Question for adoptive parents of younger children?

Question

My wife and I plan on adopting our first child a few years down the road from China. The conditions in the the orphanages are awful, and though the opportunity to be a great father for the rest of my life is priceless, the process is very economical and babies are available. We will probably have one or two children naturally after the adoption.

My intentions are to give all my love to our adopted daughter, and treat her no different than as if she was my own, but as adopted children grow older and realize where they came from, is it hard to keep a parental bond with them? I would love the opportunity to be a loving father figure for this child for the rest of my life. Is there anything I can do to help our future daughter feel like she has a permanent place in our family?

Which part truth? Saving a child from horrible conditions or loving them as my own?

Answer 1

I am an American. I have lived and worked in China for about 7 years. We had 2 biological sons when we came here. And then adopted a daughter here 5 years ago.

If you are any type of paretn at al, the equal treatment is not a problem.

The bonding and keeping that bond will be tough no matter if the child is biological or adopted. Children will all test us that way. It depends on the child, the personilty they have, you have, the experiences life brings your way. You just have to do the best you can with that.

Dealing with people outside of the family is a challenge. Living here I get mixed reactions. Some people tell me what a kind thing I have done and that I must love China and she is teh luckiest girl in China. Others have a bit of resentment and feel that only Chinese can raise a Chinese child. Don't let that bother you. And do your best to prepare the child. The world is tough and cruel place at times. No one can change that or protect her from that forever. She just needs to know that she is prized and loved by your family, and nothing and no one will ever change that. How you create that security is somethign you will manage.

Our daughter is about 5 and half now. She is asking questions like why she has black hair and why the rest of us have blonde hair. Most recently she is trying to get straight how it is her brothers came out of mommy's tummy, but she didn't... Recently some smart *** kid at her school said she wasn't really our child.....I have never felt prouder than when her older brothers told me that they told that kid he was wrong. she absolutely is their sister and told their sister to ignore him, he was rude and just trying to make her cry.

There are books you can read. "A mommy for CoCo" is a good one.

Summary: No one can tell you how to do what you are asking. You will just have to do it.

Answer 2

My late wife and I adopted two boys from an agency in Manchester, NH One in 1974 and one in 1978. They were both about three months old at the time when we recieved them . It was easier back then to adopt. Little cost and your income really didn't matter. We all naturally bonded as a family. They were never decieved about being adopted and we would talk about it whenever they wished. Having these two boys around was such a blessing and some of the happiest times of my life

So my two boys are now age 30 and 26. One is an illustrator and graphic artist for a text book company. He loves it. The other runs a construction company office in side of San Francisco

All you can do is provide all that they need to develop, to be secure and comftorable in their journey.

However adopted children do come into this world with their own agendas, talents, interests etc. All we can do as parents is to provide love, security, education, lots of fun and a roof over their heads. We do our best to providre this positive environment.

It isn't hard to love them. However we can only do our best. They come into the world with their own personalities and propensities. We try to shape them and send them on the right paths of life for their own good. That is the best we can do.

My first son was obviously an artist cuz he was drawing at an early from three on. He got a fine arts degree from Rochester Instute. My younger son wasn't as steady, went through a lot of rebellion in his teeage years but did well in private HS. I always knew he would end up in prison or become a very successfull person. Luckily the latter was the path he chose.

All I can say is that you are very lucky. Your job as a parent is to give the child love, food, play, education assistance in everything.
Encouragement, and praise. But how the children develop and their enate personality thrives you can only guide notshape.

Guess what I am trying to say is love them, educate them encourage them, bring out their talents..................but thats all you can do. They have their own agenda too. They might hurt you. More than likely they will love you and look to you as a mentor.

All I know is that I have two best friends that I have ever had. We all support each other. Who knows what these little babies turn into.

Answer 3

I have two adopted children and my best advise to you would be to have them associate the word "adopted" with the word "loved". That will set the groundwork for the security she will need in the future.
One of my boys asked (at age 4) why some of his friends were born(ed) and he was adopted? I just explained that there are many ways to make a family and we adopted our great kids.
Good luck with your family-to-be.

Answer 4

I am adopted and I just want you to know this....My adoptive mom is my MAMA my adoptive dad is my DADDY.They are my parents no one else is.Your child will feel the same.I wish you both the best of luck,and just know you are doing a wonderful thing!

Answer 5

Your thinking on this matter is screwed up. I don't think you should adopt a child as long as you feel like you do.