Why does a person stay in a relationship with a jerk, hoping that the other person will change? To use a cliche expression: There are plenty of fish in the sea. Why don't they just find someone decent to be with?
2007-02-23 03:37:03 · 6 answers · asked by Shawn 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
...expecting someone to change is simply ridiculous. Hoping someone will change is sometimes worth thinking about,...but never ever conclude that it will ever actually happen. Moving on from a bad relationship can and is difficult for alot of people. Change can sometimes be uncomfortable for a few folks. That doesn't make them bad people though. It would be manipulative abusive behavior to try to change anyone really. People need to learn to change all on their own....and sometimes it's the other person that really needs to change. People resist change...it scares them half to death. They get a little bit content in what they're doing,...and it creates a comfort zone for them. I say don't ever try to change anyone. You'll just end up frustrating yourself with your own huge expectations if you do. Who made you God anyways? It'll only cause mischief and bad feelings of resentment. Accept people for who and what they are. Everyone would get along better if we did. There certainly are plenty of fish out there. Some of us only want one fish though. It might be you. Try not to obsess about it. You can only lead the horse to the water. Try not to kick the horse in the process. The horse might kick back.
2007-02-23 04:27:38 · answer #1 · answered by scott s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to argue with the negative people out there but...
I too was in this situation. I was in love with a woman who thought I would never change. I just couldn't get there fast enough. Even though I went through extensive counceling and made some very big changes in my life, she just couldn't get over it. I am not blaming her...I was the jerk! Controlling, possesive and insecure. Many things in my life contributed to my condition and my lack of emotional control. However, if she had just waited a few more months she would have seen dramatic changes that in my perspective would have made our relationship work. I wnt to also point out the fact that due to my human nature...it took her leaving for me to take it seriously...sad but true. Sometimes that is what it takes.
I do want to clarify however, that if the person is not willing to get the professional help to change and really take a good hard look at why they are the way they are, they WILL NOT change. Change takes time and most of all WORK. It has to start with the person in the mirror. Life dishes out some pretty harsh treatment to us and some have difficulty making changes but it is up to us to make the choice to change. People can change!
The one thing I learned through losing the one woman that I ever loved is that I should have started when she spoke up. I thought I was doing good but it was not good enough or fast enough. She tried to tell me but I am not so quick on the uptake. If I could give you the strongest advice possible...Tell them, and if they are willing to get help and work, be patient. Sometimes its worth it.
I still cant just move on. I am still in love with her. There is not a moment of time that I dont think about her and the incredibly stupid things I said and did. If I could change time, I would go back and do things much differently. I also dont think it would be fair to me, her or anyone else for that matter to just move on. In my opinion it would de-value the love that I have for her. Some of us just cant get over things that quickly. It has been months for me and I am a guy!
2007-02-23 16:04:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Or my situation... where someone can't let go.
I was in a "wrong" relationship, hoping he would change. He didn't, and I left, and now, 3 1/2 months later, he's still not letting go.
If it's not right, it's not right... move on, no big deal, but don't waste peoples time, or worse yet, your own time, hanging on to something that's not going to be healthy.
I think some people are hooked on Drama... they aren't happy unless there is chaos. I don't get it, but a lot of people seem to be that way.
Then there's just plain fear. Some people are afraid to let go because they would rather be in an unhealthy situation than alone... sad, but true.
2007-02-23 11:43:14 · answer #3 · answered by my-kids-mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ever been in love before? ever cared about someone to the point to where it feels like you can't go on with out them? love is blind, this is true. Most people don't like change either. I've seen people that don't have a problem moving on. It just depends on how strong you are, or maybe how much you don't care about the other person, or how much you care about yourself. hmmm....
2007-02-23 11:43:27 · answer #4 · answered by aphotic nostrum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i just got out of a relationship like that and i was in that relationship because he was very nice to me most of the time but then sometimes he was a jurk and most other people just saw him as a jerk...they didnt see what i saw..
2007-02-23 11:49:16 · answer #5 · answered by ME:> 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people dont know any better.
people dont like change.
people are disfunctional and are attracted to disfunction person.
we all make mistakes in relationships, but learning from your mistakes is the key to seeking a person of better quality.
2007-02-23 11:42:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋