im getting married soon and when i was dating my boyfriend he was in a frat and had a roomate who i love. once in a while if his roomate was sleeping, we would mess around, but very causciously... after about a year, his roomate tells us that he wasnt sleeping all the time, i was mortified! he promised to keep it a secret but made a joke that he will toast us at our wedding and mention this. i begged him not to say anything and he promised he wouldnt, but once at a party he got pretty drunk and told some of our friends, im afaird that if he gets drunk at our wedding, it might slip and i would die if anyone in my family or my boyfriends family would ever ever find this out.... would it be wrong of me to forbid him to make any toasts at my wedding?
2007-02-23 11:08:58 · 27 answers · asked by bar22bie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
my fiance does know that his friend wasnt sleeping.... i just dont want my family to ever find out.. they had a hard enough time dealing with me sleeping over at the frat wen my boyfriend had a roomate, if they found this out, i dont know what they would think of me
2007-02-23 11:28:44 · update #1
the bad thing is that we did it in front of someone else. i felt betrayed by the friend because if he wasnt sleeping he should have said something and not just lay there in silence... my family is very traditional and had a very hard time dealing with my premarital sex life.. knowing this would cause major problems in my family. they would loose all respect for me and so forth. this is a big deal to me because im not a person who has sex in front of others. things happened and it wasnt a daily thing, i just dont see why my mistakes need to be spread to my entire family!!!
2007-02-23 11:32:29 · update #2
No, it's not rude at all...it's YOUR wedding! It's YOUR day....or, you can always have him give a toast first thing at the reception and forbid the bartender to serve him until he is done.....If he's going to mention it, though, don't you think he would do it drunk even NOT giving a toast?
2007-02-23 11:13:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you afraid that people find out you guys had been intimate before marriage? Or that you did it in a frat house? Or that you did it in front of the roommate? What part of it is so terrible? I fail to see anything awful with it at all. You can't "forbid" someone to make a toast. You can ask them to keep their mouth shut, but if they really want to, they can still say things - you have no control over it. What you CAN do, however, is grow up and stop being so obsessed about what other people think about you. You didn't do anything wrong, and that's all that matters. If you can't stand up for yourself and say - "so what?" to such an innocent thing, perhaps you need to mature a little before committing to marriage. Don't let small things bother you; good luck and congrats.
2007-02-23 19:29:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whether it would be right or wrong is immaterial, even if he doesn't make an embarassing toast, the guy is going to talk.
Deal with it maturely. You and your husband did what you did. It's past. You're getting married now.
If there is anyone who will be at your wedding who will be upset if the boyfriend starts talking, tell them up front. Don't explain, don't apologize. Just "[name of groom] and I did some making out in his room when we thought [name of roommate] was asleep, but he wasn't asleep, and now he's trying to embarass us. I'm sorry if hearing this upsets you, but I thought you needed to hear it from me first."
That ought to take the wind out of not-sleeping-boy's sails.
It never pays to run or try to hide from things that are embarassing or painful to deal with. Get it out in the open and get it over with. I guarantee you that after you and your boyfriend have been a happily married couple for years, no one will care what kind of messing around you did (and who knew about it or saw you) before you were married.
Good luck.
2007-02-23 19:32:43 · answer #3 · answered by Karin C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well its your wedding so its your decision but why don't you try talking to him and telling him the situation and let him toast before too much drinking goes on. If he is really a friend though he should understand=we all make mistakes but I think its time to grow up huh.
2007-02-23 20:45:01 · answer #4 · answered by ♥fungirl♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can select who makes toast at your wedding. Let the DJ who whoever else know that only so & so can give toast. Of course you could talk to him about it, even if you're worried about him drinking & spilling the beans. If you're still worried after talking to him, if it's that scary for you, you could just not serve drinks. Just serve a couple classes of wine or something to toast with.
2007-02-23 19:16:08 · answer #5 · answered by layla983 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you and your man need to talk with each other about this one. Since they were roommates in college, it really is up to your man to tell the guy not to mention it to anyone at the wedding/reception. I would have you ask your man to not let this guy give any toasts, and/or not serve any alcohol at the reception. I wish you the best. Take care.
2007-02-23 20:13:19 · answer #6 · answered by SAK 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only people who are to make toasts is those you and your fiance ask (typically the maid of honor and best man). If he wasn't asked to do a toast, I wouldn't worry about. Just let your fiance know your concerns so he and his other attendants can keep an eye on hi, om case he goes for the mic.
2007-02-23 19:15:38 · answer #7 · answered by Veronica W 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I just think u should tell him not to go because weather he does the toast or not he might just end up saying it. Or if u tell him not to attend ur wedding he might also just arrive. hmmm there is alot to think of.. But dont let him ruin ur big day.
2007-02-23 19:41:37 · answer #8 · answered by Beba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think it's rude. I call that preventive measures. However, I think a better and more feasible way is to forbid him to drink! You and your fiance need to double team him and make him promise that he can't drink that night. I'd enlist the help from another friend to make sure he keep his words that day. Congrats!!
2007-02-23 22:52:49 · answer #9 · answered by erinlovestv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it would be wrong to prevent him from toasting you at your marriage. It is your day. If you can, talk to him privately before the wedding and make him understand how embarrassed you would be. If he is your friend he will understand and be serious about it.
2007-02-23 19:56:17 · answer #10 · answered by wendygirl1000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋