I have been with my girl for about a year and a half and know her 3 kids for a year they are 10,11, and 13. We are in love and she wants us to eventually move in together I have a 15 year old son as well. The problem is that I feel left out of things involving the kids . They are into sports and I want to attend the events to support them and show them I care but she does not want me there because of her ex husband. They do not get along but but keep the lines of communication open for the kids . He does not like that she has moved on and acts childish and will not come into her house when he picks the kids up because I am there . She is worried that if I go to the events with her he will stop coming to see his kids there and they will blame me for that ,I am also not aloud to be around on x mas morning when he comes over to watch them open gifts. This bothers me how can I move in with this goin on is this normal or am I being unreasonable wanting to be part of this ?
2007-02-23 08:49:49 · 15 answers · asked by el diablo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Did you tell her you feel left out? Maybe she doesn't realize you feel this way. Let her know and see if you can work something out.
2007-02-23 08:52:31 · answer #1 · answered by AmandaHugNKiss 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are NOT being unreasonable! I think you should go to all of the kids events. Speak to them how you would like to see them at their events. (say it out loud so that she can hear what the kids answer) and then go anyway. The events are public period. I think she is the one not being fair. I don't think you should move in until you have solved this situation. You are accepting her and her children and they are being a part of you and your son's life. She knows that her ex husband is childish, that's probably why he's her ex! If he decides to stop going to his own kids events, it will clearly show how selfish he truly is and the kids are old enough to see that too. you seem to be a good guy and I hope that she comes to her senses so that you all can move towards a great life.
2007-02-23 17:04:04 · answer #2 · answered by renzoval3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is great! I've got some good insight for you.
Okay, she obviously still cares about her ex's feelings because if she didn't she would allow you to go to the games, she would allow you to be a part of Xmas morning and watching them open gifts. She is catering to her ex's emotional needs and doesn't want to see him hurt by your appearance. This is complete utter B.S.!!!! She is totally dissin' you MAN! YOU are the one whos feelings should count. Your her man and she's talking about having a future with you. So is this all gonna change once you guys move in??? I doubt it!
She obviously still has feelings for him and cares what he thinks otherwise the relationship would be real CUT N' DRY. He picks up the kids, drops them off, the occasional phone call for the kids..That should be the extent of it.
I have a bf who has a son (14) and I have been with him 2 years. In those two years I have only heard my BF talk to the ex twice! He doesn't deal with her, he doesn't see her except to pick up his son, or talk to her unless it's about his son. There's no reason for her behavior. Like I said, I think she still has some type of feeling of loyalty to her ex.
I know this is something strong to say...but I think you need to step back and re-evaluate your relationship. Your feelings are being put second in line and that's completely obvious by what I just read. Do you really wanna put up with this for the rest of your life until the kids are 18????? HELL NO!
And I'm sorry, she is feeding you a load of crap about the ex possibly not seeing his kids anymore over you, if you show up to their sporting events etc... BS!!!!!! It's her way for you justifying it to yourself that it's ok for her to leave you out of certain things. That way you tell yourself "it's okay. If I go the kids will be upset with me". And she knows you wouldn't that to happen. So of course you will OBEY the rules.
I have a 13yr old and she is smart enough to know that if her dad chose to not see her then he would be in the wrong not anyone else! She should try explaining that to her kids. Why don't you tell her to go back to him since she's still so loyal to him.
2007-02-23 17:01:58 · answer #3 · answered by glittereyedg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds a little odd to me, try telling her how you feel, so that you guys can keep your line of communication open. Maybe try and work out something that all of you can be invoved in. OR maybe she can stand up to her ex husband and tell it like it is. That is pretty selfish of him to treat you like garbage when you are going to be the second man in their kids life when you move in together. If your gf has moved on from thier previous relationship, then why can't he grow up and accept the fact that you are treating their kids and your gf with respect? your gf needs to speak up.
2007-02-23 16:59:05 · answer #4 · answered by Carla S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy you gotta teaser here, tell her that you want to be part of her life and if she doesn't want that then she needs to make better choices. Let her see what you are seeing and tell her that you love the kids and if her ex is over her had she is over him then the wouldn't have any problem when you step into the picture. Common hunny what do you want to happen and have you talked to the kids and asked them if they are comfortable when you are around.
2007-02-23 16:58:40 · answer #5 · answered by kuhilanigurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time for your girlfriend to take some responsiblity and to make her ex take some responsibility for things.
First she can't blame him for cutting you out of her life, that is her decision to make and she is just using him to excuse her behavior. Second she needs to tell him that you are going to be there and let him do what he will. If you treat her kids right they will not blame you, children are much smarter than one might believe. If she continues to do these things you may want to consider the fact that she simply doesn't want you to be as involved as you would like to be.
2007-02-23 16:56:31 · answer #6 · answered by hthr_1974 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simply don't.
I was in a similar situation and the best thing I ever did, was leaving when I still had the chance. I couldn't cope with the situation anymore. At a moment it even looked like she wanted to get back with the other ex-guy.
Anyhows, I suggest you do the same and wish you the best of luck and above all .... PATIENCE!!!
2007-02-23 16:57:29 · answer #7 · answered by Doctor_love_cur 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave her alone buddy til her kids hit 18. You are walking into a hornet's nest. Very bad for you, her and especially your child. Don't to this to your kid, you will regret it. Be a good daddy to the only one that really loves you, your son will hate you for messing up his life if you marry her, beleive me, been there and failed miserably.
2007-02-23 16:58:19 · answer #8 · answered by zeepogee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
IF SHE GOING TO LET HIM BE IN CONTROL LIKE THAT THEN SHE DON'T NEED YOU WITH HER.SHE NEED TO LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU A PART OF HER LIFE AND WHERE EVER SHE GO YOU CAN GO AND IF HE CAN'T DEAL WITH YOU BEING THERE X-MAS HE NED TO JUST MAKE OTHE PLAN TO SEE THEM OPEN THER GIFT UP. YOU COULD NOT HAVE TO BE PUT ON HOLD OR PUT IT THE BACK FOR HER EX HUSBAND.
2007-02-23 16:56:50 · answer #9 · answered by Happy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her striaght out how you feel and if this doesn't change then i believe that you should move on. no offense i know you love her but if she feels the same a way about you then she should understand.
2007-02-23 16:53:52 · answer #10 · answered by Awakened 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋