I have a fmily member, my mother's brother, who is homosexual with many mental problems (I am not exactly sure of his diagnosis). He has been know to say very cruel things, make some scary threats, and is very prejudice. He lives in the house with my mother and grandmother.
Upon prior visits I had to step in and shut him up or stop him before he says any more harmful things to my children; mostly to hurt me. He is very unstable and I never left my children unattended in his pressence. It has gotten so bad where he does not want me in the house and I will not visit my own mother and grandmother in their own home any more.
My mother wants my children to visit for the summer (all boys). She will be at work throughout the day and grandmother rests a lot. (my sons are old enough to care for themselves and eachother)
My question is do I allow them to go without me? I live across the country so it's not like I can easily jump in the car and go get them if need be.
2007-02-23 03:01:52 · 18 answers · asked by SoySrtaBonita 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
my mother is very protective of him and will not stand up to him in fear of his threats
please help with some honest advice, because I feel I am depriving a relationship between my sons and their grandma and great grandma
2007-02-23 03:05:44 · update #1
he's mexican and racist against blacks. me and my children are black and mexican
2007-02-23 03:09:50 · update #2
If I was in your shoes, I would let my mother know that if she can take a week off of work and be with her grandchildren, they could stay a week. Also if she was unable to take time off from work, I would let my mother know that I refuse to allow my children to be alone with her brother because it's not a safe environment and I'm uncomfortable with this option. She would either get upset or make other arrangements.
You would still give your mother the freedom of spending time with her grandchildren, with your specific requirements. If she cannot see your side of this issue and will not make room for accommodations, this is her problem and she would have to wait until her grandchildren were adults to see them, or go to them. You are their parent and you have the legal right to keep them safe and comfortable.
I personally would be very uncomfortable letting my children go there if I refuse to go over there myself. Children need to be protected. If I was not welcomed some place, I would not allow my children to go there either. But it doesn't mean other arrangements cannot be made!
2007-02-23 04:55:29 · answer #1 · answered by Erica, AKA Stretch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO!! Do NOT take any chances! I konw you feel like you are depriving them of a relationship with their grandma and great grandma - and while that is wrong, in THIS case you need to understand that if your children stay with them, they will be hurt emotionally - which will effect their lives in a big way later.
Your mothers brother is not mentally unstable, and is dangerous - perhaps your mother should consider letting him stay in a carehouse - that would a LOT easier for your grandma n ma.
2007-02-23 03:42:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Due to the nature of his disorder, no I would not send the children. Nothing to do with his sexual preferences, just due to the stability of his mind. Sounds like he is a scitzo. You need to ask your mom and grandma to come to you to visit the children. Maybe it's time your mom took a break away from work and this situation anyway. It would not be rude to tell her of your concerns and that you are not willing to put your children under any unnecessary mental abuse. Hope your mom and grandma can find some way to get peace in their household soon.
2007-02-23 03:11:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about a compromise, you over your mom a trip out to see you and your children that way you get to see your mom and she gets to see the grandchildren. Family's with a person with a mental disorders are often strained because of the illness, do not let this come between you and your mom. Offer to meet her half way, explain that you feel that your Uncles behavior is not for your children to see or hear.
By all means DO NOT let them go and get picked on by him...even though he is with an illness it is no excuse to pick on young children.
2007-02-23 03:43:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, thats a tough one. I would maybe ask your boys what they want to do, if this man has EVER had any incidents of child molestation or even if it has ever been mentioned or brought up in a conversation, or even if you have a "gut feeling" though DO NOT LET THEM GO. And you need to keep in mind that whatever this man say while your children are there, they will pick up on and may not know what to beleive. I would definitely give this situation ALOT of thinking. Good luck to you!
2007-02-23 03:08:27 · answer #5 · answered by ♥shannon c♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Clarie, not at all run from someone to someone ..... It takes time to heal .... yet you had an excellent guy effect you, your thoughts and also you believe you studied the way it is going to probable be performed .... Do you presently comprehend the way you want a guy to address you .... the way you want to be respected? Then the middle soreness became worth it ..... you discovered ..... no that you've a progression .....a theory so for you to communicate ... you could go searching you once you meet human beings to make sure how individuals degree up ... by the years your perspectives and needs & needs would substitute .... yet you've own expertise of this guy to assessment & evaluate to others alongside your life route .... someone who's extra appropriate acceptable for you (closer in age) will come alongside ..... i pitty the fool ... he has great shoes to fill ..... yet I wager he will imagine your worth it. in the journey that your in college ... try the counsilor for a referal on who to communicate with, there would nicely be peer counsiling communities too, the Church can help ..... very last shot get the moms and dads to study the medical reward .... yet your acceptable shot the following ... is time and assembly new human beings. reliable success
2016-12-04 20:27:43 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is unpredictable and until something is done about it/he's out of the picture, then no way, do not allow your boys to go without you. Aside from the obvious reasons, you'd also be a wreck the entire time. Forget it.
Your mother will have to come visit you and her grandkids. Just the way it is. No compromise when it comes to their safety!!!
2007-02-23 03:18:43 · answer #7 · answered by Maudie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not, under any circumstances, allow them to go. It sounds as though he has a thing for domination, and the boys would be a tempting target for him. I would apologise to my mother and explain that, due to your uncles unpredictable behavior and your past experience with him, you do not feel it would be safe for your children to be there. Possible your Mother and Grandmother could visit you for a week?
2007-02-23 03:15:05 · answer #8 · answered by Randy W 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if you mothers brother is like that i think it is that he has to go to a home sorry to say that. i am not really sure you mom want tos see you kids but you can not trust there uncle then try to make it where he is not there and your mom dose not have to worrie if the boys are going to be hurt ot not i do not like saying that i am sorry i do not want you made. this what i think ur mom should do is call some home for her brother and get him some help as soon as she can becuase if she dose not it could get worse i am sorry again.
2007-02-23 03:24:33 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not doing anything wrong. If you mom was so protective of your children she would not allow that psycho talk to them or you in that type of matter. You need to protect your children, I feel if you let them go, you are making a terrible mistake. If grandma wants to see them, allow her to come to your home.
2007-02-23 03:09:55 · answer #10 · answered by buzyb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋