What is a normal sexual frequency for couples?

Question

My wife and I have been happily married for a few years and have a young child. We didn't have sex for most of the pregnancy (8 mos) and almost five months after the baby was born. Although I tried to make her feel sexy, I didn't press the issue during the pregnancy. We finally had sex a few times, but now it's been a month and a half. She now says sex is painful for her, and has seen a doctor, but no cause was found. Although we've talked about finding some middle ground, we can't find something good for both of us, and I'm starting to feel like my needs are taking a backseat. My thought is that if she wanted it but it was painful for me, I would suck it up, every once in a while, or find another way to meet her needs. If anyone has thoughts or advice or similar experience, please share.

A few people have suggested lube, which we use but dryness hasn't been a problem. She also doesn't give oral, (size and gag reflex are problems, she says) which usually doesn't bother me at all, but would be nice right now.

Answer 1

I feel for you honey I know that I have put my poor husband on the back burner too after our baby came. He is now 10 months old and still not sleeping well so i am really exhausted most of the time. But I had the same problem sex was and is still painful. I think you should try using more lubrication it has helped us. i know my poor husband is lucky if he gets sex twice a week but I try and make sure it's at least once a week for him. i am too tired to enjoy it but I do hope it gets better for us like our pre baby days.
One more thing make sure it's not post partem depression causing her not wanting to be intimate. just one more thing to look into sometimes women get it a few months after the baby comes. Good Luck!!!

Answer 2

My mom told me when I got married that I should never turn my husband away unless I had a really good reason. So we've pretty much had sex at least once a week, but it's more like every other day. And we've been married for almost 5 years now. The only time we didn't was right after I delivered each of out three babies, which we waited between 4-6 weeks before resuming. I think your wife has a good reason, which needs to be figured out. Whether she needs to go see another doctor for a second opinion or go see some kind of pyschologist because it may be an emotional problem. Have you tried using any kind of lubricant, if she's breastfeeding it may just be that she's too dry (which is a side effect). I have found that after my third that it has been more painful, so we just have to figure out what position isn't. She needs to be more sympathetic to your needs. And there's no reason why you couldn't have had sex during pregnancy unless she was high risk. Good luck to you!

Answer 3

I think this is a common thing that's experienced with couples that have young children at home. It's tough for you to sympathize with wife because you just can't know what she's gone through physically and mentally having children. At the same time you have your wants and needs and are feeling left out, which is something that shouldn't be ignored either.

Please just realize that a lot of women have a real tough time feeling sexy when their body's have gone through this dramatic change, and they're tired all of the time. All the encouragement in the world won't change the fact that she's not feeling good about herself right now. And also know that this doesn't usually stay like this forever. Some time and patience should see your sex life improving (and the offer to cook, clean and look after the kids once in a while will really help you out - trust me!).

In the meantime, could you satisfy yourself to give wife a break? I know it's not the same, but easing the pressure off of her might help the situation too.
Hang in there.

Answer 4

i had a similar exp when i was preg last month i found out i was having an eptopic pregnancy and when i lost the baby it was real painful to have intercourse do to the sensitivity i went and talked to my doctor she told me that there were some opts i eventually just sucked it up but one sugg was oral sex for your wife it will help losen her up and be less painfull and it helps the fact that by the time you start having sex she wants it and the pain goes away so there is helpful things also check out this website WWW.REALSAVVYMOMS.COM you can ask a sex doctor for helpful hints i go there all the time for advise hope all works out i know that tension is bad and makes things real rough for a couple good luck

Answer 5

I can totally relate. My husband is rather large and I was in pain for a long time after I gave birth. I would have sex with him cause I wanted to but it usually ended with me in tears. All I can say is that all of a sudden it didn't hurt anymore. I guess I got used to it and now its better than ever and I want it more than he does sometimes. It's still difficult to have sex all the time with the little one but we try for a couple times a week. that seems normal to me with our hectic lives.

Good luck and just give it more time. I know that seems hard cause you want to be with your wife but just let her come to you. Maybe try a vibrator or toy to get her in the mood or maybe it will help with the pain when you slip in.

Answer 6

well it is common for women to experience some pain after having a child, did you try using some type of lubrication that can help a lot with discomfort she may experience. You really need to talk to her and see if you guys can work out something

Answer 7

Get over yourself!! Maybe you should just suck it up because you aren't getting sex!!

Meet Rosie Palmer and her 5 sisters (your hand!)

The fact that you don't care that having sex with your wife hurts but still think she should do it proves that you are an ***!

Answer 8

Yes she should suck it up. She should also find out what the heck is going on with her. I've sucked it up for my husband when I was that time of the month, but it was what he wanted.