I believe my husband left me because of my depression?

Question

I have suffered from depression for a few years now but never that bad. I have very little energy and motivation. I'm sad nearly all the time and don't enjoy my kids as much. My husband left me about a year and a half ago. He said he was unhappy being married and wanted out. He moved back in with me last May but only because he lost his job. I thought things were going good for the time we were back together but he left again. I just got laid off in Januaray and do not have another job even close. He still helps me with money when I need it but my depression worsen after he left. I feel like never getting out of the bed. I've even thought of ending my life. I'm starting to take anitdepressants for it and hope that it will help us regain our marraige. But I think he left me because of my depression. I think there is too much drama that I bring that he doesn't want to deal. Could our marriage be fixable or is it a lost cause?

Answer 1

Sit down and talk to him about it. Ask him did he leave because of the negative vibes. Talk to counsellor, hopefully you can address the root cause of your unhappiness.

Answer 2

This is probably hard to hear but your biggest problem is not your marriage - You need to focus on you and your depression first. I understand that you are more depressed because of your marriage problems but you suffered before your marriage broke up so this is the root problem to be addressed. You should go to your doctors, which you already have, give the pills a chance to work, get a counsellor, surround yourself with some close trusted friends and work on getting yourself back on track and balanced and rebuilding your own life. Maybe in time join some sort of group that will help you regain confidence and a sense of self. I know how hard this sounds but it's important for you to feel good about yourself as a relationship often impacts this and if you feel so bad about yourself if may be affecting the way your husband feels about you and the marriage. I hope the antidepressants help, but you need to take them for you and your kids first. Talk to your husband honestly about why he left and explain the steps you are taking to get well. Tell him you either want his full support or not, you can't have him coming and going at this stage as you need stability and reliability.

Answer 3

Was there an event in your life that started you feeling down? You mention that it began a few years ago. In addition to taking antidepressants, consider going to a counselor or talk to a trusted friend. Try to discover why you are feeling down and ask you husband if he is willing to get help with you. It doesn't have to be the end of your relationship and the fact that he has helped you financially when you have needed it is an indication that he still loves you and cares about you. Also, a quote by Corrie Ten Boone comes to mind, some very prophetic words, "There is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still." As I have read some of the other answers here, you have some friends that are praying for you, and count me in on that as well.

Also, if you start taking some women's supplemental vitamins, like GNC Women's Formula, it will help you have more energy and you can think about making some changes in your life. Do some simple stretching exercises,if you are not able to go to a gym. Or try walking and get a friend to go with you so you have someone to talk to.

Hoping for the best for you.

Answer 4

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/Hh72O

Answer 5

As the husband of a woman with severe depression, I can tell you that it is not easy. However, if he is willing to support you through it, there are things that you can do to make it easier on him:

1) Accept the there will be times when he cannot be there for you: He may be able to help you a lot one day, but unable to help you the next for reasons of his own. Trust him to help you when he can and give him space and freedom when he can't, without making him feel guilty for not being with you.

2) On the days when you have energy, focus much of it on him. There is a huge list of things you want to do on the days you feel good that you had to put off while feeling bad. Put him at the top of that list, and use as much energy as you can to support him.

3) It's a tricky balance between making someone feel like they can help you when you feel bad and making someone feel like they are responsible for making you feel better when you feel bad. The depression is not his fault, though sometimes it's hard not to feel that way. Remind him that you don't think it's his fault and that you appreciate all he can do for you.

4) Educate yourself and him about depression. Remind him and yourself that it is a health condition as real and normal as the measles or a broken leg, not a personality fault. The more you both understand, the better you both will be able to cope.

Good luck and don't give up.

Answer 6

I think you guys need some kind of hope that you aren't getting... Perhaps getting involved in a christian church will help... :-)... I also suffer from depression and am a christian so I dont think just because you " have hope in christ" means you cant have your crappy " i wanna be dead days" days... I started seeing a counseling for our marriage *( my husband ended up quitting our marriage counseling but i still go )* i must say it helps some... I saw a counselor before and swore i would never return and do individual counseling again, but it really has been helpful... The guy i see too isn't deep and emotionally draining... I actually "feel better" when i leave...
good luck to you!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

it is sometimes frustrating to be in a relationship where one partner is constantly depressed. its like having bad weather everyday! but there must be a cause to your depression and its good that you are taking antidepressants.it is obvious that your husband means a lot to you as his leaving made you more depressed. i believe you can fix your marriage. all you need to do is to stick together despite the fact that it may be hard and try to work everything out. you could both work on your depression and have him help you through it. surely there must be something that makes you happy and you could do it with him so that he can see you happy and that you can be happy as well, kind of like the sunshine after the storm! another thing you could do is to talk to each other, you know, about what you mean to each other and about how both of you feel(you can also ask him why he left and try sort it out). this will give you something to hold on to in addition to the kids, who you could also try and do fun stuff with(depending on how old they are).i wish you all the best and i hope that i was of some help.

Answer 8

This is a very hard time for you. You need support from family or church or friends. Don't try to go it alone right now. Things will get better. I know it doesn't seem like it but they will. Be strong. I was divorced at 45 after 18 years and two kids. I was lost for a while. I am a strong person so I did ok but I did lean on family and friends a bit.

Answer 9

I am glad to hear that you are trying medication - you may have to try a few different ones before you find one that works best. There is no shame in taking meds if they help you. Your underlying depression which is a reqal illness, and not just some made up thing, is definitely being aggravated by the situational depression of having marital troubles. Tell you husband to at least give you some time to have your therapy work - at least 6 months before you gives up completely - try to find a marriage counselor and at least explore trying to save things.... Good Luck.

Answer 10

I think, and it is only my opinion, that you should worry about mending yourself first. There are things that are deeply set with you that need addressed before you worry about him. You have kids that need you in their life, and it would be hard for anyone to explain to them, should you decide to try to hurt yourself, what/how/why/ mommy did what she did. Maybe you would do well with a hospitalization to give you that jump start. You could go "voluntary". I think that after you have come out of this depression sticking spot, that you will need to reevaluate who you are and what you want. If after this point, you still love him, then you can pursue him.
Get yourself together for you and the kids. It sounds like he will be around for a while. Just don't let him get in the way of your progression, treatment, or growth.

Answer 11

Save yourself, then save your marriage.

Depression isn't always fatal, but it sure
can make an otherwise wonderful life suck.
Go get help.

As for him, living and support a depressive
is a lot of hard work and an emotional
roller coaster. It basically means that all
of his emotional energy is spent keeping
you on an even keel, and there is none
left for him.

Marriage is supposed to be a two way
street, at least emotionally... Self preservation
would dictate that he might leave.

The easiest solution is to try to get help
from others so that you aren't putting all
of your depression on him - and get help
as soon as you can.