I have so much that I want to be finished. I hate her. My childhood was lost bescause of her. I moved to CA. and one day finally got the courage to speak to her. She started yelling saying how ungrateful i am, so i hung up.
2007-02-23 08:52:05 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I am sorry you are feeling this way about especially about your mother. That is very sad what you went thru and what you are feeling now. The best thing you can do to heal, is be the best person you can be. You dont need to talk to her anymore. I would at least get some kind of counseling to help with your feelings and finding ways to forgive her and forget the bad things. Going on with your life the best way you can without any stored up bad feelings will be the healthiest and wisest for you.
2007-02-23 08:57:29 · answer #1 · answered by Mum to 2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Lisa. This does sound abusive, but only physical or sexual abuse is illegal. The most important advice I have for you is to (1) focus on the future and (2) realize that you are normal. Unfortunately, many kids have horrible childhoods. What I'm saying is, I know you are trying to make sense of what happened. It is healthy to spend some time on this. But don't try to come up with answers--like why your mother picked on you and why she chose to leave. Some people are just crazy. And don't blame yourself. You were a kid and there was nothing you could have done to make your mother treat you differently to the other kids. She treated you differently because she needed someone to pick on--not because of anything about you. There is no answer for your mother's behavior. The other part of what I'm saying is, do not let this experience take over your life. I know adults of all ages--from twenty-year-olds to eighty-year-olds who STILL are not over their childhoods. When I see these people, they always talk about how unhappy their childhoods were. They always talk about how messed up their lives are now because of their childhoods. Do not let that happen to you. You need to figure out how to put this behind you and move on. Focus on doing well at school so that you can have a GREAT adulthood. Have a great career, treat your kids well, meet a decent man who will treat you well. Focus on those things rather than the past. I know it will be hard--it has been for me too--but this is what you need to do. For now, go to counselling, try to rebuild a relationship with your sister, avoid your brother (unless he has changed) and work very hard at school. Also try to make friends and get a hobby (soccer, painting, kayaking, whatever). When you start thinking about sad things, do the hobby to distract yourself. Also, having a hobby will help you meet new people. Good luck.
2016-05-24 03:23:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are different types of abuse. Some verbal, some emotional, some mental. It's likely that when you talk to her that you and her fall into the same pattern and fight the exact same way. You have to make a choice, either you are going to have a relationship with her or you're not. Either way you have to let go of the pain and hurt you feel and forgive her in your heart. If you decide you are going to have a relationship with her then you must realize a couple of things. For one, she is not going to change, she's too old, too set in her ways and probably hurt herself. Don't even try. Second, she believes in her own mind that she's right and justified. If you want to have a relationship you simply have to "detach" yourself from her emotionally. Call her up, tell her how you're doing and ask about her life. She will definitly try to bring you to the same place you've always been. That's all she knows. She will definitly try to hurt you. You have to ignore it. If you still do love her tell her that. Don't try to change her because you can't, give it up. If this doesn't work and it hurts you more then helps you then consider her deceesed in your heart. Try then to remember any good times you had even if it was as a very small child. Remember her as some kind of loving mother and her bad side was somebody else somebody you don't know. Also, seek counciling from any religious orginization you go to or other social services.
2007-02-23 09:01:35 · answer #3 · answered by Matthew 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry about your mother. As much as I hate to say this, the best way to handle it would probably be to not talk to her for a while. It seems clear that she doesn't think that she did anything wrong, so all talking to her, for now at least, will do is upset the both of you. I hope that some day, your mother and yourself can at least patch something up, but for now, it doesn't look like that would be possible. Maybe when you get older you'd be able to forgive her, but if it has been fairly recent like it sounds, you aren't going to be able to yet.
2007-02-23 09:01:42 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Catherine♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As hard as this is to believe... forgive her. Try to understand her and what she did. Most people that abuse were abused and dont know any other way to parent. By forgiving her you heal yourself, by trying to understand makes it easier to forgive. Maybe pray for her shes has some serious issues. Also try to remember just because she doesnt know how to be a good parent or say what shes really trying to say she is your mom and loves you. By saying you were ungrateful I think what she was trying to say is, by leaving me you hurt me, and I did the best I could you dont understand why Im this way. I know it sounds silly but you'd be surprised what people say when they have been hurt. My best advice is to forgive forgive forgive. That doesnt mean you have to have a relationship with her right now, just forgive so you can move on and one day be a better parent then she was.
2007-02-23 09:06:24 · answer #5 · answered by letthepartybeginnow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds really hard.
My best suggestion would be to not bother contacting her. I know it's natural to want to have a connection to parents but if contact with your mother makes you feel bad then why bother. It sounds like she has a distorted sense of reality and until she makes some changes or wakes up inside herself you can't have a healthy relationship with her.
It is possible to have a relationship similar to a parent relationship wtih a friend or another relative, and if you want "motherly loving support" you can look to other women in your life (does your dad have a new partner or any sisters or close female friends?) to provide that.
We can't help who we are related to by blood, and it sounds like your feelings about your mom are very strong and very negative and that actual contact is pretty unpleasant. I would just not reach out to her, maybe someday she'll come to her senses.
2007-02-23 09:00:17 · answer #6 · answered by heart o' gold 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate my mom too. I had a horrible childhood but couldn't get out until I moved out on my own at 16 yo. I finally excepted that I cannot control anyone but myself. The only thing I can do is change my reaction to others. So I've decided that if it wasn't for the experiences that I have had, then I wouldn't be the person I am today. I love who I am today. Love yourself and thank her for being a crappy mom. You are a better person today because you had to figure it out on your own with out her guidance.
2007-02-23 09:04:25 · answer #7 · answered by JENNIFER B 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to learn how to love yourself first. She is the one with problems and sounds like you are the one she takes it out on. When you feel down just think about how many people are there for you and love you it will amount to more positive. For some reason we tend to focus on negative but really we need to see the positive. Talk to a counselor if you can one that specializes in this area. And remember always you are loved!
2007-02-23 09:01:51 · answer #8 · answered by lola 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take time to focus on yourself right now. You need time to heal. As you heal, you will begin to let some of that hatred go. It's easier to hate her than to deal with the many mixed emotions that you are faced with. Granted, I'm sure hatred is definitely one of them. But, you have to allow yourself to heal or you are continuing to allow her to have control over your life. When you allow hatred to consume you, you are prevented from living a full life. It will take a lot of time but you have to eventually heal enough to forgive her. Don't forgive her for her sake, do it for your sake. That's the only way you can go on with life without letting the pain associated with your mom effect everything else in your life.
2007-02-23 09:05:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that was the past think of new beginnings. Did you do anything to make her mad, or maybe that happened because of something else and she just needed someone to let it out on, and for some apparent reason she wanted to let it out on you.Send her a letter
saying I'm sorry if I did anything wrong but when i was younger
did you have any problems that you want to talk about.Or send her a letter saying meet me at the closest psychiatrist...I need help XD just kidding on that one!
2007-02-23 09:08:37 · answer #10 · answered by amy R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋