I am trying to get as many jokes as i can....?

Question

Please send me any funny jokes you all have, trying to get lots together to send to friends..... thanks

Thought i would see how many kind people off Yahoo would take the time to send me some jokes....

Answer 1

What did the skeleton say to the human?
I've got a bone to pick with you!

Answer 2

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the
other
monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not
from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot
to
question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in
the
first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be
continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for
centuries,
but you make a good point, my son."

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery
where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked
vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go
by and nobody sees the old abbot.

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees
him
banging his head against the wall and wailing,
"We missed the "R" ! , we missed the "R" !"

His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying
uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong,
father?"

With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was...



"CELEBRATE"!!!

Answer 3

Man comes home and his wife says it our anniversary.Husband says, Oh no I forgot.She says when I look out this window tomorrow there better be something that goes 0-200 in 6 seconds.She gets up in the morning and all she sees is a box in the driveway. She hurriedly puts her clothes on, gets the box and opens it.It contains a scale. Her husbands body has never been found.

Answer 4

I don´t really know any jokes , but there has to be thousand´s of them in the joke section . How many joke´s are you sending your friend, or is this just a joke

Answer 5

OK so there is two spies! they r husband and wife. They are on their final test! So they give the husband a gun and say," In that room is your wife. go in there and shoot her!" So he goes in and sits down. He looks deeply into her eyes and starts crying and breaks down! He goes out and tells them," I can't do it I'm sorry." So they go up to the wife and say the same thing. She goes in the room and its quiet for a while. Then they hear screaming and yelling! They hear BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Then they hear crashing and breaking noises! So the wife comes out all sweaty and exhausted! They ask her," WHAT HAPPENED??? So she say," Well the gun was filled with a bunch of blanks, so I had to beat him to death with the Chair!

Answer 6

1.) What is the way to break up a bingo game in iraq or afghanistan?

Answer: call out B-52

2.) Why did Michael Jackson go to Walmart?

Answer: He heard they had little boys pants half off

Answer 7

Okay, this is long, but it's SOOOOOOOOOO funny!

So there's an American guy and his foreign assistant (this isn't meant to be racist or anything, but he HAS to be foreign). The American guy gives him some money and says "Get me a glass, a bucket, and whatever else you want with the rest."

So he goes to the grocery store and says "Can you get me a a**?"
"A what?!"
"A a**!"
"Oh, you mean a GLASS. Here you go!"

Then he goes to the hardware store and says "Can you get me a f*** it?"
"I'm sorry...a what?"
"A f*** it!"
"Oh, you mean a BUCKET. There you are!"

Finally, he goes the the pet store and says "Can you get me a c**k and spank-it"
"Dude, I REALLY hope you mean Cocker Spaniel."

He gets his dog and leaves the store. However, the dog runs away! He sees and elderly woman next to him and says
"Can you grab my a** and f*** it while I get a hold of my c**k and spank it?"

Answer 8

hope you like all these jokes..........

Fancy Kinky Sex

Man says to wife I fancy kinky sex,
how about I *** in your ear?
Wife says: No I mite go deaf!
Man says: I've been Cumming in your mouth
for 20 years and your still f***en talking!


Next Time

The next time you're having a bad day, imagine this:
You're a Siamese twin.
Your brother, attached at your shoulder, is gay.
You're not.
He has a date coming over today.
But you only have one ***.


Which First

Teacher asks pupil...
which part of body goes to heaven 1st ?
Pupil replies legs Miss,
I've seen my mum wave her legs in the air screaming,
GOD I'm F*%#ING CUMING!


Magic Sex

A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says,
"You want to play 'Magic Sex'?"
She says, "What's that?"
He says, "We go to my house and ****,
And then you disappear”.


What do women and KFC have in common.... ?
once your finished with the legs and the breasts,
you've got a nice greasy box to put your bone in.

Answer 9

man walks into bar and says ''ow'' ....it was made of metal
what u do if a bird shits on your car?dont take her out again
whats monkey and a chainsaw got in common?both **** up trees
guy walkin round market.sees stall selling apples that taste like *****..cool he thinks and promply buys 1 taking a big bite.he spits it out and says''ew that tastes like ****''stallholder says turn it round a bit
how u get 100 americans into a mini?tell them there is oil in there
that enuff?

Answer 10

this is a good website it has loads of jokes and funny picthers on it www.jokebug.com