Is it denial or just keeping a positive outlook?

Question

My mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 5 months ago. She still talks about cutting out recipes to make a big meal or is worried about where to store her Christmas sweatshirts for next year, etc. Her prognosis was 6 months and she's doing well at 5, but chances are she won't be here next Christmas. She'll also probably never have the strength to cook a big meal--she's already very weak. Do you think this is healthy for her mentally to think positively like this or is she in denial? I don't want her to be morbid or negative, but wonder if she shouldn't be facing reality a bit more?? What is YOUR opinion?

Answer 1

She probably does know it, and realizes what the doctors are saying, but chooses not to focus on that part. I have seen someone come back from the brink of death, end stage of their cancer, not thought to make it through, and they are now in remission for over a year, and donig well.

I honestly think that maintaining a positive outlook and retaining normalcy and independance in life is a good thing. Half of the battle, in my opinion, is your attitude. This in itself has helped me a great deal in my battle thus far. If she is in denial, as you say, perhaps she just feels she needs to maintain a strong front for everyone. Talk to her about your worries if you feel it would help.

Answer 2

It is most healthy for her to be making the plans. She is being positive. Do all that you can to be supportive. Hope is all we have. In the event that she should pass on, she will have had a better quality of life because you were supportive. I was supposed to pass away Christmas of '99. I had an invasive sarcoidosis growth that involved several organs including my pancreas and liver. My liver function had dropped lower than any that the doctors had seen recover. My liver was swollen to three times it's normal size. Well, I am still here and glad of it. My case has been used at a local medical school of how patients can rebound from certain demise. My liver is back to it's normal size, function is normal, a lot of scarring, the growth under control. They don't know why. I hope and pray that your Mother is having you help with the next Christmas, and to fix that meal. Keep hope, Good Luck.

Answer 3

She knows what lies before her. My great uncle is going though liver cancer. He's the same way. The hospice people said to just let him continue to think in a positive way. It really helps. As long as she has all of the things she leaves behind in order (sorry) just let her go on with her normal activities. You want her to be happy. Just make the best of what you have left with her. Take lots of pictures. Laugh. Hug. Cry. Make home videos. Give her all of your best energy. It just might add weeks. You never know. But at least you know that it's coming and you can make some really great long lasting memories of her. Honor her in some way before she passes. She deserves it! Best of times for you and her.

Answer 4

I think your mom is trying to live what life has to offer her and it is good to stay positive. Don't think she doesn't worry maybe she is staying strong for you. It would be nice of you to have the same optimistic hope for the future also.You have doomed her to be dead by Christmas that can't help. I understand your fear and worry, make the best of life there is always room for hope.Best wishes to your mom and you.

Answer 5

I think that as long as your mom is willing to fight then you should back her up. Let her live her life as long as she can. A positive attitude is her best ally in feeling well. Once she gives up the fight her health will decline quickly. There's always a chance that she will far outlive the doctors' expectations. They really don't know everything.

Answer 6

Let her be at whatever stage she wants to be. Make her feel good and don't subject her to your judgment and negativity.