It was going along so well, hanging out, having fun, messing around, all wothout the hassel of a relationship.
Now she wants more, wants "her and I to ba an us", as she puts it.
I have no intrest in a relationship with this girl, so now I have to break up with someone that I am not even dating.
How should I go about doing it?
Why does she want to change a good thing?
What is the aftermath going to be like?
And yes I know, I am so terrible for leading her on like this. I was only using her for sex, etc... Well so was she, it was defined that this is what it was going from the start BEFORE we started the "benefits". Also need to point out that she was the one to sugegest it.
Was this all a plan of hers to get us into a relationship?
2007-02-23 05:18:06 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If, as you said, this situation was defined at the outset as 2 friends getting together for sex (not dating) then you haven't led anyone on.
Your predicament is a common problem that occurs in fwb relationships...one party or the other may develop feelings beyond the originally stated boundaries.
Just talk to her and tell her you are sorry but you don't reciprocate her feelings, and feel that the "benefits" needs to end since she's developed more of an attachment. Even if she tells you she can handle it and still wants to fool around, I'd advise against it because it's likely she would pursue trying to win your heart and just make things more uncomfortable for you and frustrating and disappointing for her when it doesn't work.
This is the chance we take when we get involved intimately with someone...the heart doesn't always do as its told.
2007-02-23 05:24:24 · answer #1 · answered by . 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Being a girl that was used and put into a situation exactly like that i think that maybe i can help you... IF it was the girls idea to be friends with benefits than she knows the rules right? Friends with benefits means you both have the right to date other people. Because you aren't dating. Well, you have to make it clear to her that you are just friends with benefits nothing more. Go out find someone else that maybe you could start dating, or start hanging with some other girl and flirting and everything like that maybe then she' ll get the clue. The aftermath is going to be difficult because she thought she could trap you at your own game, but she will problem realize that it is her own fault as well. Or in simple turns maybe you are just not a relationship person there are them out there and sometimes you have to be clear i just want the friendship and sex out of you nothing more. Hope i could help. anna
2007-02-23 05:27:57 · answer #2 · answered by Hannah Lynn 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No. This wasn't some elaborate scheme to rope you into a long term relationship. What happened was she bit off more than she could chew. She got into something she thought she could stay emotionally detatched from and she couldn't...especially if she was the one who suggested it.
To answer your questions:
1) Just be honest with her. Tell her you don't want to date her. Be respectful but be deliberate. Leave no doubt in her mind that that's where you stand. Again, don't be rude, or mean, but make sure she gets the message. And DO NOT, call her, email her, text her, leave her a message...do this FACE TO FACE. She deserves the respect of being told face to face and so do you.
2) She got emotionally attached. In most cases sex is much more emotional for women than it is for men. It's that simple.
3) The aftermath may not be good, but she'll get over you eventually. Try to avoid her at all costs. Don't hang around her, don't call her, don't communicate with her, even if you feel sorry for her. This can and will send her mixed messages. And by all means DO NOT get back into the "friends with benefits" game with her NO MATTER WHAT she says...she WILL get attached again and this time, it will be much harder to get out (if indeed that's what you want to do).
Good luck with this. If you want to know exactly what you should say, email me and I'll give you some pointers.
P.S. ...I'm not kidding here...she may slap you, but it's alright. Take it, continue to be honest with her and move on.
2007-02-23 05:31:28 · answer #3 · answered by Eddie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may have hit the nail on the head. Most girls I would say get feelings when they start having sex with a person. Sure it may start out with just sex but just know the next time you get a proposition like this think twice. I think you should just remind her that this was just a sex thing that was her idea. If it can't continue the way it was then maybe you will have to find another friend with benefits.
2007-02-23 05:27:03 · answer #4 · answered by momseekinganswers 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, from a woman's point of view and having been there she probably did just want the sex, but after time some women develop feelings for the guy that are really unintentional. Just sex and leave is one thing, but caressing her face, kissing her cheek, etc. is more than just sex to women. To men, its just part of the sex thing. She got the wrong impression is all. My advice just NEVER call her and NEVER go back for sex. Just make it like you vanished off the face of the earth! After a while, she will move onto someone else.
2007-02-23 05:38:38 · answer #5 · answered by pruittwithkids 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not necessarily. She may have developed feelings for you over the course of time. If you don't want a relationship with her the best thing to do is break it off totally. It will hurt her feelings more for you to keep having the friends w/benefits relationship with her if she wants more, because you have no intention of being more. Think about it.
2007-02-23 05:28:31 · answer #6 · answered by Wendy C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I have a great friend with benefits and he's also one of my closest friends. We have talked a number of times about the lines of our friendship and because of that we have never wanted to be an 'us'. But in most situations one person always gets attached and begins to have feelings for the other. Then the only thing you can do it talk to them and tell them how you feel and what you thought this "friends with benefits" really meant.
2007-02-23 05:25:51 · answer #7 · answered by lizko2 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it was probably her plan to start a relationship. Tell her straight out that you don't see an "us" in the near future, and that if that's what she wants, then she'll have to look elsewhere.
2007-02-23 05:24:19 · answer #8 · answered by Sean J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Women do not have friends with benefits unless they ha feeling for the person. I would say she set you up. Good luck!
2007-02-23 05:27:43 · answer #9 · answered by angie a 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
women may say they want it that way at firt but they start to have feeling. It always happens that way. I am not saying I know about this first hand but I have heard enough to know its true. Its really your choice now
2007-02-23 05:25:47 · answer #10 · answered by cowboybronco01 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋