3rd time, he has come to stay with us during winter. He has no home, no car, no real job, no money, no nothing.He dresses like a bum and looks like Jesus. He drives me nuts talking and preaching all the time. Never to shut up. He is a carpenter, go figure, and could really be big help and also pay back all the money we have loaned him, $750 since Dec He says I have issues that need attending. He is here to help us. Not physically but otherwise. He follows me arround talking all the time. He is either depressed or excited about life.He knows it all. lately I have been racting badly and I say some pretty rude mean nasty hateful things back to him but even tho he instigates it I am the bad one.he calls me names and I am a bad mom. "His intentions are good mine is evil" I am really beginning to hate and dispise him and this makes me feel quilty and sad. He is my Son.I am usually such a happy person but . How bad am I to kick my own son out when he has no money and nothing?
2007-02-23 11:54:46 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sorry but he needs to see a doctor. Something isn't right with him.
2007-02-23 11:58:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The part about he looks like Jesus and is a carpenter is irrelivant. Anyway, how is he gonna learn how to be a man if you keep taking him in and Giving him money. You really can't call him a bum, because you are enabling him. You should give him enough money, kiss him on the forehead and tell him to go find himself. Not only is he a winter time mooch, he is also direspectful. It sounds like he's got some real issues. I understand you really don't hate your son, you hate his ways. If you hated your son, then he would be out in the cold with no concern of yours. Tell him since you have issues and he's there to help you, then give back the money and go find a home of his own. Make him see his short comings. When he call names and tell you what he thinks of you, then Calmly show him that you have a home, a job, a car, neat clothes and is well groomed. Tell him to look in the mirror and tell you what do he see, pull all the money out of his pockets and put it on the table, ask ... where is your job, where is your feet planted right now and every winter? Tell him you have a few requests of him (1) take a good long bath, (2) eat a hearty meal, (3) watch one T.V show, (4) pack his bags and leave your house and try to help himself. Tell him that you love him,but you will not put up with a foul mouth disrespectful child in your home and while taking care of him. Tell him you exspect your money paid in full or else you will take him to court to get it. Put your foot down, before he will have his up your butt. Do not let him intimidate you. Good luck
2007-03-02 19:28:55 · answer #2 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 22yrs old (female) and I just want to know why you let him back in? You are contributing to the problem! Don't feel bad that he has no care no job no house no money! Its his own damn fault! If he was a real man he would get off his lazy *** and go to work and be successful. I'm sure this man has a lot of potential......What a waste! My advice....Don't give him anything anymore cut his *** off no more money no more room and board no more food nothing! Is he paying you rent? is he pitching in on bills and what not? You don't have to be upset just eliminate the problem help him hit bottom so that he will wake up and recognize that he needs to stop preaching to everyone else and take care of his own ****! He will never brake the cycle nor grow up to be the man he needs to be if there is always a hand out waiting for his lame excuses!!!!
2007-03-03 08:18:11 · answer #3 · answered by Cymanthia A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry I don't agree with most of the others. First of all, I would never, no matter what refer to my son as a "bum son"...if you are telling the world that...it's no wonder he is off kilter. He's only there for 2 months, show a little love and patience and maybe he will do the same. I'm not saying this to get anyone mad, or to say you are a bad Mom...I just honestly believe that no matter how old your kids are, if they have problems then the door should be open. Love and patience works better than harsh words and kicking someone to the curb.
2007-02-24 00:20:28 · answer #4 · answered by sassy_395 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The blogbaba has a 19 year old son, and I swear if the kid worked for me I would fire him. At 29 you should have no problem demanding rent and utilities as well as his share of the grocery bill from the man. If he refuses, show him the door. You have long since filled any parental obligations, and are currently being used as a meal ticket by a con man. You have to do what is in your best interests, he needs to pull his weight or leave your home.
2007-03-03 00:18:41 · answer #5 · answered by blogbaba 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son sounds like a bully and you're his victim. You are the parent! Now, do what is best for him and force him to become independent and let him know he has 3-4 weeks to find a job and move out. His full time job right now should be finding a job. Then he needs to find someone who will rent him a room and become an adult. This is for him to do---don't do it for him. He has to be responsible for himself. You teach people how to treat you. Teach him you won't allow him to move into your home and treat you badly. He should be respectful to his mother. It's hard to be tough with our children, but it's really for his own good. He can't continue to come back to Mom's house everytime things don't work out. He has to figure life out on his own now. He's 29! You can do it. Be assertive and strong. You don't have to yell or argue. State the facts--"Son, you have to be an adult now, get a job and move out. I love you very much and want the best for you and I feel this is for the best. Be a man, get a job and take responsibility for your life." You're a caring mother, but you've let your caring get in the way of good parenting. Take charge! Good Luck!
2007-02-23 20:53:47 · answer #6 · answered by Kimmi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not a bad mother by kicking your own son out of the house. Well if he's a carpenter tell him to give you your money he owes you and to start looking for somewhere else to live. Do take him back anymore because he's not learning anything by you letting him live with you any time he wants too. Be happy. Live your own life and tell him you love him, but you'll love him more if he shaves, cleans up, dresses better, finds himself a girlfriend and gets married. If he has a job, he has money. Tell him to move in with some of his friends and if he says he has no job then tell him to start looking for one.
2007-02-23 20:08:51 · answer #7 · answered by shy_gal2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of corse you love your son, regardless if he is employed or not, he is YOUR SON!! But..lets get to the facts here. Listen..honestly he is 29 years old, and its time that he grows up and start supporting himself! I don't know what kind of life he had with you as a child, that he is giving you a guilt trip, but that is over, and he cannot hold it over your head anymore. He is in control of his own destiny from now. And if you keep rescuing him every time he falls, how is he gonna learn to pick up his own weight? You think you are helping him, but you are making him worse and your crippling you son from growing. Do you seriously want him living with you till he is 40? Cause it will happen, if you don't put your foot down. Its gonna take tough love, you need to give him an ultimatum. Think of how much more time you will keep him at your home, and then tell him, by then he is gonna have to leave. Why isn't he leaving, because your making it too confertable over there to leave. Everything is free! Also, of corse he is depressed and then happy, and going through all the mood swings, he is probley depressed too that his life at almost 30 years old hasn't amount to nothing. But remember here, HE made these choices, he created who he is now and where he is at now. You son is a grown man, you need to think about your happiness too, it isn't fair what he is doing not just to himself, but to his mother. Well..good luck..
2007-02-23 20:13:42 · answer #8 · answered by RAW AND GRIM \,,/ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your a good Mom. This shows by your concern and want of advice. It would be hard for me in your shoes as well. I would recommend a dose of "tough love" wrapped up in an ultimatum. Give him a time limit to find a job. If he accomplishes that, help him to work out a budget. As long as he shows progress and sincere effort, than work with him. If not, bye-bye and good luck!!
Here you are putting the responsibility back on him where it belongs. He's a big boy and needs to start acting like it. Your his mother, not his "bail out" and personal bank account. He needs to respect that.
Even if it comes to the worst case, if he doesn't respect you for it today, he will in time. You will probably be doing him the best favor he never asked for.
Good luck, and don't blame yourself. You obviously have a good heart and want to help anyone who needs it, especially your son. Just don't let him take advantage. Love comes in many forms, and it doesn't have to be monetary.
2007-02-23 20:09:38 · answer #9 · answered by jessnbethsmom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your Son, needs to be seen by a doctor, because as you describe the way he is with you, is the way a schizophrenic might behave. I have a nephew who has that disease and he usually is very mean to his Mom, never to the rest of the Family. You have to accept that the way he is behaving is not normal, and if you as his Mom that brought him into the World does not care who will? If he is sick, then he is not blamed for his actions, but I hope that I am wrong, because when they have this sickness, they get worse not better, so, if I were you I would ask around for help with your Son.
2007-03-01 23:36:54 · answer #10 · answered by a.vasquez7413@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because like my mother with my younger brother you are an ENABLER! You ENABLE your son of 29 to move back in, loan him money, and be a bum! The ONLY thing that worked with my brother is when my mother soured the milk by not doing his laundry, not buying him clothes, not cooking him meals, and not giving him room service! She told him (after taking my advice) that he had 30 days to figure out where else to live. This after living with her rent free for nearly 6 months! 45 days later he finally moved out, but only after she grew a spine and drew a line. You need to do the same thing. If you love your son you'll force him to act like a man. Because all you're doing now is ENABLING a smart-asss son who clearly doesn't appreciate the free ride you're giving him!!! Email me if you'd like to hear more!
2007-02-23 20:03:34 · answer #11 · answered by ? 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋