i have 3 boys, my oldest is almost 14 and has the worst attitude. he acts as if the world is his enemy, everythings unfair, and it must all be a conspiracy against him. I don't get it. no matter what i say he's extremely defensive and angry. I know he's not doing drugs, so what is making him act like this?
2007-02-23 08:19:00 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have 3 children as well and my oldest is a girl(almost 16) and we went through a roller coaster with her when she went through puberty..she has calmed down a bit but we still occasionally see "sybil" in our house from time to time.
I also think its the older child syndrome..my middle child is 14 and he is a boy..and some days I barely know he is there ..very easy going..while my youngest(a girl-10) is the star of the show..sweet as pie but she is definitely the 'baby'..
My 1st piece of advice is to not put 'all' your energy and time into the first one who is giving you such a hard time..my oldest tends to sort of suck all the air out of the room whenever she is around..now we try to focus more of our attention on out other two so they don't get lost in the shuffle..its hard but whether its gopod or bad attention I'm sure you 14 year old is getting the most. 2nd try not to engage in the fruitless banter they tryto you into..it only escalates things and we as parents never win. Tell them their answer or what you need to tell them and leave it at that..when they come back with the 'your the worst parent ever' say yes I am and walk away..fighting is pointless..
Lastly try to catch him in a quiet time..when he is relatively happy..and ask him hard questions..like friends, sex etc.. and find out if he has questions..he may not understand all the changes going on..
never stop letting him know your there..
Finnaly good luck and hold on..we as parents can only hope that they will grow up and come back and thank us some day!! (and they someday too will have kids and go through it..!!!)
2007-02-23 08:34:29 · answer #1 · answered by sophia4470 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have 5 children and what your son is going through...I called the Alien years. From roughly his age through to the end of the 16th year, it appeared as though aliens literally sucked my loving sweet tempered children right out of their bodies, hosed back in these alien witch creatures and we were made to live with them for almost a full 2 year period. Then just as suddenly, the process would reverse and my sweet, even tempered children would re-emerge. Life was good again.
Seriously though, he's stretching his independence as far as he can because he's struggling to fit in with his peers but he doesn't want to leave the parents too far behind so the oddest but most logical to him is the attitude, beligerance, anger and well...attitude again, is the way in which he struggles to deal with it all. Hormones play in there as well and he's a child growing into a young adults body...scary enough, and he's reacting in knee jerk fashion. When he acts this way he is too embarrassed and afraid to look like a 'baby' any longer and he doesn't want to come back an apologize for his attitude because then that makes him look weak.
It will pass and the best you can do til it does is be there for him, let him know that you don't like the attitude he's display but you understand the struggles he might be having and you want to ensure that he knows that he can always come to you with anything, anytime...and you will never judge him. Let him have his space and if he comes home in a foul mood, accept it and don't try to find out what the problem is at that instant. Let him calm down and then just peeking in to see how he's doing may get you able to talk to him a bit more one on one.
All has to be a calm, rational approach because yelling and coming on strong is simply going to make him shut right down. We've done this with all of our children and despite the fact that we had a few people who thought they knew better, all of our children came through those alien years more mature, more responsible and even more likeable than when they went in which in itself was a huge accomplishment given they were already great kids when they went in :)
Give it time, be there for him, give him his space, stand at the sidelines to ensure he doesn't get into things he shouldn't or do things that will cause problems...step in when you need to but overall, let him have some time to make his own judgements and decisions...he's growing up and it's a huge adjustment. I don't even remember my alien years but I'm sure I had them...yet my parents did this for me and hey...I think I'm ok :)
Take care and all the best,
2007-02-23 08:37:35 · answer #2 · answered by dustiiart 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish we knew the ages of your other two sons? He is the oldest I might have thought you would have said it s was you middle on, So do you still spend time with him like you use to? Is the father in the picture? Or an older male? I know we can't spend all our time with the kids like we want to but maybe he missing that one on one time he had with you when he was younger? Just sat down a talk to him again and again, making sure you telling him you love him and will always love him, you have to more right behind him, take one day a week and do something just with each of your son's if it doing home work with them or teaching them how to make their favorite meal, working on a model something their in to.
Sorry that’s all I have at this time would need more information, but I do wish you good luck and keep on smiling :-0)
2007-02-23 08:37:13 · answer #3 · answered by choiceav 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the wonderful world of teenagers...lol...I have one myself, he is 15 yrs old. I went through the same thing as you, well actually, I still am on a certain level..It was like he went to bed one night this sweet little boy and woke up with this major attitude...I seriously thought he was doing drugs, so I had him tested and he isn't..thank god...anyway, we all have done that to our parents at one time or another in our life, even if we don't want to admit it...Just relax, he is just growing up and he will grow out of it...Just make sure he knows you love him and you are always there for him if he needs to talk about something. Good Luck!
2007-02-23 08:24:09 · answer #4 · answered by Vicki B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is typical with teenagers. If they don't get what they want...watch out! Your son is changing. He's making slow steps to becoming a man and in turn he's changing. He could be dealing with a lot of the regular adolescent issues:
school
girls
body changes etc.
Take more of an interest while giving him space. Whatever you do don't stop talking and don't stop being a mother first because no matter what your job is to raise your son into a decent man.
2007-02-23 08:37:52 · answer #5 · answered by nothesecret 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hormones plain and simple.Boys at that age are like girls at 16.No matter what you do,it's not going to matter,it's a stage they go through and hopefully will pass soon. Once he starts noticing girls,or gets interested in some type of activity of some kind he might start acting better.But in the mean time,just try and be alittle patient,he won't stay like that forever.Unless there's something going on with him,then maybe you need to try and sit down and really talk to him and see if he will tell you.Or maybe you can get an older cousin or uncle some type of male to talk to him and see what's going on.But like I said at that age they go through a faze,because they are getting ready to start changing just like girls.I know I raised two boys,so I know what your going through.Good Luck,hope this helps.
2007-02-23 08:30:16 · answer #6 · answered by glorene b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hormones. Plain and simple. That's the way teenagers are. In a few years he will be over it. Also, the friends he hangs out with can influence that. If they act that way, then he may want to act that way. Just something you may have to grit and bear through.
2007-02-23 08:22:24 · answer #7 · answered by blue_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you mean. I have a teen boy. When you say white they say black. It's almost like trying to argue with a drunk. You just have to wait it out and zip the lip. No matter what you say or do it isn't right. Good luck
2007-02-23 08:23:46 · answer #8 · answered by monalisamouse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a teenager...and I think alot of the time friends are the worst influence on a child...if his friends are negative...he probably thinks it's cool. Try limiting his time with friends, and take more family time...enjoy the simpler things like hiking, boating, fishing, things like that. My nephews were alot like that...then my father bought a "cabin on a lake" and now they channel their energy towards boating, fishing and nature. He just needs a change of scenery maybe...he's probably a great kid...just trying to fit in!
2007-02-23 08:23:36 · answer #9 · answered by claireandmouse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot change them anymore after ten years old your done molding, I think what you need to do is learn how to be a better listener then you will see a difference; no one is happy at 14 think of how things were for you, I hated life at 14.
2007-02-23 08:22:57 · answer #10 · answered by Phillip P 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋