My husband and I have a 4 yr. old. and with all children she has her moments and she can be a real brat sometimes. I am the "yeller" i will tell her not to do it, i'll do the time out, i'll do the go to your room i don't care if your crying speech.
But i get so frustrated. Once in a while i will give her a small smack on the hand. Nothing hard just so she know that what she did was REALLY bad.
My husband on the other hand is a military man and with this comes stict discipline and spanking. When he come home our daughter is an angel does what she is told and behaves. As soon as she starts to lose all my husband has to do is give her a stern look and she'll stop!
What is up with that? He believes in Spanking and often does when she gets out of control. Nothing abusive, just a couple swats on her bbottom and straight to her room she goes. I am on the fence about this and really don't know if it is good or band and how should i handle this situation.
2007-02-23 06:35:31 · 19 answers · asked by CaliGirl 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
It's clear your daughter has loads of respect for your husband. I think the fact he sets clear boundaries, and has clear consequences for when she crosses the line, is one reason he is so successful with her. The other is that she is with you all day, plus dads have that deep "your in trouble" daddy voice, lol. In my opinion yelling never works, it shows your child you have lost your cool. I would try to emulate your husband's methods. Instead of shouting, send her up to the room to wait for the spanking. This way, your completely cool minded (that's a must for a spanking to work) You must be completely calm, have a quick talk about why she earned this, pull down pants, plop her over your lap, and spank the bottom. She's 4 so you don't really have to go very hard to get your message across. As soon as you are consistent with your boundaries she will have that same respect for you, well maybe not the same (can't compete with daddy's little girl) but you will be thrilled beyond all belief.
Best of Luck to you
2007-02-23 21:30:02 · answer #1 · answered by olschoolmom 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
The reason she is being all braty to you is becauseyou dont give enough disapline! Your husband gives it the first time it happens so it will never happen again, but on the other hand- you just give some little tap on the hand and think it'll to the job. It wont. Give a slightly harder smack the first time- but the second time spank her. if you let her get away with things now, she turn out to spoiled. Her teens will be like hell to you! No joke! Give as muuch disapline will make her stop. Just dont be the abusive kind.
2007-02-23 15:02:53 · answer #2 · answered by nat b 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds as if you have a really good daddy who knows how to discipline your child. Present a united front to your child and also look into getting a little tougher with her. She will find it a lot easier to behave when she knows daddy and mommy are united and together with the discipline thing. Make sure rules are understood and she understands the consequences of breaking rules. She will grow up a child who is not out of control and will respect you for keeping her on the right path. Don't forget to give daddy a kiss for being a father who cared enough to do a good job!
2007-02-23 14:58:58 · answer #3 · answered by Marie 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I don't think she responds that way to him because he spanks. His manner and voice is probably just more authoritative. A lot of kids just react that way to their men and not women. Try using a deeper voice and stick to your punishments. Spanking probably won't scar her for life but it might not be effective in the long run. It will stop the behavior that she is currently exhibiting but won't teach her anything. Make sure you are talking to her about why things that she is punished for are not ok.
2007-02-23 15:13:31 · answer #4 · answered by person 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not abusive to spank your children. I was spanked as a child, but only when I had sat in my room for 10 minutes so my dad or mom could calm down. They would come in, discuss what I did wrong and give me the swat (or two). Then I would have to sit there until I stopped crying and I could come out of my room when I was ready. Believe me, it worked. (I was never spanked more than 2 swats at a time).
Spanking becomes abuse when it is done out of anger, when it is excessive, or when the adult cannot control themselves.
Think of it this way. You can tell a toddler to not touch a hot stove all day, and until they feel the pain when they touch it, they will continue to try to do it. As soon as they realize it hurts, they wont touch it again.
Thats how I think of spanking. You can time out all you want sometimes, but for some reason, kids respond better to "pain".
2007-02-23 14:44:58 · answer #5 · answered by Soon2BMommy 3 · 5⤊ 4⤋
You either believe in hitting (spanking, smacking ) all the same thing or you don't. Your daughter is afraid of her dad because he is teaching her and ruling her through fear. Punishments (spanking) creates fear, avoidance and lowers self-esteem. Do you guys want your daughter to fear you? She won't want to come to you with problems in the future... There are other ways to discipline by not hitting and it works. Use time-out.
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2007-02-23 15:23:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Nothing inspires fear in a child like a good spanking from daddy! That stern look that daddy gives reminds kids that a good licking is just one smart alec comment away.
I'm a firm believer in spanking but not abuse. After you spank a child, you have to reconcile with the child to reinforce positive behaviour. Yelling and other verbal abuse is far more harmful psychologiclly than spanking.
2007-02-23 15:05:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
Discipline is the basis of life. Spanking kids is perfectly acceptable and should be encouraged more often.
The generation of yesteryear, recieved spankings and on occassion, good solid hidings. Most of those kids, are now adults, leading responsible, rewarding lives.
The sad trend of today is to treat a child like an adult, and talk to them about their wrong-doings. This is nonsence. They are not adults, they are kids. Physical discipline, serves to remind them, that they were wrong and they will think twice, before doing it again.
The old proverb simply states: SPARE the rod - SPOIL the child
2007-02-23 14:57:37 · answer #8 · answered by calexico 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I prefer time out. Send her to her room or make her sit in
a chair in a designated spot. No playing at this time. A child
of four you probably can have her sit for about 5 min. and it
will feel like an eternity. My stepdad spanked us and I hated
it. So when my kids came along I preferred not spanking.
2007-02-23 14:49:06 · answer #9 · answered by chmar11 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I don't think it is a matter of spanking/not spanking. Your little girl can tell that she is frustrating you, and she is seeking to push your buttons. Decide what types of punishment you feel are appropriate, and mete them out when the time comes. She respects your husband because she knows whe means what he says.
It is not the severity of punishment, but the surety of it.
2007-02-23 14:48:59 · answer #10 · answered by dentroll 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋