Im with and older man?

Question

I'm 20 and he is 45, i was a single full time mum, and he was a single business man, we met, fell in love, moved in together, he is great with my son, and is good to me, he doesnt talk much about the past he was never a 1 woman man, i worry he doesnt make as much effort with me as old boyfriends did, i know he loves me, all his freinds and family always tell me how happy i make him, which feels good but how do i get him to tell me this?

I think i do wear my heart on my sleeve but i am cancerian, i have a 2 year old so settling down is what i want, i do the whole house wife thing, i am a great cook, the sex is fab, but something is still missing even if i except that he doesnt like to express his feeling verbally?

Like i said he was a bit of a player in the past but its not his past that bothers me, i'v got one of those too. Its the now part but i think you lot may have helped me with that, but something is still missing? I'd just like to say to have a successful relationship you need to work for it.

Answer 1

Concentrate on the future instead.

Answer 2

It's likely he may tell you...eventually, that you make him happy. But he still won't make as much of an effort to please you as you want him to. It's not that he doesn't want to, it's because he is already set in his ways. When an older man finds a younger woman to settle down with, he expects her to find his experience a comfort and that is probably what attracted you. He can tell you all about the way he "used" to be. But that isn't how he is. He learned from all that, and will expect you to conform to him. So, if you still want to party and have fun...you might want to consider your options. It's hard to make a relationship work when the age difference is so great. Unless he is young at heart. Most older men seem to want a woman who will cook and clean and so on. Not a trophy wife who wants to go out and play. Ask him what he expects from your relationship, then tell him what you want. Be firm, but open-minded. If it's meant to be, I'm sure you will hear what you want to hear.

Answer 3

First of all, it is great that you two are getting along so well. I am glad for you and your home-life sounds like a dream come true. But my question is, how can you be in love with someone you only know to a certain percentage. Loving someone means knowing all the good and the bad and still being crazy for them. I got HPV and I could have lied to my bf that we had an std. But I knew that if he loved me he would understand and we would get through this. If our love was artificial, he would leave me and I would know what a lie we had been.
So first you need to ask if maybe you guys moved too fast into this thing. If not, than you should calmly let him know his evasivness is bothering you since u love him and as his g/f you want to know about him and accept the good as well as the bad, AND that in him not telling you, makes you feel suspicious that he is hiding something from you. AND let him know you are willing to give him time to open up (if shyness or fear is his issue) but that you want to know about him more and will not feel fully at peace until you two can open up about your past life. If he gives you a guilt trip, gets angry with you, or acts like a jerk, THAN BEWARE!
HE IS HIDING SOMETHING AND IT IS SOMETHING BIG.
You should at least go get tested for ALL stds to rule out any secret diseases he might have had (He is a 45 yr old who you claim was a happy happy bachelor before you. That's a lot of time for a lot of coochie that was not yours!)
If you come out clean, then at least you know his secrets are not life threatening to your health and ability to be a mother.
LASTLY, if after a month from your talk he is still not opening up, I would do a backround check on him. It might seem shady, but honey why would a mature 45 yr old man who claims to love u not be able to tell u where he has come from? What if he is a man on the run, or a child molester in hiding? U NEED TO KNOW AND THAT IS THE BOTTOM LINE. He should know you love him enough to take the truth. And if you do not love him enough to handle what he might say, than maybe you two really are not as in love as you think.

Oh, and if you think he is not putting enough effort as past bf, try to go out of your way to do something romantic and see if he appreciates it and tries to do something back for you. OR mention a "friend" who has this "awesome" bf who did this, thiis, and this, (the things you want from him) and how lucky she is. Say it casually but let it be known you admire her bf. He should be wise enough to take the cue to be more like your "friend's" bf.

Answer 4

hes a man and no matter what age a man is, they always have a hard time showing they emotions to the one person that matters the most. just live ur daily life. if u know he loves u then whats the big deal? bc he doesnt tell u hes happy something wrong? everything is fine. the only time guys really suck up is when they r being players. aka assholes. he shouldnt have to work as much if u really love him.

Answer 5

His past is his own business and what matters is the here and now. If you are in a relationship with him and you love each other then there shouldn't be any need to worry. You will push him away if you keep on at him - leave it be

Answer 6

You should let him know that hearing about his past makes you insecure sometimes and that you never want to lose him and that you love him with everything you've got. I understand how you feel when you want to hear it from him. I was in the same situation and all I did was let him know that I needed to hear it every once in a while and he's made an attempt to let me know how he feels. Good luck.

Answer 7

The age difference is the same between me and my man.....

I know it's easier said than done, but if you love him, and if you think that he loves you too, then there shouldn't be any reason for you not to just come out and say... "honey, do i make you happy?" or something like that

Answer 8

You need to ask yourself what you would like to have from this relationship. A special bond between him and your son or a family life for both of you and your son. If you are concerned about his past, you should bring it up to him. He needs to give you an honest answer.

Good luck!

Answer 9

He will tell you when he is ready if you push him you will just drive him away. I work with older guys and they all have younger girlfriends and they are always talking about how needy girls are, just know that he is crazy about you, you don't need to hear it all the time, think how annoying it would be!

Answer 10

This is where your age difference is gonna rear it's ugly head. He is comfortable and assumes that you know that. You are over analyzing and are probably telling yourself he is uncomfortable. Baby, just relax. It will be what it will be. Don't analyze everything to death. Enjoy your relationship, don't sabotage it with doubt. Best of luck

Answer 11

Tell him how much he means to you over a romantic dinner you made for him. Also, judge by his actions, not his words. Most men aren't very verbal about this kind of thing.