Parents...what do u think of this?

Question

My friend's daughter is 14 and a really good kid. She babysits for me sometimes, and for a few other people I know. Anyways she has been saving up for a really expensive pair of shoes. She has finally reached her goal, but my friend won't allow her to get them because she thinks they are a waste of money. I admit they are a little bit pricy, but she was responsible enough to earn and save her own money. I figure she should be allowed to buy them. Right? Anyways she is very upset about it, becuase she really wants the shoes. She asked me to talk to her mom, but what am I supposed to say? Personally, I think her mother is being foolish. It's not like her daughter doesn't know the value of a dollar. Normally she is really good with money. Just this one time she wants these shoes!

The shoes are around $85.00

I think alot of the problem is my friend is a major penny pincher and never wants to part with money. Sure that's fine and good...But I do believe in having a treat once in a while...and someone on here was right...It's not like she won't wear them...they are useful!!

Answer 1

I think that if a child who is 14, worked and saved up the money on her own to buy a pair of $85.00 shoes, she should be allowed to get them. There are a lot of worse things that a 14 year old could do with that kind of money.

Your friend needs to learn to pick her battles. You fight the ones that make a difference in the way a child will turn out. Not the ones like this. If she is a good kid and dependable then she should get to do as she pleases with her own money. She will have such a sense of pride when she wears them and that is something that is priceless.

I am sorry but I am afraid your friend is asking for trouble in the long run if she doesn't learn which battles are worth fighting and which ones aren't.

Mother of 3 grown daughters and raising 2 out of 7 grandchildren. Believe me, I know what I am talking about.

Answer 2

I think it would be ok, and maybe also a good learning experience for the girl. There are a lot of things parents already know, but sometimes we have to let our kids find out on their own. Yeah, your friend, being an adult, is aware that $85 is not very reasonable for a pair of shoes. But to her daughter, she's probably very excited and proud of herself for working towards and reaching a goal, and being able to do something for herself. Yeah, maybe she will get the shoes and realize she could've done something else with the money, or maybe she'll spend all that money only to have the shoes fall apart in no time. Either way, she'll learn something from it. And who knows, maybe she would get them, love them, and they'd actually last and it wouldn't be a mistake at all! Talk to your friend and see if there's more to it. If not, tell her the way you think about it and see if she changes her mind. If not, it's her decision in the end anyway.

Answer 3

Well you should just tell her it that way (without the word foolish)

Being responsible with money is more then just working and saving up your money, its also not wasting the money. That said everyone deserves a treat once in a while.
Explain to her that her daughter is usually very responsible with money, she doesn't spend it on frivolous things, and isn't the kind of girl to just throw her money away as soon as she gets it.

Then make the point that everyone likes to splurge once in awhile and get themselves something nice. You can't live without one or 2 things that make you really happy, whether its a vacation, a nice sweter, or a pair of shoes that you think are grand.

And at least shoes she can use again and again and will make her feel and look nice. At least she isn't waisting her money on a video game or candy.

Answer 4

I think the mom is being dumb. I am sure she has spent money on something that was a "waste of money". I think since she worked hard to earn that money that the daughter should be able to buy what ever she wants with it. You could always as the daughter to give you the money and you go buy them from her and than she can just tell her mom that it was a gift from you for all the hard work she does.

Answer 5

She should work until she saves $100 -125 so she can buy the shoes and put the rest in the bank -- spend a little and save a little. Hopefully her mom will be proud of her for saving some of it! The young lady sounds like she is responsible enough.
Good luck to her and enjoy the shoes!!!!

Answer 6

I would dread interjecting myself into a mother-daughter power struggle such as this. There's really no winner.

However, that being said, parents have to allow their children to make mistakes - even against their best advice and instincts - in order for children to learn.

The daughter knows how long she worked to afford the shoes. She worked expressly for the purpose of saving the money for them - and it is, after all, her money. Mom may think it's a waste of money, but it's the daughter's money, isn't it?

I have 2 daughters. If they have money, they are free to spend it on just about anything they want (legal, of course, and clothes must fit our "dress code.") I am NOT obligated to subsidize outrageous or extravagent purchases, or to replenish their cash supply when they have blown it all on some expensive trinket.

They are learning on their own that money doesn't grow on trees, and mom and dad don't always have money when they want it. Mom, in this case, has to let her daughter make her own mistakes. Mom has to let her daughter grow up - it's part of the natural process.

Answer 7

She earned the money, she is 14, and she sounds extreamly responsible. She should be allowed to buy the shoes.

On a side note - I'll bet you she will take very very good care of those shoes since she worked so hard to get them.

Answer 8

In our house, if you want something special like that you save your money. My 9 year old just saved money to buy a video game system for himself. He also has other money that he is saving long term without a specific goal-just that it won't be spent until after graduation from high school.

On the other hand; if you came to my house and meddled in my business with how I'm raising my child, I'd be highly upset with you. I'd say if you tread, tread lightly on this one.

Answer 9

That's a tough one. I almost have to side with your friend. My son has over 1K saved and he wants to buy a laptop. He's 10, and I say "no". I say "no" because I know he's going to want a car when he's old enough, and his father and I have already made it clear that we're not buying him one. He's too young right now to understand this.

Though....how much are the shoes? I mean if they are under $100, then yeah, I'd let her do it. She has to learn to manage her own money...but if they are a few hundred, I'd say "no".

Answer 10

I think if mom wanted to buy something expensive and foolish (to her husb, let's say) and he banned her from buying it, it would upset her. Parents are supposed to teach kids responsibilty, which it sounds like she is doing. But i wouldn't ban my kiddo from buying whatever he wanted. If it's their well earned/deserved $$, it's theirs. If she wanted a tatoo or some obscene piercing, that might be different. But that's the point of kids earning their own $$, is to learn how to spend it/save it, etc. Let the kiddo buy her shoes! It's not like she's buying $600 minolos! :)