future mom in law making things impossible?

Question

my fiance and i told his mom that we're moving to another state in a few months because its too expensive where we live. well now, she wont even talk to us or be near us because of it. he talked to her yesterday and she told him that shes being like that because if she starts to distance herself now, it will be easier when we move. but its making us not ever want to see her, including at the wedding. we have enough stress with work, the wedding, and moving that we dont need her crap. my shower is coming up and i dont want her there. is that ok to not invite her since she's being ths way. we are also thinking of canceling the wedding and going to city hall so she doesnt have to be there. its not fair to us...but we feel that shes puching us to do this. also...how do you talk to this woman when shes making things impossible?

Answer 1

I am going through the exact same thing! My fiance and I moved to another state for jobs and my future mother in law refuses to speak to us because of it. She was not always the most involved mother but since we moved she wont even answer her son's phone calls.

So here is what I told my fiance and I hope it works for you too. Let her go on not speaking to you. She is only hurting herself. If you absolutely can't go on like that then tell her that she needs to consider what will happen come shower and wedding time. If she cant talk to you then she cant be involved. And if she doesnt want to be involved in those important moments in your lives then she will miss out on the lives of her future grandchildren.

Do not let this affect you or your fiance. Live your lives. MOVE! It's good for you to get away and live your lives the way you want. Let her decide what she wants to do, and if she dicided to continue with the childish punishments be there for your man, because he will probably need it.

GOOD LUCK!! BE STRONG!! And have a great wedding!

Answer 2

I think you and your future mate should sit down and tell his mom that you are looking forward to a long life together. You both would like for her to be there for the beginning at the ceremony and share the joy during the shower. Also, let her know the reason you are moving is not about her or because of her. It is a decision you both have made to be the first important decision you are making as a newlywed couple.Giving to much attention to her reaction can make it worse, going on about your plans with the joy you feel can overcome the cloud she can impose IF you let her...express feelings without the drama and without taking her insecurities personally. Or you could save the money and do the Justice of the Peace..that is what we did 26 years ago.. Just be who you are and assure her everything will be fine..simply because that is what you choose. You will learn from each other what works and what doesn't as a married couple as you grow together...best wishes on your journey..

Answer 3

You do what you need to do,don't worry about her,it's too bad that she's acting this way. Invite her to the shower and the wedding then she won't have anyone to blame but herself if she chooses not to go or have an excuse for not reconciling,she is your mil after all.I congratulate you on your wedding and I think you guys are doing the right thing by moving away from family because even though you miss them there is no interfering ,it forces you and your husband to rely on each other which strengthens your marriage.

Answer 4

sounds like monster in law syndrome. Kill her with kindness if she is really doing this spite you than it will heap hot coals on her head if you just love on her. But be careful not to be caddy when doing it, let your frustrations go and just be nice to her. Don't cancel your wedding you will always regret it, it's YOUR day don't let anyone ruin it. Get all three of you together and talk out your feelings, give her a role in part of the wedding planning even to make her feel more involved, tell her that just because you are moving does not make you any less of family. Hope everything works out!

Answer 5

I had a couple of friends who got married last summer and had the exact same problem. If it bothered them though, you never would have known it. They still invited her to everything. She came to the wedding and all the other festivities(actually I had to sit at her table) and only made a slight *** out of herself. The thing is, no one noticed, because the bride and groom were so in love and having such a good time that no one was paying attention to her and she eventually shut the hell up. She still gives them a hard time about moving away. I'm pretty sure they haven't seen her in a long time. The thing is, they didn't make the choice. They left it up to her. They were polite and told her what their decision was, and never looked back. You have to live your life the way you need to live it. If it pisses other people off, then it pisses them off. You can't make them any less pissed off, but you can choose to not let it bother you. Your mother in law getting upset isn't hurting anyone but herself unless you let it. Keep her informed of all the festivities and such and if she comes around, she comes around. If she doesn't, its her loss.

Answer 6

Okay this is a rough situation, but you and your FI have to be the bigger people here. Have your shower and invite her but if she doesn't come its her loss. Don't let her stress you out, don't ask for her advice, don't call her, don't go out of your way for her if she isn't going to do the same, treat her like you would treat a different relative and see if she starts to straighten up, if not.... OH its her loss, not yours. You guys are starting a family together and you don't need her to be there is she doesn't want ot be. But remember to be the bigger person so in the future you can be the one to say.... You brought this upon yourself... not vise a versa. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Your fiance should tell her to stop acting like she is because it's not going to change a thing, and if she keeps acting the way she is she will be excluded from the wedding etc. Do not cancel your wedding on account of this behavior, you're right, it's not fair to either one of you. And congratulations to you both.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

my best advice to you is to go about your plans as you normally would. invite her because its the prober thing to do. if shes being this way she may not even show up...and if she does and acts like a fool then she'll be the one looking silly, not you. you have the right to go on with your lives and move if thats what you want to do. shes acting like this to change your minds, but be strong and do what you have to do. be the bigger person in all of this and just invite her and keep your plans. dont ruin your big day because of her. as for talking to her...dont even try. go about your business.

Answer 10

oh gosh, your marrying into it. I would learn to get used to it. Mother-in-laws never change. You may want to talk to her or have her son talk to her, but it's inevitable. If you don't have the wedding you will regret it. If she loves you guys then it will all blow over. The best thing is not to let her know that it's getting to you. Cause then you would be falling into the Mother-in-law trap and there will be no way out.