problem teenager?

Question

my daughter is fifteen and tonight she was picked up by the guards for being drunk and disorderly what the hell am I supposed to do. Ihave two older girls 20 and 24 and never had a problem where did I go wrong.

Answer 1

Take it you live in Ireland? First of all don't fault yourself, many of us have been there and sorry to say at 15 they just don't listen. Not the greatest of advice but PLEASE let he guards dish out the punishment as it may teach her a lesson in the long run. It's better a small blemish on her character now that a pure black mark in the years to come. Take care and wishing you all will go well

Answer 2

What you are supposed to do is stop your {!&*%(#> and get yourself together and be the mother that you are supposed to be to that child. Start by cleaning house. Throw out your cigarettes and the beer cans and the whiskey bottles and start dressing a little bit more appropriate. Oh and by the way, stop cursing. And as long as those miss goody two-shoes are under your roof, tell them that they will not be treating it like a way-station or a motel, but that they will come in at night at a decent hour every night. You are going to go to work every day even if it kills you. You are going to help her with her homework and plan events together for the two of you to enjoy. I bet this child doesn't even have the same father as the other two, and he probably doesn't even live there either. You and the Cinderella sisters have been treating her like a stepchild and it has to stop. Take a look around you at the neighborhood that you live in. What kind of school are you sending your child to? She didn't just wake up today and start behaving this way. You should have been questioning yourself long before now. But it isn't too late. Neither for you nor for her or her darling sisters. Sit everyone down and have a roundtable discussion. And don't you be so bossy. You just listen and pay more attention. Especially, to what your baby is saying. Go for walks with your child and let her know your concern for her safety and well-being. And as for your other children, I hope that they are in college getting all A's. Also make them aware that their friends behaviour can have an adverse affect on your daughter. Don't untie the apron strings on them either, they probably need a little bit of that motherly love too. There is still hope for you yet, mother.

Answer 3

Try family counseling. Obviously your daughter has some issues that need to be resolved. Maybe you do too. Each child is different and there is no way to find out "what you did wrong" unless you abused or neglected her. Focus more on "where do we go from here". Also, realize that she is only 15 and not an adult yet. Your job is not finished yet. You still have much to teach her.

Be happy that she is making mistakes now while you are still able to help her clean them up. In a few years she will legally be an adult and what she does then will be permanently recorded. Consider this a failed exam and start working on a remedial curriculum. Include your daughter in the lesson planning.

Answer 4

Well, Eileen. If you solve this one, you will have won the lottery. We have 5 children (3 of them are my step-kids, thus Momof2) All but one of my stepchildren are very motivated and self-disciplined...not that they never did anything wrong, but they didn't get out of hand. Seems some kids have an internal barometer. They can tell when doing one small thing is different than doing something that will have terrible consequences. Such as my step-daughter. She just seems to lack the common sense that I thought we helped to foster. Guess there's only so much influence we can have. Just hang in there, and try to be a supportive parent without excusing the bad behavior.

Answer 5

Don't blow it out of proportion for a start. I had my first drink with my friends in my early teens but I wasn't a crazy out of control teen, I didn't turn into an alcoholic - nowadays I drink only in moderation. If you look at the vast majority of teens they will have had a drink before they are 18 and because it's new to them it's not surprising they overdo it because they don't know their limits.

You must have got a shock that she was arrested but hopefully that in itself would have been a frightening enough experience to put her off. Huge rows will only make her rebel and won't necesarily stop her drinking...if she continues, at least make sure you broach the important issues - if you insist on drinking don't EVER leave it unattended, get a good meal in you and drink plenty water, make sure you have a friend with you when you're out so you can look out for each other / get home safely, send a text to say you're ok if you're out late.

Finally, don't say to her what you said above - that you never had any problems with her sisters. If this is true, it must be incredibly frustrating when your'e other two have obviously turned out well - but have you considered that, as the youngest child, she maybe feels pressured to meet the high standards they set? If she feel like she is being compared this in itself could be the root of rebellious, attention-seeking behaviour.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending her completely and she needs a stern word about how unhappy you are, but make sure she knows it's only because you care about her.

Answer 6

Your not giving us a lot of information to back up on. What is your relationship like with your daughter or your daughter and her father? Most teenagers get drunk because of peer pressure or problems at home. You and your daughter need to go to counsling together. This is a serious situation, and I wouldn't recommend taking the advice from strangers on the internet all that seriously, including mine. But I do say that you listen to this and heed this: Get a professional to examie the situation more thoroughly. Chances are it's not just a problem with your daughter, it's roots stem down deeper.

Answer 7

Chances are you were too lenient on this child. After raising two older girls, you may have assumed that this one would be ok too.

The best thing to do is talk to your kid and find out what the prob is. She could be crying out for attention, hanging out with bad kids, that kind of thing.

You have to remember that times change - even only 5 years. Kids today are faced with alot of opportunities to mess up.

Since obviously you can't trust her anymore, I would suggest following her around. Check in on her when shes out. Show up at her friend's house where she is unexpectedly - basically stalk her. She'll get the hint. It will take the temptation away to misbehave as well and not make her "feel uncool". She can blame you for her not participating in bad stuff. Yes, it would be hard, but it will keep your kid from doing this again..

Good luck

Answer 8

You havent gone wrong. She may have got in with the wrong crowd and is picking up bad habits from them ie drinkin.
You should sit her down when your both calm and talk to her about it ask her why she is behaving like that, listen to her intently, make direct eye contact ,dont get mad or stressed out when she replies, then tell her how much you love her and you only want the best for her. Try and compromise about the time she comes home at and where she is hanging around, don't tell her she can't go out are she is likely to rebel against you.
I hope this helps

Answer 9

Whoaaaa !
People suggesting counselling I'm sorry but what ?
For all we know it's the first time she has drunk.
She's a teenager, they experiment.
Just explain to her that you don't want her doing it and if she does it again then she will be really punished. Also leniently punish her this time.
Do not at any point say about her sisters not giving you trouble because it can cause sibling rivalry and also she will feel you like her sisters more.
Just ask her why she was drinking and if there is a problem.

Answer 10

It isn't always anything you have done or not done. The things that kids are exposed to and have access to these days is scary. Maybe she needs to spend a night in jail or in detox and think about the things she is doing? Be as involved as you can with her, even if she doesn't want you to be. She may not like it now, but she will thank you later when she gets her $hit together and realizes that what she is doing is not a good path to be going down.

My boyfriend is in Juvenile corrections and works at a High School. He sees this stuff all the time and comes home and tells me about some of the things that these kids are doing now. If I could say one thing to you it would be to stay involved, be nosey, get in her business if you have too. Parents that throw their hands in the air and say "I can't do anything with this kid" and give up, are the ones who are going to end up with children who continue to get in trouble. Remember, negative attention is better than no attention at all!! Maybe she is just trying to get your attention?