How do i keep my first born from getting very jealous?

Question

I just found out that im pregnant with my second child, and i am worried that my first born, who is two years old, will be very jealous and hateful to the newborn when it comes. I think this because anytime i babysit or just hold a friends baby, she starts shoving it and hitting it, i tell her no, but she is hard headed and doesnt like to be told no. I have trouble with her anyways, but i would like to know the best solutions to start now, so that when her new sibling comes she will already be used to the idea. thanks

Answer 1

First of all, get excited about the baby with her, but don't start talking about the baby till 20 weeks or so. Earlier than that and its just too long for a 2 yr old to grasp. Refer to the baby as her's too. Tell her how great of a big sister she'll be. Let her help you set up the room and pick a stuffed toy for baby.

Kids are great copy cats. If you are excited, happy, and positive then she will be too. If you continue worrying about how they'll interact, she'll pick up on that. Of course she doesn't like sharing Mommy! My kids didn't either. But once she understands that baby is hers too, she'll slowly allow baby to share "her territory" (you). Once she learns that the baby is a new part of the family, she'll accept and love it. Let her help you care for the baby (getting diapers, spoon feeding at the right age, holding a bottle). You might even get her a new dolly when you tell her about the baby, and you both can "practice" on the dolly. If you give her age appropriate chores (like getting you a diaper or helping hold a bottle), she'll feel that much more a part of everything. If she's helping with baby too, its that much more easy for her to consider the baby hers too.

Answer 2

By sharing everything about this new baby with your first born, as if the new baby will belong to BOTH of you, not just you. Saying things like YOU are going to have a new sister or brother, not WE are having another baby. any language that makes her feel left out, will have more negative effect.
The earlier you share the news, the more time she will have to come to terms with it all. Make it sound exciting and fun for her. And when the time comes, include her as much as possible. Have her help with the feeding, and blankets, and watching and loving over her new sibling. this new baby will be HER only new sibling, so the more positive thoughts embedded in her mind the better.
Next time she starts hitting and kicking other children, don't tell her no, since she doesn't respond to it well anyway. Get her attention immediately and ask her how she would feel if someone did that to her. Being an only child to this point, she hasn't had to learn how to share well and THINK about how others may feel. She has time to change that during your pregnancy. Good luck, and just try to stay as positive and excited WITH her as possible.

Answer 3

The best thing to do at this point (even though she is 2) is to talk to her. Explain that you still love her the same/more. Let her go to doctors appointments and have her help (make her feel responsible and helpful) with little things. Make her involved as much as possible. Also when the time comes to bring the new baby home, bring her one home too. Let her play mom and feel like she is doing what your doing. Mine oldest 2 are 14 months apart so I know what you are going through. I picked up a baby doll with bottles, diapers, and ect and kept it in the trunk and the day we brought the new one home she got it and imitated me. Also make sure you set aside special time (both mom and dad) doing some of her favorite things without the baby. It will take some adjustment but in the end she will love being the big sister.

Answer 4

I have a 3 year old son and I just had my second son 7 weeks ago.
My oldest son was a bit jealous at first and from time to time still is. What I found that helped was to keep the oldest as involved as possible. Have your oldest go get the diaper for you, have her throw the dirt diaper in the trash - you know, just let her know she's helping out with the baby too. Show her how to pat the baby on the butt or back for burping, etc... It's worked really well for my child.

Good luck to ya and everything will be ok, it just takes time for her to get used to it.

;-)

Answer 5

There are a lot of children's books that address a new baby coming into the home. Start now talking about the new baby, and let your daughter "plan" some of the details. Help put things in the baby room, pick out a baby book..the more they are involved, the easier it is for them to make the transition from baby in the house to big sibling.

Answer 6

Do you have any books or videos on how to properly take care of a baby? Do you have a play doll that has diapers, shoes, clothes, and a bottle? I would show her how to properly handle a doll, change her diaper, put her to bed, etc. Also, have your two year old help you get ready for the next baby by either putting clothes into a dresser, stacking diapers, or whatever. Maybe, just maybe, she'll start to get excited about having a new one to care for.

This is what a friend of mine did to help put her first born at ease.

Answer 7

Have your her be a big part of the newborns life. Don't exclude her from things. For the past two years she had you alone, now might be a good time to let her know that she is going to have a brother or sister and you will need her help. Try not to "give her things " to the newborn unless you ask her, and if she says no, wait for a while and ask her again.

Answer 8

make sure to spend a lot of one on one time with her and give her the attention she needs before she goes to extreme measures (hitting, etc) to get it.
I have a 2 year old and a baby on the way.. the best thing I've been able to do is teach my son how special babies are and to just love them. He gets extremely excited whenever he sees them and really sees them as something to be adored.

Good luck.

Answer 9

i am worried about the same thing but my son is 22 months and i am due in 2 months so he'll be almost 2 exactly anyways for me i have been telling him HE is getting a new baby and making it all about him and he wakes up and gives the baby kisses through my belly every morning and sometimes he even tried to feed his new baby food through my belly when ever we see one i say oh your gonna have a new baby soon and he is really excited but i haven't had the baby yet so who knows

Answer 10

let her be your hellper when you bring tha baby home. and let her sit on the couch with you there of course and put the baby on her lap for a while. but you should be holding the baby too. have her bring the diaper to you. and both sing to the baby. and play with her too. and tell her that you love her and she will always be your little girl. good luck.