I am at odds with my daughter, who has a 9 year old son, whom since 7 was put on Methylphenidate,?

Question

it is not just the drugs I disagree with but her lack on parenting skills, I made a visit over to her house , she was still in bed at 10:30 am, and the child had not eaten breakfast. Any way ever since that she has gotten very angry with me. Now has decided that I can no longer see my grandson. Any ideas on how to smooth the ruffled feathers, of my daughter?

Answer 1

First I have to say ewe to the Methylphenidate. Second, have you thought that maybe she's on drugs? Sounds like it. Sleeping late, defensive, moody.

You have rights as the grandparent. You can enforce that if you choose.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methylphenidate

Answer 2

Whether you agree with your daughter's choice for medical treatment of your grandson or not does not matter - it is not your decision to make, it is hers. I am fairly certain that had your mother criticized your parenting of your daughter when your daughter was 9 you would have become defensive also.

Basically, the same thing goes for how your daughter runs her household schedule, cleaning, groceries, etc. etc. etc. This is her life, she is an adult. Your daughter does not require your permission or approval to live her life as she chooses. You can approve or disapprove all you want, but your feelings are your problem, not hers.

That said, I understand that you are still her mother, and you are still grandmother to your grandson. Some supportiveness without any judgemental comments or suggestions on how your daughter can "improve" or "change" her life would probably help to smooth the waters.

Dealing with your adult child is no different than dealing with any person you meet anywhere - she deserves respect and the right to make her own choices. You can still be polite and supportive no matter what your personal beliefs about her choices are. If you do not force your childrearing/home keeping opinions on the stranger in sweats with the noisy kid at the supermarket checkout line, should you not show your beloved daughter at least the same degree of consideration, if not more?

Enjoy your grandson without trying to change his life. Enjoy your daughter without trying to run hers.

Answer 3

Have you talked to your family doctor to find out anything you can about Methylphenidate? Is your grandson supposed to eat at regular intervals, or before taking the medicine and at what time and how often does he take it? If you suspect that your daughter is not properly taking care of your grandson you can do two things (1) call the Division of Youth and Family Services to report an anonymous neglect or (2) Ask your daughters forgiveness and try to offer your assistance in caring for him (have him over for sleepovers, take him out to dinner for a grandma and grandson day, out to the movies or the park on weekends; or (3) do both of the above. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

Sounds like you may have criticized a little to often! How do you know her son hadn`t eaten? A 9yr. old can get his own cereal or a pop tart. My dau. was helping herself even younger. There`s nothing wrong with it. NOW, we have also used concerta for ADHD with wonderful results. Don`t criticize that either. Some kids can`t function without it. Back off MOM! Offer your help, not criticism.

Answer 5

You are not the one who caused the problem so why are you trying to find ways to make HER seem right. My daughter has used my grandchildren as weapons to run me before and I stopped that problem real quick. If she says you can't see her child then don't see him. If you feel she is not caring for him properly then you report her to DCF. Your grandchilds well being should be more important than you being concerned whether or not your daughter "speaks" to you. If you are not willing to put your foot down and do what's necessary to ensure his well being then back off and let your daughter continue her destructive behavior and cause your grandchild to suffer.