How do I have a Relationship with my mother?

Question

I am a 23 yrs old mother of a 2 yr old. My mom and I have had problems since I was 15yrs old. When she slept with my boyfriend. She was married with 3 kids she told me I stoled her BF from her. We have had problems ever since. We will go months without speaking. This last time she accused me of something I didn't do and saud alot of hurtful things about me to my husband and he cut the contact off with her. I had a child that was murdered and she told my husband if he left my other daughter would be dead in a month. Because she claims I sleep all the time. But yet she never came around to know that. It always starts withone thing and leads to others. She won't talk about things like what happened with my boyfriend she acts like these things never happened. What do I do? Just keep contact cut off? PLEASE HELP she makes it seem like its all me

Answer 1

it's great that u want to have a relationship w/ her.. however, she is making it quite difficult. and the truth is, u have a NEW family now. yes ur mother is ur family, but she is now an Extension of ur Immediate family (ur own new unit w/ husband and kids). that means, ur #1 goal is protect and support your family. she should have done that for you when u were with her, but she didn't. it's not ur job to Make her change... =T. she needs to learn it on her own. if u were single, i might have advised u to try to go to counseling w/ her or something, but since u have ur own family to take care of, u don't have as much time to focus on her..... it sucks, but u have to do what's best for ur kids and husband.

perhaps u can suggest as nicely as u can, that she go to counseling or a therapist and talk out her problems about you..perhaps even go together so she doesn't feel u are accusatory. but if she gives u a hard time, don't keep trying cuz u need to focus on ur kids. good luck

Answer 2

No matter how much you love someone, sometimes they are simply just beyond "help". Degenerate behavior isn't a disease you can cure with a pill, nor is it an injury that you can treat. It is a personality disorder, at least when the behavior impacts as negatively as your mother's has on your life. As unfortunate as this answer may seem, you do have a relationship with your mother, it's just disfunctional and appears it always will be.

Trust can only be betrayed if you put yourself in a postion to be betrayed.

Answer 3

I would sit her down and tell her flat out that during the upcoming conversation you are going to have with her that there is to be No cussing and no raising of voices. If you can't do that, it won't work. I would say, "We both know how messed up things have been in the past, we are different people now, better people, and we wouldn't be the people we are today if it weren't for our past. I would really like to try and have a meaningful, supportive relationship with you. No matter who comes and goes in your life your children and your mother never change. Instead of going through life fighting each other, I would like go through life WITH you because I love you and I am sorry for any grief I may have caused you in the past and I forgive you for anything you may have done to me. I know that you were doing your best in raising me and now that I have had children of my own, I realize that the raising of children doesn't come with handbook. We can figure this out together. I love you."
If she blows up, just say "I am sorry you feel that way and wish you could let the past go. You know where to find me if you are ready for our relationship to progress in a positive light. I don't expect everything to change over night, but we can try, and things WILL get better with time. I love you mom"
Best of luck.

Answer 4

Seek professional help. These issues are deep-rooted. Having children involved demands your best effort to heal. You will inevitably have similar relational issues with your child/ren if you don't soon eradicate the strongholds in your life. Their wellness depends on your wholeness. Your mother will have to do the same--on her terms. Perhaps if she's learned that you are on a path to healing, she will be inspired to do the same. Being happy and spiritually and emotionally healthy is the best motivator to elicit change in those around you.

Answer 5

Wow, she's a tough mother to have. Love covers a multitude of sins. If you love your mother you can hate the horrible things she says and does to you, but love her as your mother. Ask her why she does the things she does sometimes and explain that she should respect you and not say hurtful things to you. I would be direct since she sounds like she's direct with you. But in a tactful way.

Answer 6

im sorry i cant help you but i can tell you that you might want to move just incase and probably tell the cops about her threats that way no one else will be hurt. i kind of know how you feel except my mom pushed me away. i have to admit you have it far worse than i do. i wish you the best of luck and im terribly sorry for your lose.

Answer 7

Your mother seems manipulative - keep your family away from her. She seems hell bent on making sure to make your life miserable. Keep minimal contact with her and that's only if you want to.