2007-02-23 04:59:09 · 17 answers · asked by DBA GODZY 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
My mutanic nuclearic lizardic brother, you can wrap yourself in all this so called "armor" of god all you want, but it will do no good unless you're a mormon. Mormons don't need armor of god becuase we have totally hip "technicolor dream coats" that have cool magical powers. These aforementioned magical powers are the only reason donnie osmond and napoleon dynamite are successful. Plus we get to have many hot wives.
Here are some reasons why mormonism pwns christianity
1) The average mormon man has 5 wives that are hot.
The average christain only has one and she is usually as ugly as sin. An average xtian wife also has cottage cheese thunder thighs and a crotch that stink of a combinationof rotten fish, vinergar and roadkill ( I know from expereince of fornicating with my xtian neighbor's wife). mormonism - 1, xtianity - 0.
2) We have cool celebrities like Donnie and Marie Osmond, and the guy who played napoleon dynamite.
Christians have losers like Ted "holy protein guzzler" Faggard, Oral Roberts, Pat "closet homo" Roberts, con fannity, Mann Coulter and other such assorted losers. Score: mormonism - 2, xtianity - 0
3) when a mormon dies, he gets to enter the celestial kingdom.
When a christian dies, he goes to hell. Score: mormonism - 3, xtianity - 0
I could go all day about how mormonship pwns christianity, but after a while it gets boring... kinda like picking on the neighborhood retard.
2007-02-23 21:34:16 · answer #1 · answered by noobsaibot 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Bible is your sword and God gives you the suit of armour you need. Trust in that Read Romans 8, Ephesians 6. Stay in God's word and the state of prayer and I guarantee you, that armor will grow and will cover you completely. God Bless.
2007-02-23 05:15:28 · answer #2 · answered by grandmabonnie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put on God's whole armor [ the armor of heavy-armed soldier which God supplies], that you may be able successfully to stand up against [ all] the strategies and the deceits of the devil.
2007-02-23 05:49:27 · answer #3 · answered by josie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you mean is that you can't find a hat that's big enough, in
a relationship with God, we're really quite small -- plus God IS
the armor and one size fits all.
2007-02-23 05:06:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not looking in the right place. Ask Jesus to help you and your suit will be provided, but only if you are sincere...
2007-02-23 05:07:15 · answer #5 · answered by jesuscuresislam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most important thing is girding up your loins. And all of your loins dammit. Don't go into battle with one loin protected.
For you I would recommend busses. I think a nice teal. You seem like a winter.
2007-02-23 05:02:39 · answer #6 · answered by Laptop Jesus 2.0 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have to lose the weight of sin and disbelief that is preventing you from wearing it.
2007-02-23 05:02:48 · answer #7 · answered by great gig in the sky 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can I wear the scales of the dread fire lizard when you no longer need them?
2007-02-23 05:03:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wrap yourself in lies and deception for that is the armor of God.
Have a nice day!
2007-02-23 05:01:38 · answer #9 · answered by Sherri 2 Kewl 5 · 1⤊ 4⤋
It's just PRETEND armor, Sweetie!=0)
Where's my aluminum foil....
2007-02-23 05:02:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋