telling them that if they attend the wedding, he will take it as a personal insult/attack on him. I wanted to do the right thing, which I thought was invite everyone and end this inheritance of hate his side of the family has gained from their ancestors and perpetuated.
I have never known my biological mother. She disappeared when I was an infant. Her family suspects foulplay on the part of my Dad and I would not be surprised if that were the case. So, naturally, I have tried to keep my moms.
Am I wrong to invite ex wives of my father's?
2007-02-23 13:00:16 · 7 answers · asked by mickeymouse 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
To respond to a few of you who have brought up a very good point: these women are good to me, continue to be good to me and without them in my life, I honestly do not think I would have turned into a person I could live with. I feel like we've experienced and survived my father together.
I am really surprised at the support I'm being given at inviting my step mums. I am one who loves all who love me, including my very ....messed father. To fulfill my father's demands and cut my 2nd mom when he made our relationship difficult and to do so now with the 3rd one would never, ever feel right. It wouldn't feel right to do so if all you had said that I shouldn't invite exes period. I would think: what has this world come to and does no one understand what it's like to accumulate a string of step mums who know what it's like to have a person like my dad in our lives?
2007-02-23 15:05:43 · update #1
Sweety, it is YOUR wedding! Do what makes YOU happy!
Clearly, the man doesn't care about you. And, um, clearly he has problems since he has so many failed marriages, yet the women are still close to you. That says something about them, as well. They care about you and neither they nor you deserve your dad's vindictive games!
You are NOT wrong! Invite who you darned well want and live your life.
My husband's father was a horrible, disgusting individual, who sounds a lot like your dad. The best thing my husband ever did for himself and for me and our daughter was break ties with him.
Have your wedding, invite your moms, and enjoy yourself! Let the horse's butt wallow in his own misery!
2007-02-23 13:11:25 · answer #1 · answered by ... 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's your wedding, and you have to do what will give you peace regarding these individuals. If it would upset you more to not invite them than it would upset you if your dad caused a scene if/when they showed up, then invite them. (Honestly, it sounds as if your dad might be the type that's going to cause a scene no matter who shows up, though.)
Obviously, it isn't your fault that your father's marriages have failed. If you still have relationships with these women, then invite them. If you haven't seen or talked to any of them in years, then it might seem a bit strange to be inviting them.
That being said, do what you want to do. It's your wedding.
2007-02-23 22:58:52 · answer #2 · answered by Amy M 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is your moment of happiness. When a man asks a woman for her hand in marriage that is a special moment for him; because, he is looking forward to making his future bride happy. Seeing her walk down the aisle towards him is a proud moment that men cherish. Please, DO invite your mothers and their male guests and let them sit where they please and are most comfortable. Have a stern talk with your father letting him know that you will not tolerate him nor anyone messing up your wedding, or else they will not be admitted to the ceremony or its gaiety. Confide in your sister and ask her to be civil toward your father and any other relative that might rub her the wrong way. Let her know that you will do the same for her on her most precious day. With all of this drama going through your head how are you able to concentrate on your soon-to-be husband? You are much too young to be so stressed out. But, you yourself are causing yourself a lot of this stress by not nipping things in the bud when they happen. Now that you are grown up you can be more assertive and make the decisions as to whom you will have in your life. And stop putting unpleasantries off until the last minute. You are coming to that young man with a lot of mental baggage. You do realize that don't you. You have probably already unloaded it off on him. He is marrying you and with time he will get to know your family further. But for now, I PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND WIFE!
2007-02-23 22:19:28 · answer #3 · answered by DARMADAKO 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, congrats. of your upcoming nuptial! I echo a lot of what the people are saying here. If you are close to your previous step-moms and it would make you happy to see them at your wedding, then no - you didn't do anything wrong.
2007-02-23 22:30:02 · answer #4 · answered by erinlovestv 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is lovely! Your relationships with your stepmom's are totally separate than theirs with your dad.....bask in the love of so many, and just feel lucky about it!
2007-02-23 22:22:13 · answer #5 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have invited htem beause you are still close to them all then no, you have not done anything wrong. If you have invited them to make your dad upset, then you shouldn't have.
2007-02-23 22:01:15 · answer #6 · answered by Dawnita 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It would depend on the reason you are inviting them. If it is because they are special to you, it is okay. If you are doing it for sadistic reasons, it is not the right thing to do.
2007-02-23 21:08:41 · answer #7 · answered by James C 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋