how do you change a cheater ....... how do you get him to only want you?

Answer 1

Ah yes, an age-old question...

There's an age-old saying: "Cheaters never win, and winners never cheat." The short answer is unfortunately, it's next to impossible to change a cheater.

For guys who cheat, the "cheatness" is a deeply ingrained behavior based on set of beliefs that don't change easily. Perhaps he's always felt deep down the women he's gotten together with just weren't good enough for him. That means the problem lies within him that he needs something to "validate" him, that the current girlfriend is a validation of his self-worth. if he thinks he can get someone "better", he'll try for that person because it will make him feel better about himself. Maybe it's just that "roving eye" thing, and he's an adrenaline junkie that's addicted to that "thrill of the chase", and that the first spark of romance is always "the best". Lastly, it might be genetic. Scientists are looking at the phenomena of "promiscuous men" and how it may have helped or hurt the evolution of humans, and the biology behind it. The point I'm trying to make is that that problem is actually his, and not entirely all, yours.

My advice is that:

1) maybe you're attracted to that kind of guy. I had a friend who before she got married to a good guy was a complete homewrecker. Her flawed theory was "It's not worth having if it's not stolen." She always picked up married guys who wanted an affair. Those guys, she later discovered, would never be all hers, or leave their wives. She needed to grow out of that. If that's you, some self-analysis, some self-esteem building, and a good look in the mirror will help.

2) maybe you're with a guy who won't stop cheating on you. Is he really the kind of guy you want? Doesn't sound like it. In this case, you're "enabling" the cheating. He knows he can get away with it if you're willing to tolerate it. Why are you willing to tolerate it? Again, I recommend some self-esteem building and looking at the positives you have to offer. If you're clingy, that's something that drives men to cheat on you, and you need to examine the root causes of your clinginess.

Skylor Williams

Answer 2

Ok, everyone says you can't or you don't, but I thought I'd try to help you so here goes...

I think a guy cheats when he's bored. You have to keep things interesting, change it up once in a while, withold "the first time sex" for a loooong time, that usually keeps guys interested (hopefully you haven't had sex yet).

I think guys cheat when things get too personal and they get scared of commitment, so keep things light. Don't force the "I love yous", don't call more than once a day, just don't say anything that could translate into "future".

You have to make it seem like you aren't trying to change him, that he's free to be who he wants (while at the same time realizing what he is: a cheater). If he cheats, forgive him and still be there for him. Don't punish him or else you will just be like every other girl.

The best way would be to have an open relationship, that way he can feel free and not panic, and you don't have to have your heart broken when he does cheat (cuz sorry to say, but cheaters rarely change). He won't stop cheating right away so you'll have to put up with it at first. He has to decide to change and you can help him to decide that by giving him space to realize what he has with you.

The goal here is to make him comfortable, to make him see you are unique and wonderful even when he's a jerk (by cheating). Eventually he will snap out of it and want to be with you cuz he will see, no matter what woman he goes to, you are always the best one.

I personally wouldn't stick with a cheater because I'd get hurt too easily, but if that's what you want, then go for it. It's your desicion, I'm not your mom and can't tell you what to do or not do. Whatever you do, I wish you luck and happiness.

Answer 3

I don't think you can really, you need to show himt hat you are worth everythign and that all he wans is you, watch John Tucker Must Die, thats a great example fo what to do, not that easy but if you try hard...

it's in his nature to want lots of women, I know lots of guys that are like that! Give him everythign so he isn't left wanting more, I know it might be hard constantly satisfying him but thats the way it is when you want someone just for yourself! Accept every part of him. Find out what part fo him is wanting more (is it a family problem that has left him with a cheating dad and an alcoholic mom that made him want lots of love form all over - this kind of stuff can happen)

Persoanlly it's very hard so unless you are really sure this is what you want then dont bother!
Famous quote and meaning:

If you fool me once shame on me ( I let you fool me) If you fool me twice shame on you ( I tried my best but you couldn't help it)

Just watch John Tucker, its hillarious and maybe you'll get the picture!

TELL him honestly that you want just him and ask him what you have to do to get that!
guys hate being beaten around the bush (I have no idea if its the same for cheaters since they're the ones doing it but I guess it should be the same so be honest about your feelings)

Answer 4

You cannot change another~~~Only yourself !!!

I am a firm believer that once a cheater, is not necessarily always a cheater. Especially when he realizes the mistake of his life and visualizes the future with whom he's cheating. (In my case).
You cannot make him want only you. Can't make him~~

You can keep yourself neat & clean. Put on a nice fragrance and be sweet and be yourself, be honest and have a nice personality and if he finds himself attracted to you it will be because you are you and not someone he needs to figure out. My sons did not like women that complicated their lives and they are happily married men today. Keep it simple and sweet. Always a lady~~~
You can drive him away or futher away by being to clingy or pushy. That is something men do not like. Leave him be. If what
you are doing is not working, try what I've said and good luck.
It hurts bad to be cheated on and I feel for you~~~~~Jill

Answer 5

have you ever heard of a saying, "once a cheater, always a cheater." No one can truly change if that person is not willing to change. But never fear, THERE IS A POSSIBILITY.

i know this because i once was a cheater (yes i cheated before & it's not an easy thing to admit) but i did try to change my ways because i loved him. And i did change. But it's very difficult with the trust issues. THE REASON THAT I CHANGED WAS BECAUSE OF LOVE. So maybe that;s your ticket. Anyways, good luck..

Answer 6

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Believe me, I cheated and the next relationship I did it again. So to save the pain I decided not to be in a relationship until I know I'm ready. Until I can trust myself.....then I can gain trust from others.

Answer 7

you can't change a cheater...some people belive once a cheater always a cheater but i think there are some exceptions to the rule depending on the situation. But you can't force somebody to change no matter what the situation..if they want to do they are going to do it. you can't make somebody fall in love with you.. It's free will. I know sometimes we all like to think we can change someone but in reality the only person who cn change someone is themselves.

Answer 8

You can't. A cheater has a certain mindset that allows him/her to do that without guilt. They feel entitled. It's a pretty safe bet that "once a cheater, always a cheater" applies in your case as well as millions of others.

Give up trying to change him and find yourself a real man who has integrity and who can and will love you only. You deserve that much.

Answer 9

Well many people will probably say once a cheater always a cheater but it is not tecnically true, if a man or woman wants to be faithful they will. the choose what they decide to do sometimes it is because they aren't happy and sometimes because it's easier than being happy but either way it is a choice.

Answer 10

fatal misconception of many women and men, YOU CANNOT CHANGE a man!!!!!! No matter how much you love him or stand by him. He has to change, on his own time and for his reasons. Too many women fall victim to this statement "If I can love him enough and show him love more than the other woman" And when he cheats.....you feel as though it is your fault, when the blame lies on the cheater themselves. Cheating is a selfish act that can only be changed if the cheater themselves is willing to do it.