I live with my boyfriend who travels frequently for work. We had a trust issue to where we were both snooping on each other, and have recently vowed to get help together for it. I found out that he lied to me about going out one night when he was away. He always calls me to tell me goodnight, which he did, and the next call was to a cab company 3 hours later. My guess, is that he went out, probably to a strip club, and just didn't want to bother telling me. In light of all that has happened with us, I want to just forget about it, and chalk it up to him not wanting to go through the discussion of it. My gut tells me he's a good person, so why would he do this, and should I confront him? To be fair, I have done something similar to him, but I was by no means cheating or doing anything damaging to him other than not telling him where I was.
2007-02-23 02:48:52 · 15 answers · asked by blue florida 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Man - you guys are brutal!!! Hey - that's why I asked. I don't want to be a hypocrite and I didn't lie, but I left out information. It's true, I don't expect to hold him to standards I don't practice either, and for one of you who scoffed at our discussion, we are both working on the issues. Thanks to all of you for responding. Honestly, it helps to have outside opinions. I think most of you are right, why confront when most likely, it wasn't a big deal, and quite honestly, he probably just wanted to avoid any potential conflict or drama!
BTW - EVERY girl has drama - to the one who said he should move away from mine.
2007-02-23 05:11:50 · update #1
It's hard when you have an issue with trust. Although there is nothing wrong with him going out he should have been honest and told you about it. You have 2 choices, confront or don't. If you do he'll probably get mad that you 'snooped' and if you don't you'll keep wondering about it. I'd confront him, that is what I'd do if it were my guy. As a couple living together you aren't really snooping, everything should be open and honest and out there with nothing being hidden or trying to be hid. The reason he may not have mentioned it to you is he either did something wrong and feels guilty or he thought you'd get mad and he'd be in the doghouse!
Good luck,
Tori
2007-02-23 02:56:52 · answer #1 · answered by Incognito 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do people put so much time and effort into DATING! You aren't even married and you're seeing a councelor?! HELLO!
He can't be trusted. You know this. You can't be trusted either. You don't deserve each other and you do at the same time!
Look, can you seriously look into someone's eye and say you love each other when you are doing all this snooping and sneaking around? This isn't love. It's obsession! Neither one of you loves the other, but you don't want to let go because you don't want anyone else with the other person.
MOVE ON! This is ridiculous!
And, honey, you KNOW what he was doing when he lied to you. Let me tell you something, guys don't lie so frequently and so well just to cover their tracks to a strip club. He would have just told you he was going out to a bar with some friends.
Break up then go get tested!
2007-02-23 10:59:02 · answer #2 · answered by ... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget about it. You obviously have trust issues AND don't follow the same rules you expect him to follow.
Why is it important for you to know where he is, when you lie to him about what you're up to?
Why is he automatilly at a strip club if he goes out?
I think you should both go to counselling because the vow you took with him to stop snooping? Yeah, how long did that last?
2007-02-23 10:57:01 · answer #3 · answered by Slimslimmer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you done something similar then why would you want to bring up his mistakes? That would just make you a hypocrite. When you feel like you have to snoop on your boyfriend, why be with them? Why be with someone you can't trust...and don't say you trust him because if you did, you wouldn't have snooped.
2007-02-23 10:55:52 · answer #4 · answered by oo_m_i_c_h_e_l_l_e_oo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are worse things. Go with the gut and forget about it. you'll be opening up a can of worms if you confront him and you may not get an answer you think you're prepared for. He might be confrontational and untruthful. He might not. It's a no win situation.
2007-02-23 10:53:33 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you did the same thing how can u be mad. You cant accuse him of all the things u r guilty of. Thats not fair is it? and if there is a trust issue, then maybe you 2 need to find the root of that problem and solve it.
2007-02-23 10:53:24 · answer #6 · answered by kizdrop 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is hard. I am telling you out of sisterly love. Get a new boyfriend. Deception sucks. It kills. It devours a relationship. Worse, feeling like you do leads relationships strait into a hellhole!
2007-02-23 10:55:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He should believe and trust that you WEREN'T doing anything but you don't believe and trust him. TYPICAL. Sounds like HE needs to move on and not DEAL with YOUR DRAMA.
2007-02-23 10:59:40 · answer #8 · answered by Monty L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did he actually lie to you and tell you that he didn't go out that night or did he just not tell you he went out?
If he actually told you he didn't go out, I'd ask him about it. If he just didn't tell you, I would forget about it.
2007-02-23 10:55:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confront him, no bother wondering over something when you can just get an answer.
2007-02-23 10:52:54 · answer #10 · answered by lunar_eclipse142 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋