Ok so my husband birth father was very abusive, always beat his mom and hit him..When he was just 1 years old his dad literally through him and his mom out of the car so he has these scars on his shoulder blade from rolling under the car anyways a little while after that his mom found out she was pregnant again!!!Well she had a little boy jonathan and the father despised him and paid no attention, when the baby would cry he wouldnt let my husband mom go near him, anyways when jonathan was just 3 months or so kay(hubby's mom) went to check on him in his crib and he was dead the only one around him at the time was the father, only thing is the doctors said it was an unknown cause to why he died..What do you think? crib death or father??also father is now dead do to alcohol problems?When hubby and i have a baby if it's a boy we would like to name him after his brother. jonathan frank quintana? what do you think about the name also...
2007-02-23 02:37:52 · 14 answers · asked by Kasja 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It sounds like it is a good possibility that it could have been the father but you will never really know. He took the secret to the grave if it was him.
I think it is awesome that you are going to name your son after the baby.
It's terrible that your husband went through this as a child and for whatever reason...the mother stayed with him, allowing jim to treat them that way. It's very sad but he has you now and I hope the rest of your lives are happy!
2007-02-23 02:53:23 · answer #1 · answered by KJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry your husband and mother-in-law had to go through such a traumatic time. It happens a lot, and it is horrible. I am glad that it sounds like he is dealing with it in a healthy manner, as you do not seem to indicate any major problems. Hopefully he will put it all behind him and learn from his father's errors. I went through something similar, and have turned it into a positive in my life. On to your questions...
Question one:
What do you think? Crib death or father??
Answer: there is no way to know now. It is always possible that an abusive alcoholic jerk like this guy could have done something... but the fact is that being evil does not necessarily make you guilty. It COULD have been just a crib death. Doctors knew a lot less about SIDS and such than they do now. It happens, and it sometimes happens to good people, too. If the man had done something to the baby, there would have been some kind of sign of trauma. So odds are he didn't do anything, or the authorities would have suspected something. But you can't tell for sure. Your suspicions are definitely not crazy. At the very least, it is highly possible he was negligent and didn't check on the baby.
Question #2:
I think that Jonathan Frank is a fine name, especially if it is after the brother. Very classy.
2007-02-23 10:47:20 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I would let the whole father thing go. Your husbands childhood was tragic and not his fault and if he has managed to move past it into a better life he should be congratulated on his courage and maturity.
His brothers death is a matter of speculation which you should also let go of. I have no doubt that his father's neglect was a contributing factor, but speculation won't get you anything. I truly recommend you move on as well.
You & your husbands descision to honor his brother by giving his name to your child sounds like a great idea. Celebrating life with this type of affirmation is far superior to trying to fathom the depths of the distrubed man his father obviously was. Continue to Move Forward in your lives. Learn from the lessons of the past, but don't re-live them.
I'm a little curious as to the reasoning behind all the questions. Obviously, you and your husband talk about these things - and that level of communication is an amazingly positive thing - but, you seem a little focused and concerned about it, beyond just trying to fathom the 'whys' of his father's obvious issues.
If you need to keep talking about it, do so until whatever is bothering you works itself out. But do consider that sometimes things just are what they are. No matter how tragic, they happen.
Best of Luck to you & your family.
2007-02-23 10:53:28 · answer #3 · answered by bionicbookworm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe the father hurt the baby. I know what your husband has gone through. The father knew after the baby was born he would not have the attention he need from wife. So he could have hurt the baby so the wife could still be his maid. As of naming your little boy after the brothers name is a great idea. That will help your husband feel as if his brothers spirit is still alive.
2007-02-23 10:51:55 · answer #4 · answered by nbubbyjak 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be a very nice thing to name the baby after his Uncle. But let me give one piece of advice. If Hubby was abused that badly as a child, he probably could use some counseling before your baby comes. Babies cry and are frustrating to people who had wonderful parents and learned the right way to deal with frustration. It can be really hard for those who didn't. Hubby , I am sure, doesn't plan to be abusive and probably won't be. But he still should talk with a counselor first. Good luck.
2007-02-23 11:01:43 · answer #5 · answered by mrslititia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The baby Jonathan could have had SIDS because when babies have that there are no signs or symptoms (and back in your husband's day SIDS wasn't known as it is known now) and you just said that he wouldn't go near Jonathan but in this case I think that the father killed him because you did say he despised the baby. I think that the name is great - go for it.
2007-02-23 10:48:45 · answer #6 · answered by Dimples 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That would be nice without knowing more about the situation with your husbands father i don't believe anyone will really know what happened .If the Dr's don't know they should have investigated further but its too late now and its best that the babys body rest in peace but you both must move on and be greatful that he is not like his father.
2007-02-23 10:42:37 · answer #7 · answered by Mary O 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think its a coincidence that the baby died and the father was the only one in the room. Plus if he never let the mother check on the baby it would his fault there that the baby died. I think naming the baby after his brother is a wonderful idea.
2007-02-23 10:46:26 · answer #8 · answered by kacie18 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice name, I like it. And who knows...the only person that will ever know what happened besides GOD, is his dad and unfortunately he's dead. And if he did it, I am sure he would never say that he did. I think that's always gonna be an unsolved mystery for you. I hope your hubby can deal with not knowing. Just be supportive of him and be the best mother & wife you can be.
2007-02-23 10:42:33 · answer #9 · answered by kizdrop 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a gud idea, if you, the mother is okay with it. do u have any fears u havent written about?
God will help you, he is with you. be calm and peaceful.
why dont both of you all join some reiki/meditation/sahajayoga/yoga classes?
try reading many lives many masters by dr brian weiss, that way ur hubby will be able to exorcise his dad's painful memories. the book is wonderful.
have a wonderful baby and have a lovely life...
2007-02-23 10:44:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋