Borrowing Money from sister. I feel like a big irresponsible jerk.?

Question

My sister and brother in law make a LOT of money and are very well off. I don't and I am a single mother to a 2 year old. In 2005 my sister let me use their Jeep. Since I was on my own and had my son to take care of all on my own (my ex has skipped out on child support and won't pay) I couldn't afford to pay for it and said I would when I got my taxes back in 06, I never did, I was struggling to keep up with my bills. In June of 06 she took the Jeep back. It just sat in her garage, they have 3 other cars. I ended up havin a lot of problems because of it, but I wasn't mad. Then in October she let me have it back as long as I paid with my 07 taxes. I was supposed to give her 2000, I gave her $350. I didn't get as much as I thought I would. She has decided to let me have it. But she is MAD. I understand why, I feel bad. I don't have the money. I know it's not her job to take care of me,but I always help other people out in any way I can, I believe people should help others. thoughts?

Thanks for all the great answers, and yes some people in our family use them as an ATM. My other sister has borrowed over 10,000 and never paid her back, yet my sister isn't mad at her at all. Just feels let down about it, I know, she told me about it. Every other time I've borrowed money back I've paid back every penny in a timely fashion. This is the only time I've flaked out on her.

I do have a support order agaisnt my ex. He owes well over 10,000 in back support. I call the local support office all the time and they say there is nothing they can do. Every time they find him, he moves and changes jobs. It's crazy. He got remarried while I was 5 months pregnant to our next door neighbor. I've had some crummy luck lately, but I'm trying to turn things around

Answer 1

There's a saying that you should never borrow from family. Money can cause a lot of emotional pressure and problems that can be hard to resolve.

Is there anything you can do for them regularly so it seems like you're really trying hard to make things fair? (Babysitting if they have a child, inviting them over and cooking them dinner, helping with yard work...?)

Alternatively, can you put aside a small amount of money every month to give them until you've paid them back completely? Even if it's a very small amount, if they receive it regularly they will probably appreciate the effort, and your sister might be less mad.

Or if you could find a less expensive vehicle to buy, you could give back the Jeep?

I personally believe that you should never lend out anything you need to get back, so if your sister can't afford to let you have the Jeep, knowing there's a chance you won't be able to pay it back, she shouldn't have given it to you in the first place. Having debt is one thing, but having debt to family? It can be a very hard thing to work out.

I understand the sentiment that people should help out where they can, but asking for help is different from offering it. I hope you find a way to make your sister feel like things are fair between you. Good luck!

Answer 2

First things first: You should take the father of your child to court to get the child support you are owed. He won't have a choice in the matter then, it'll just be garnished from his paycheck.

As for your sister, I understand how you feel, especially since your sister is so well off, at least according to you. But probably part of the reason they STAY well off is that they know when to help and when to let others fend for themselves. Why not spend a little more time trying to find a better paying job or finding ways to make extra cash on the side? Sit down with your budget and see if there are any areas where you could cut back. You might even ask your sister to help you with this part--which would include working out a payment plan with her for the money you owe her. If she sees that you are really trying to be financially responsible and taking care of yourself and your child, she might be more inclined to help. Even when someone has a lot, they don't want to feel used or unappreciated. Let her know that you're serious about getting your act together.

Answer 3

Sounds like you lost a good opportunity with this guy. Now you might want to start being honest with your husband and tell him about borrowing the money. Hiding things from your husband isn't a good way to start a marriage, much less repair one that's been damaged. Maybe together you can give him a money order for the whole $1,600. Maybe he won't rip that up. If your husband finds out about the debt by surprise, guess what? No more marriage, and he probably won't take you back again. And this guy won't risk getting his heart broken again, either. Since you borrowed the money in Dec, you should have started paying him back in Jan, and not let it go for six months. He maybe saw you sending that check as a slap in his face. But you and your husband present him with a $1,600 money order. No checks. He may not believe you have it in your account. He may have made his money a gift, since he didn't figure you'd pay him back, but since you apparently told him you wouldn't accept that, he expected payment, and after two more months of not getting paid back(a total of 8 months now), he probably told you you took advantage of him because maybe he was telling you he wasn't going to be a doormat anymore. And him sending back that check either said he wanted nothing more to do with you, or he didn't believe your check was good. So present him with a money order, face to face, both you and your husband, with big time apologies. I am curious why you still had contact with him even after you chose to get back with your husband. I'm thinking there's more going on here than meets the eye, at least for those of us reading this.

Answer 4

After I read your question, I am even more thankful for my family. Last year I lost my job and I also am a single parent of 2 grown boys, and 3 younger ones. If it weren't for my well-to-do brothers, I would have lost my house and everything. When I told my brothers I got my taxes back and I would be sending them some money...one said "keep it, and use it for mortgage payments" ...the other one said "I'll just take it and keep it, in case you need it later." They know I am only working part-time, seeing full-time employment is very hard to find in our area. The one brother, whom I'm very close too, said..."Don't worry...you're just going through a slump...things will get better." I am blessed to have a family like this. I really think that your sister needs to open her eyes and her heart a little more. It's not like you wouldn't pay her if you could. She could be a little more understanding and do more out of love, not obligation. Let her know that you realize that it's not her job to take of you, and that you love her, and that as soon as you get back on your feet, you will repay her.

Answer 5

You need to pay her what you can, when you can. I have recently given my sister a loan. I do not work anymore, and I took it from my and my fiance's savings. This was pretty much my call. As much as you're sister will not say it and probably will deny it, her husband is probably not thrilled about the situation. That was something they earned, and 2000 grand for that car is a steal! As much as you are struggling, there are probably things you could give up (eating out, cigarettes, etc) that add up very quickly. You will both feel better if you get it paid off.

Answer 6

I feel that it is good that your sister is willing to help you out in your time of nee, and it is nice that you feel bad. It shows you are not tryingto take advantage of her. But I also feel, that if it makes you feel that bad, maybe you can getyour feelings out in a nice letter and nicely explain to your sister and brother in law how you appreciate their help, and how it has been so hard for you that you feel bless to have a family like them. Then maybe explain your feelings toward the situation how you are truly trying to work things out so that you will be able to get on your feet someday, and even list a few things that you have done to get closer to that goal, so that they know you're not just blowin hot air. Of course you know you will have to have done a few things, because talk is cheap. Believe me, I have an older sister that id good for nothin, and always takes takes takes, from dad and has no appreciation. So write it with love and don't put anything in there that says how much they have, and what you don't. Focus on your future goals, and plans to get there. Maybe even write a list and time line in which you feel would be realistic enough to reach towards. Good luck, I know you will make a difference.

Answer 7

Your sister should be ashamed of herself for being greedy. If she has 3 other cars and a lot of money there is no reason why she shouldn't let you pay the car whenever you can. I personally think she should have just let you keep it. You shouldn't feel bad at all as long as you're doing all you can to be a good mother. I wouldn't ask her for anything anymore and just try your best to do without her because she's selfish.

Answer 8

I understand you situation, however, you have to start taking control of your life. What I mean is that you have to stop depending on your sister and her husband, just because they seem to have all of this money. You really don't know their situation. I've known people who make a lot of money and live way above their means. So, try not to depend so much on your sister. Send her a note saying thank you for the jeep and all of your help, it really helped me out. Oh, one more thing - Hound down your local child support agency to try to get enforcement of child support for your child.

Answer 9

I don't think your sister is mad, or mean! I think it worries her that you can't get it together. You're grown up with a child. You must make your own way. She gave you the Jeep because she's not wanting you to wreck i while it's in their name. So she and her husband have a lot of responsibility, and you're an added responsibility. You don't seem to be taking life very seriously. There are things that are, necessities, and things that are luxuries
i don't think you know the difference!.

Answer 10

I can relate to what you are saying. My sister and her fiance make a lot of money. I lost my house and live in an apartment. She constantly makes me feel worthless. Try not to let it get to you. At least you have your child. I don't even have that and the rest of my family is deceased. If your sister had not met the guy she did, her life could have been exactly like yours. She simply cannot see it because she has not had to live it.