How do people handle their toddlers temper tantrums?

Question

My son is 3 and has terrible tantrums when he doesn't get his own way. We just had one that that lasted 1 hour 40 minutes. I need more ideas.........Thanks.

Answer 1

Generally speaking, children throw temper tantrums because at one time it worked to get them what they wanted. Depending on the situation and the setting, the very best thing to do for a temper tantrum is ignore it and the child and continue on with your business. Keep the child safe as best as possible. Some children will bang their heads on the floor so put a pillow under their head. They may hold their breath, let them. If they pass out (which is rare), then they'll start breathing naturally again. They will hit you and throw things, so put them in another room. If he breaks his toys, throw them away and don't replace them. Take advantage of his small size now and physically put him where he is safe and let him have his tantrum. If you are in a public place, be prepared to excuse yourself and leave the room or the building if necessary. If possible, go outside so he can throw his fit in the grass or the snow (depending where you live!). You may have to put him in the car. You may even have to go home if it gets bad enough. Parents just want the tantrum to STOP so they do whatever it takes. In the long run, it is better to wait it out. This is a battle of wills between you and your child and you MUST win this or it will get much worse as he gets older. Don't try to reason with him or beg or plead or promise him something special if he stops. Some tantrums are born out of frustration, hunger, or being overly tired. If these are triggers for your son, plan ahead for situations that may cause a tantrum. Mean what you say and say what you mean. Say things like, "You may not have a cookie before dinner." instead of a more open-ended "No cookies before dinner, OK?" The second you ask any kind of question you open it up for discussion. If a situation is not open for discussion do not end your statements with "OK?" or say something like, "You don't want to spoil your dinner with a cookie, do you?" A strong-willed child is most prone to temper tantrums. So, in the process of ignoring a temper tantrum (no matter how long it takes), if you give in even once to him, he will continue to do them longer and harder the next time. When the tantrum is finished, have some snuggle time with him when he is ready. Tantrums are exhausting for both child and parent. Talk about how much you love him and how he needs to listen to you. Be sweet and simple, but tell him that we don't always get what we want. He can throw a tantrum if he wants, that is his choice, but it will not work to get what he wants. If you are firm and consistent and never give in, he will stop throwing temper tantrums. It's hard, but be patient, it will work, but it may take time.

Answer 2

I think you first need to figure out why he is throwing tantrums. Does he have any reason to be so angry? Any new changes in his life (move, new school, new sibling, family issues or stress)? If there are any changes, give him a little more love and support when he is having a tantrum.

Children throw tantrums when they are not getting their needs met. If they are not throwing a tantrum because they are ill, hungry, or tired, they will throw a tantrum because it feels powerful, they get attention for it, they are testing limits, or they are simply feeling frustrated. Try and get a head start on meeting his needs if he if throwing tantrums for these reasons.

Avoid punishing or threatening him. When he throws a tantrum, do the unexpected. Either walk away from him and ignore the tantrum or move him to a quiet place away from you and say “When you are ready to calm down then you can come back with me.” Say nothing more than that. This is not a time out because you are not setting a time limit (you controlling him). He returns when he is ready to control himself. You may have to return him to the designated spot before he gets the message. Just do so gently without any words.

Empathize with him when he has calmed down. “I can tell you were feeling very (mad, sad, angry, upset, hurt, sad, frustrated). What should we do about that?” Do some problem solving and give him words to use. He will then learn to better express himself rather than throw a tantrum.

If you believe he is feeling powerless, help him to feel powerful by saying thing like “Look how fast you can run! You did that by yourself! You stacked every block! You used so many colors on you picture!” These are intrinsic motivators rather than extrinsic rewards ("Good job," stickers, candy).These phrases are great ways to help your son feel powerful, gain confidence, and ways for you to show attention in a positive way.

Set limits, follow through, and offer choices, not chances. Pick you battles! You can say “Do you want to do that by yourself or do you want some help?” "No" should mean "No" the first time you say it. Say "Yes" as much as possible. Be patient and consistent. Hope this helps!

Answer 3

Okay, your son wants attention. It may seem he's having the tantrums because he wants what you just told him he couldn't have or whatever the case may be, but really, the tantrums are because he wants attention. Negative attention, to a child, is better than no attention. So, I would ignore him. Don't speak to him, don't even look at him. Walk away, out of his sight, if possible. He'll eventually forget why even was even throwing a tantrum in the first place, get bored with it, and stop. Then he'll more than likely go play, or do whatever he was supposed to be doing. Ignoring is hard, I know, but it's your best bet.

Answer 4

My youngest daughter is known for her long, long tantrums. I put her in her bed and let her yell, scream, and cry. As I put her in her bed I tell her that she can only come out when she is ready to be happy. Then I do my best to ignore her. I do keep an ear out for potentially dangerous sounds. Now she is 5 and is out-growing the tantrums. It's not easy to withstand them, but she is a happy well-adjusted child now. We are down to maybe 2 or 3 of these tantrums a month compared to 10 or so a week. Good luck!

Answer 5

Oh those are the worst, you have my sympathies. I have a few suggestions that really worked with my kids.

1. Don't take the kid anywhere when you know he will be tired or hungry and you can't do anything about it. That's common sense but takes a little finesse right?

2. Tell the kid who is working himself up that he has 15 seconds to cry about whatever it is that is making him angry. Count down slowly and he will feel ridiculous forcing himself to cry because you are giving him permission. (This works better on older kids).

3. Kids who are out of control need a time out. DOn't talk to him or anything. Put him in his naughty corner and accept the fact that he will kick and scream all over the floor while you fold laundry. Tell him he can get out when he's ready to give you a hug and listen to a story. (BIG INCENTIVE FOR HIM TO SHUT UP) Wait till he takes a breath to let him know when he's quiet he can have a story in your lap.

4. Never ever spank a kid who is having a tantrum, it NEVER works. I have sunk to such lows and it had regrettable outcomes.

Tantrums that last 1 hour 40 minutes are your fault, sadly. Your kid is punishing you for not letting him have the (whatever) by screaming and wallowing and kicking. You plead with him, try talking to him, yell at him, hold him down, and he retaliates by screaming more. Sound familiar? Or worse, you shut him in his room and won't listen to him and he feels disenfranchised and unimportant and screams for over an hour.

Three year olds understand the idea of a bargain. You want him to stop screaming and he wants to stop screaming but it is a power struggle. Let him "win" by giving him an alternative that is acceptable to you both.

"Sorry Johnny, you cannot have a candy bar but When You Stop Screaming I will hold you in my lap, and you can have a piece of cheese and we will read a book. Sounds nice, huh?"

(Johnny continues to wail "but I want a candy bar")

"Just let me know when you want that book. I can't wait to read it to you"

You are still in charge, you are calm and he now has an incentive to stop the nonsense.

Answer 6

You will be sorry you asked this one. Ok. Here goes.
When my kids were small if they didn't get their way they tried throwing their fits. I would tell them you have a choice. Stop flipping out or get spanked. The choice was theirs. Not mine. I made it perfectly clear. When you give a child a choice they learn that they can be in control. You just have to make sure that the choices are like what I call a squeeze play. Both options have to benefit YOU. NOT THE KID. He's the one acting up. Squeeze play is stop, which is what you want, or smack, which is not really what you want but if he won't stop then he will stop with a consequence. Children that throw fits usually get their ways. And it gets worse and worse. I also introduced a wooden spoon. Funny thing about this. You get them once or twice and you really don't need it again. You instill the fear in them and then all they need to do is SEE the spoon and they chill out. It's great. My kids didn't get smacked cause of it. Once in a blue moon would they get it. It really works. If you don't instill fear of something AND the fact that YOU are in control, not them, then you are in for a lifetime of trouble. And as far as laws go for spanking? The pediatrician told me that the buttocks is yours. It's well padded and there to be used. I brought up 2 boys. And let me tell you. They are every part of boy. But I didn't really have any major problems with them. Good luck. Stand firm. And make sure you follow thru. If you give in then they will sense that you are a push over. Watch Nanny 911. While you may laugh at it, it really does have some great pointers. Not everybody agrees with spanking. This show shows you how to do the reward system. I personally didn't really go for that. But it may work for you.

Answer 7

The most important thing is not give in. The time will decrease and when he realizes he's not getting what he wants and that his tantrum is no longer effective he'll stop. It takes patience!! I always get down on my knees to my daughters level and talk very lightly to her and explain to her why she is not getting what she wants. I don't know if she hears me while screaming but I talk anyway. Good luck and just don't give in!!

Answer 8

At 15 months, you're coping with it in simple terms the way I did whilst my son replaced into that age. they are too youthful to comprehend time-outs so there incredibly isn't the different determination yet to enable the tantrum run its direction. My son replaced into an early talker, so he accompanied instructions incredibly properly at an early age. At around 19 months i began doing "in the nook" whilst he acted up. I in simple terms use "in the nook" for incredibly undesirable tantrums, or remoted incidents the place he ought to have widely used extra effectual. I positioned him in a chosen "nook" in the front room and he has to stay there till I say he can come out. generally in simple terms a minute or 2, or till the tantrum quiets down. Then I make him come over to me, I kneel all the way down to his point and ask him why he had to flow in the nook. Then I clarify what he ought to have performed incredibly of doing in spite of undesirable concern he did. Then we hug and all is forgiven. My son is quiet and calm. yet he could be very confusing and moody at cases. each in specific situations I problem that i'm doing some thing incorrect, or that I must be doing this or that. My husband does too. We communicate approximately our parenting each and all of the time. we strive and shop trouble-free and supply eachother "pep" talks. lol this is incredibly the only thank you to vent frustration! (That, and have a tumbler of wine after the youngster is going to mattress at evening!! lol)

Answer 9

yes the 3 yrs old stage, hard one for us mums. I would just say ignore him for a short time as long as he has nothing lying around the floor he can hurt himself with. then when you see he kind of calmed down a bit . just oh mummy going to the park won´t to come or think of something he like´s doing .and do it . or put one of his favorite videos on and sit and watch it yourself. it´s normal for them to do this at this age . but the more you pay attention to him the more he´ll scream the house down. It´s harder for us to put up with it , but he´ll get fed up . and when he see your not worried about his tantrums he´l stop. I once so a clip video. about a 3yr old doing this . he went be hide is parents screaming and crying they just walked away . and when he could´t see them he stopped crying got up to find them lay down and started is tantrum again that was funny . I saw this on www.boreme.com. section crying baby.see if you can look it up you´ll laugh too another thing I did with my kid´s was , Picked them up sat them on the couch and said now sit there till I tell you to move . and when you finish crying I might let you off . that one worked as well

Answer 10

My son is two and also has horrible tantrums I know it's hard but his therapist tells me to ignore him. Even when you are giving them negative attention (such as telling them no) it is still attention and half the time that is all they want. Hope everything works out!!!!